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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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savealife723 Offline
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I want to be done. - February 19th 2013, 07:39 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

The past few months I've been doing really really well. Everything has been going great. No suicide thoughts, no self-harm, I've been keeping up with my eating and balancing my exercise, but nothing is going okay now.

I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately. I wouldn't do it, but the fact that I've been thinking about it so much is definitely a warning sign in my mind. I've been thinking about it so much. More than I should. Everything seems to be falling apart lately. My family is always fighting. I lost all of my friends because they don't approve of my relationship. I never ever see my sister anymore ever since she moved out. Everything is just a mess.

I've never been so lonely in my entire life. I feel like I'm on my own. The only thing keeping me up anymore is my boyfriend. And even that is so hard to hold onto sometimes. I feel so alone.
I don't have my family anymore. I don't have my friends anymore. I lost sight of my faith and I just can't seem to find my way back to God. And now I'm just, alone.

Suicide thoughts are the only thing that calm me now.


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
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Re: I want to be done. - February 19th 2013, 08:21 PM

Hey,

You are never alone. You seem to believe in God, you just feel like you can't find Him. I've been there, we've all been there. Just try to talk to Him, even if you don't think that it'll be helpful, He's always there, don't turn your back on Him when times are rough. Hang tight.

As for your friends and family, I'm sorry that you seem to be having such a hard time with them recently. It's always hard whenever it feels like the people you love have turned their backs on you. I know from experience that even though it seems like your family has turned their backs on you or don't care, they do. At the end of the day family is always there and will always be there for you. Sometimes people get blinded by their own problems and hurt the people closest to them. Maybe you should try talking to them about whatever is going on. Tell them that the fighting is hurting you and you really need them at this point in your life.

As for your friends. Have you tried talking to them? Maybe try explaining to them that you really want their love and support still. But if they turn around and leave over something, then maybe they were never your true friends to begin with? I've learned that true friends never leave your side, and if they do stray for whatever reason, if they are true friends, they always come back and apologize for not being there like they should have been.

I also completely understand how you feel with the suicidal thoughts. Knowing that you would probably never act on it, but almost obsessively thinking about suicide throughout the day. I'm at the same point now. It's not healthy and honestly you really should tell somebody about it, maybe express that you don't think that you would act on it but they are more of a "comfort" to you for whatever your reasoning is. If you're having that hard of a time with your parents and friends and don't feel like you could talk to them about it, could you possibly talk to a guidance counselor or a teacher at school, possibly your boyfriend? I honestly think that would be the best option for you.

We all need encouragement and support, sometimes. Reach out for it! If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you! <3


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Re: I want to be done. - February 19th 2013, 09:56 PM

Hi, Kayla, hun

I am really sorry about all that's going on. Something to remember, through all of this, God never leaves your side, he never turns his back on you. He's in your heart. He's there for you. It's just that sometimes the dark clouds in life seem to blind you from that.

The fact you've been doing so well lately is fantastic, be proud and happy about that and try to work your way back there. Even though things are bad right now, someday you'll look back on these bad days and remember how you felt and be so proud you've survived and are happy. I've had so many bad days last year, now it feels like history that I made it through. You're a strong person and seem to have gone through a lot. Giving up now would be a loss.

I know that it's not easy, I understand that. But I honestly believe you can make it through this. I believe you're strong enough, but you have to believe in yourself and believe things will get better for things to change. The trick is to work on one thing at a time. Like your sister, you miss her. How about going to visit her, or call/E-Mail her? Can you talk to your family and let them know how you're feeling? Let them know you feel awful that they're fighting. Remind them that getting along is much better than fighting. Your boyfriend must really care about you, can you talk to him about how you're feeling?

Sorry about your friends by the way. They don't have a say in "approving" in your relationship. As long as you're happy with your boyfriend and he treats you right then it's fantastic. I think some more accepting and great friends you deserve will come along later down the line. Keep the faith, keep your heart open. By the way, I think your friends will eventually realize their faults of leaving you behind because of their opinions. They don't know what they've been doing probably, they still deserve the forgiveness and being told what they're doing wrong. =)

Distractions help as well when you're sad, doing something you enjoy or doing something that you have to focus your thoughts and feelings on can help. Another thing I must mention, doing outside activities is good because the sunlight induces a natural chemical in your brain that makes you feel a little more positive. Even if you're inside in your room doing something, if you feel comfortable then open a window shade to get some sunlight. If it's warm there then open the window so you get a refreshing breeze. How about doing things like...

- How about volunteering?
- Cleaning around the house
- Go for a walk/run
- Playing sports
- Go biking
- Go swimming
- Writing all your feelings in a journal/notepad
- Write poems that express your feelings
- Play games
- Listen to music
- Watch TV/movies
- Read

Hope I helped a little bit. Please remember that you're strong enough to make it through this and God never stops loving you. He's always by your side even when you don't thinks so. I know loneliness is a very bad feeling, so I suggest spending time when others when you're sad. I hope you feel better. You can E-Mail me or PM/VM me anytime if you'd like to talk. I'm always willing to listen. You can do this, lovely, one day at a time. Things get better you amazing person.

Stay Strong <3

   
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