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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Rainy.Eyes Offline
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Name: Cristian Mercado
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Location: Somewhere walking in the rain ......

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Reaching the breaking point.... - February 25th 2013, 03:29 AM

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I dont know for how long I cant take this, im tired of encountered emotions and my parents treating me like im mentally ill and i dont have any feelings... I have a lot of anxiety and I fear im close to letting go off life. Its painfull
Im tired of having to cut to cope with emotions, and to have to be coloring my wrist with red marker and pretend it blood. Im tired of the self abuse and the way i cant seem to deal with myself. Im tired of hurting people. I wish I wasnt the cause for so many problems to people ...
Im tired of this...
Theres no punishment for a person as problematic as me......
I wish there was a way out butit looks like there isnt.
Im scared and ashamed of all the things ived done.

I am confused.... i dont know how long can i take this....
   
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Name: Sawyer
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Re: Reaching the breaking point.... - February 25th 2013, 04:02 AM

Hi, Cristian.
I'm going to start off by using the rather cliche: This is simply just one page in your life and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
We all make mistakes, and we all have our bad times. You simply have to think of them as a stage. I have gone through dark times as well, but used positive thinking to dig my way out. I told myself that being upset about things that I have no control over is useless, and I should simply smile. Did you know forcing yourself to smile can actually help make you happier? It is proven I'm really sorry you're have a hard time, and if you need to talk you can message me.
   
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Re: Reaching the breaking point.... - February 25th 2013, 10:15 AM

Hi, Cristian

So sorry you're feeling this way.

When you do something you regret, hating yourself and the guilt is always really horrible. But if you believe you've done something wrong to someone, then go to them or write a letter to them and admit it, apologize to repent and you start to learn to forgive yourself. It may seem pretty impossible but it eventually happens because soon you realize that everyone makes mistakes. That only makes you human. It's good we realize our mistakes so we can refrain from making them again, it's how we learn.

Another thing I must say, suicide isn't the answer because you're 14 and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Experiencing life away from home, jobs, careers, dating, marriage, children. Just so many amazing experiences, big and small that are really great and would just be a shame to miss out on. Suicide not only hurts you but everyone around you, even if you think that it won't, trust me, there's someone (probably lots) in your life that love you. It's just really hard to see sometimes. Whenever you feel sad and suicidal, think of your future and how great it can be. Because all these hard things we go through equips us with tools to deal with the future better. It gives us strength.

Can you talk to your school counselor, principle, therapist, friends, siblings or relatives about your depression and suicidal feelings and Self-Harm? It's always difficult to tell someone but in the end, you find that the support system can actually make a big positive difference. If face to face is a little too intense, telling someone through a letter/text or E-Mail could make it a bit easier as well. Could you tell your parents how they're treating you is making you feel bad? Maybe ask them why they're treating you differently now? Sometimes when parents find out their child is going through some hard things, they react in ways that doesn't help at all, because they're scared and worried for you. I think they may just wanna help because they do care.

Sawyer is right, smiling does help. Trying to see things more positively can help you as well, like in a day, look at all the things that made you feel happy, even the little things and focus on that instead of dwelling on all the bad things. Make sure you remind yourself just how much you are worth it. Writing your feelings in a journal or writing poems/short stories that express your feelings can help you to express yourself better as well.

The rainbow comes out after the rain. Don't forget that! Please remember you are worth it, you're special and have a lot of potential. Hang in there. I'm here anytime if you need me! Feel free to PM/VM me anytime. I don't always know what to say but I can listen. Hope you feel better.

Stay Strong <3
   
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