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Name: Cassie
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Join Date: December 7th 2012

I'm going insane -_- - February 25th 2013, 02:27 AM

Sorry for the long message buuut I SOOOOO need to vent right now. And I need this in the depression forum. The eating disorder part is just background info..

Soo I've gotten into recovery for my eating disorder and obviously it isn't easy. I'm startin' to regret I ever even told anybody. I feel like I'm just in recovery to make my parents happy and as soon as people stop paying so much attention to me and my doctor's appointment's end, I'm gonna slip back to old routines. The only reason I'm cooperating with weight gain now is that I was told that I can't go back to work and I can't exercise until I get up to a certain weight, and also because my parents are sad that I'm not healthy and happy. I was referred to inpatient care by my doctor but I wanted to prove I can do it without being in a clinic. But now I just feel like I'm denying that I have a problem. I'm not good with confronting and coming to terms with feelings and stuff so I basically ignore them. Then when I have to go to the counselor or doctors I feel all weird. I feel like everyone is blowing this out of proportion and they should be more angry with me for doing this to myself.

I put this in the depression and suicide forum because there hasn't been a day yet that I haven't thought about suicide at some point in the day. Whether it's just a quick thought or a serious breakdown. I feel like I shoulda just kept this to myself and not dragged my family into something that isn't even a big deal. I'm honestly just soo not happy anymore. Why did this ever have to happen to me? Why couldn't I just be happy with the way I looked? These fricken thoughts never leave and I'm going insane!
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Re: I'm going insane -_- - February 25th 2013, 02:42 AM

Hi, Cassie.

I'm sorry about what you're dealing with. But the fact you told somebody is a big step towards actual recovery. You can get some support instead of being alone through all this. That was really brave of you and I'm happy you were able to do it. Can you talk to your parents about how you're feeling and how all of this makes you feel?

Hun, I understand that things are really hard right now but suicide isn't the answer to anything. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem and not only hurts you, but everyone around you. Remember that this page in your life, is only one page. It's possible to recover and be happy with yourself even if you don't thinks so right now. There's still many chapters in life worth living for. Experiencing life away from home, dating, marriage, children, and so many other wonderful experiences along the way. The future has good and bad things in it, but you gotta remind yourself that you're strong enough to make it through this.

Have you talked with your therapist about the suicidal thoughts?

By the way, I'm always here if you need someone to listen. Feel free to PM/VM me anytime, Cassie. You are beautiful, inside and out. I believe you'll see that one day.

Stay Strong <3
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