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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: anna
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everything is a trigger - February 25th 2013, 05:54 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

honestly ive been feeling so many things over the past few months i dont even understand..
i started self harming 2 years ago but i stopped a while ago and ive been going strong
ive been 'depressed' about since the time i started self harming
and for the past i dont know how long... everytime i see a car, my first thought it to jump in front of it. ive never been afraid of heights in my life but now whenever im far from the ground i cant go close to the end because the urge to end it all is so strong.. i dont know how to explain it but everything around me is just another weapon i could use to end my life finally... if that makes any sense..
ive never talked to anyone about anything even close to this.. only once with my best friend who also has the same thoughts.. frankly she doesnt give a shit or if she does shes never given any indication of it
i come from an ok household theres no abuse or anything but im honestly not close with my parents at a l l to the point where im fighting with them everyday and telling them is not in the near future..
i dont understand why im so depressed... every night i go to bed and stare at the ceiling and just fantasize about ending it all but not knowing how. its hopeless and i know you say its not and its just a chapter in my life but its been going on for 2 years now and maybe that isnt a lot but if its only been getting worse then whats the point... if i have to wait even another year for it to get better thats too much to feel this way whats the point..
   
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Re: everything is a trigger - February 25th 2013, 09:45 AM

Hi, Megan.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I understand sometimes all these bad feelings can seem endless, but it does get better. There are many reasons to keep living, depression doesn't define life. And suicide isn't the answer because it not only kills your potential future of experiencing life away from home, dating, marriage, children and all the great emotions and experiences all across that, but it hurts you and everyone around you. I realize it may not seem like others care, but that's not true. You really have no idea how much it'd effect others if you took your life. Suicide is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I'm also sorry about things with your parents, Megan. I can definitely relate because my family fights a lot too. Is there a teacher or principle you can talk to? Or the school counselor? If you feel like you may go through with suicide, please call 911 or a suicide hotline. Because you are worth it.

Recovery from depression is possible, it's quite a long road with bumps in it but happiness is a great thing to achieve, very well worth it too. You have to be dedicated and willing to try, because the only way your life can change is if you decide to change it. I know just how difficult that is, it's easier said than done I know, but true. You have to want to recover and see things in a more positive way, and a support system would really help because everyone needs someone to talk to. That's why talking to someone is really important. Take a look at all the things in your life and see more positively, like you've stopped Self-Harming, that's fantastic and a very hard thing to stop doing. Congratulations on that. It shows you have the strength to do this. I believe you are strong enough. You just have to believe it.

Sometimes during depression, the same everyday routines can only begin to make things feel more damp and depressing. So it's important to do something different even if you don't feel like it, some distractions sometimes too. Another thing to keep in mind, outside activities will do some good because the sun induces a natural chemical in your brain that helps increase positive emotions. So even if you're inside, try and keep the window shade open and get sun as much as possible. Here are some things to do:
  • Volunteer
  • Join a club at school
  • Play sports/try a new sport
  • Go biking
  • Skate
  • Go for a walk or go running
  • Cuddle your pets or get a pet. Having something dependent on you can help you too
  • Get a plant and take care of it
  • Listen to music
  • Draw
  • Paint
  • Go to the movies
  • Play games
  • Play board games with family (to try and help get them to stop fighting?)
  • Watch TV
  • Watch a movie

Writing your feelings down in a journal, or writing poems/short stories that express your feelings can help you as well. Trying some new things you haven't done could also help, like taking up knitting, beading, doing arts and crafts, anything new. Just explore your interests, watch a movie you've never seen, watch a TV series and collect all the episodes. Listen to new music. Keep happy colorful pictures in your room as well. It'll try and help you to think better thoughts at night when you're looking around. Put up some pictures of dreamy scenery or cute animal pictures. Anything happy and bright. On a day, take time and think of all the negative and positive things that happened in each day, and focus on the good things. Remind yourself things can go okay, good things can happen. Think back on happier memories and stuff and know that it's possible to feel okay again. All the hard emotions and things we experience gives us more strength in the end to better deal with things in the future. You can help others with the knowledge of your experiences as well.

Hope I helped a bit. And I hope you realize that you are a really special person and you're worth recovery. You can do this, I just know it. You can PM/VM me anytime if you need someone to talk to, Megan.

Stay Strong <3

   
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