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survivor. :)
I've been here a while
Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
Name: Anna
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 1,101
Blog Entries: 122
Join Date: February 18th 2010

Getting knocked back. - February 25th 2013, 01:36 AM

Hi there

Things have been pretty rough recently. At the moment, it feels like I'm just going in a cycle. Things will be hard and then one night i'll decide that's enough, and i'll start being a bit more positive, making plans to stop self harming, to journal, to talk to people more etc. Then the day after, things always happens that knocks me down to the same place if not worse than where I was, then I stay there for a couple of weeks, then it all just repeats.

It just seems pointless. Whenever I get a bit of hope that things can change and stuff, it just gets thrown back in my face, like the world telling me to stop being an idiot, that it's never going to change, that there's no point trying. I'm sick of this now and it feels like there is no point. Nothing changes, and when I get knocked back down it just hurts even more each time.

I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to say, but I just don't know what to do. I'm on medication, I have a good support network of friends (sometimes) and I have professional support and I am working for it but nothing changes.

I don't understand but it hurts.

[Edit] I hope that makes sense. I'm sorry, if not, just ask.

You have to have the negative things in life
to be able to appreciate the positives.
TG 05/04/2013
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Re: Getting knocked back. - February 25th 2013, 02:15 AM

Hi, Anna.

So sorry you're feeling this way. I have to say, I can completely relate to everything you're saying here. I have the same cycle. Have you been diagnosed with anything? I'm obviously not a professional but due to the feelings that are pretty much the same as yours that I have, I looked into Bipolar Disorder and my symptoms relate to it. I'm too young to be diagnosed but it's an idea. Do you think you could have it?

I'm sorry but I honestly don't know what to say because I struggle with this too and haven't quite cracked the nut myself. Well I try to distract myself, whenever I start thinking negatively I listen to positive music, like Colbie Caillat's song: Think Good Thoughts. You should listen to it. I watch silly things like Loony Tunes and force myself into hanging out with my brother even if I don't feel up to it. It usually gets me into a better mood in the end. Have you talked about these feelings you're having with your therapist?

Here's the link to the song: Click Here. It inspired me so much for quite a few months to stay positive.

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