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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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My boyfriend told his parents - February 17th 2013, 01:14 PM

Hi all,

I'm not usually one to be on here asking for help, but I suppose we all need it once in a while

I was feeling down and out last night while my boyfriend was around. I broke down and said some...suicidal things. He told his mother and sister everything. Not even my own parents know.

Being through therapy etc, I really feel like my privacy has been violated. I'm ashamed, I don't want to face his family anymore, and I'm afraid they're going to think I'm nuts or something. But more or less, I'm upset and frustrated with my boyfriend for telling them. It was not his right to do that.

Has this happened to anybody? I don't want to lose him but I feel that his family will see me differently next time...that I'm not the girl next door.



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Re: My boyfriend told his parents - February 17th 2013, 02:38 PM

I'm sorry he's done this. From experience, I understand how awful it feels. But, also from experience, I am willing to bet he did it for a reason. Perhaps he's worried and sought advice on how to help? Some people come to TH for advice, some go to therapy, some to friends, and some people go to family members.

He is your boyfriend. I don't know how long you have been together or how serious it is, although if you sometimes talk to him about depression and suicidal feelings, I'd imagine it is somewhat serious.

What I'm saying in all this is, although it is not his inherent right to disclose your personal information, it is certainly his right as your partner to be concerned and seek to help you.

If you're worried about his family, you are right to. A lot of people misunderstand mental health, and that is not a problem on your end but one on theirs. But I would imagine if your boyfriend is able to talk to his family about mental health, it is because his home is an environment that welcomes such discussion. And you never know a family's secrets--it is quite likely, based on statistics, that someone in his immediate family has suffered with mental illness. I know that no less than five people in mine have.

Try talking to your boyfriend about what has happened. Tell him that this upset you and why, and listen reasonably to his explanation. Let him know you are worried and about what. I hope you are able to work this out.



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Re: My boyfriend told his parents - February 17th 2013, 08:09 PM

I totally agree that he may have told his family because he was worried about you and wanted to know how he could better help you. I don't think he did it maliciously or anything, but instead really was worried and wanted a bit of advice as to what to do. I think that maybe you can sit down with him and speak to him about what he may be able to do to help you out a little bit better, like some things he may be able to say or do when you feel like this that can help. You can also let him know that while you understand why he told his family, you are worried about his family's reaction now. He does know his family quite well, and maybe they'll be a bit of an added support system or at least be willing to accept you for who you are. You are an amazing person, after all!


   
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Re: My boyfriend told his parents - February 18th 2013, 03:03 AM

Hey, Kat

I realize it could definitely be frustrating for you that he told his family, but I really think it's because he cares about you a lot and is just really worried. When someone finds out that the person they hold so close to their heart has suicidal thoughts and is feeling depressed, they feel alone and worried and need to tell someone. It can be hard to keep to themselves.

Although I understand how it can feel on your part. He should have discussed it with you and asked if you wanted to keep it between you two. You did tell him in confidence though, so I think it'd be best to tell him how you feel about this. And give him a chance to explain his side of the story.

Maybe his family is people that are accepting and that's why he went to them. Being depressed doesn't make you less of a person by the way, maybe they'll just wanna help you out.

Hope it works out. Just remember that he must really care about you though, I know how he feels on his part. You're amazing, don't forget that.
   
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Re: My boyfriend told his parents - February 20th 2013, 07:31 AM

Hi Kat.

I haven't been in exactly the same position, but I have had someone close to me reveal personal things to someone else without my permission, so I think I get how it feels.

Like the others have said, you should talk to him. Let him know that you feel upset/hurt/whatever else because of this, and explain why. Your feelings are perfectly justified, and you have every right to talk to him about it. But be willing to hear his side. It's scary to hear that someone you love is thinking about suicide, and it can be difficult to know what to do - maybe he told them so they could help you, or just so he'd have someone to talk to about it (not in a mean way, just to help him try to understand, you know?).

I hope you guys work it out. Take care.


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Re: My boyfriend told his parents - February 20th 2013, 02:32 PM

Thanks everybody. Update: I talked to his family and basically lied my way through it (saying that it was a misunderstanding, miscommunication etc). Yes, I know it's better to be honest but I am not ready to handle the stigma that comes with having these occasional thoughts. So, yes, everything's fine- I just lied is all.



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