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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
EmilyHope Offline
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Exclamation Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 12:28 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Someone please help me...My mom and I got in an argument about my cutting, and then I asked "why don't you leave me alone, you never cared before, why now? You never come around when I need you." then she said, "You ARE my daughter." Then I muttered with tears running down my face "Then why doesn't it feel like it?... I feel like another one of your accessories, not your daughter. You said it yourself, remember? I'm a worthless piece of sh*t. Do you remember when you said that to me? That I'm another disgrace, that I've run YOUR name into the ground. Did you ever stop and think that maybe IM hurting?..." Then she just kept yelling, brushing it off as I said nothing. I'm so done with life. It's like I'm invisible, I'm addicted to overdosing on prescription medication and pain meds and I cut at least 10 times a day. My body is tattered and torn and nobody gives two shits about me. My mother hates me, my father doesn't understand enough to actually listen and God I give up, I've taken so many meds today I feel numb. I'm planning to end it all... no looking back.


I Don't Know Why I am Doing This To Myself....I Just Can't Help But Scream...What Is Happening To Me?! Who Can Possibly Save Me From Myself?!
-Emily Hope




   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Thereishope Offline
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 01:20 AM

Hey there Emily! Im so sorry about what you've been through with your family. I know how tough it is, I've had family issues myself. I can tell you though that suicide is not the answer. You can get through this. If you need some1 to talk to feel free to PM/VM me!
   
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 01:59 AM

Emily... You are a beautiful girl, I hope you realize that one day. Hun, I'm really sorry about the issues with your mom, and Self-Harm. Some people are bad at expressing their feelings and emotions, you mom may have had issues with that and came off as cold and uncaring.

If you feel you may go through with suicide, please call 911 or a hotline.
Can you talk to any friends, teachers, principle or school counselor, therapist?

As Michael said, suicide isn't the answer. You gotta keep in mind that the future can have much better things in them. Like finally connecting with your mom and working out those issues, recovering from Self-Harming and OD-ing, experiencing life away from home, dating, marriage, children. There's so many good things in the future worth holding on for. Plus, suicide not only throws away your future and hurts you, but it hurts everyone around you. Even though you don't feel cared for, I can promise you that you are. You may not know it, but believe me. If you went through with this then your mom will be so devastated and could never forgive herself, your dad too. It will break them. You may not think you matter, but you do. You also have the ability to have children, to love, to create life. That's amazing. You are worth it, everyone is. Keep that in mind.

Writing your feelings in a journal or writing poems can help to distract yourself. Anything to distract yourself will help with your depression. Find something new you enjoy and love, take up a new hobby. Volunteer.

Self-Harming actually causes more problems than it helps. Figuring out that you're worth recovery, then wanting to recover is the first step. Every small step contributes, every urge, every bad feeling big or small you get through without Self-harming or OD-ing helps you move closer to recovery. Learning to resist helps. Learning more healthier coping mechanisms. Take a look at the Self-Harm Alternatives, click here.

Life is worth living, you'll see that one day. When you start to feel better, things start to go better. You'll be so happy you held on, and from all the hard things, you'll find you're stronger and better for it. Remember, this is a chapter in your life, not the whole book. You create the pages by using words wisely to create a sentence.

Hope you feel better, you're beautiful, sweetie. Inside and out. Feel free to PM/VM me if you need someone to talk to.

Take care,
Stay Strong <3

   
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 02:59 AM

please dont! i know how you feel about your parents, i really do i have the same problem with my parents. my mom tells me these im worthless and stupid all the time, dont cut yourself so much hun! you arent alone, we are here for youwhen your mom starts at you just think how great it will be when you move out and never have to see her again, thats what keeps me going. dont kill yourself, there is someone out there who cares very much about you and would be devasted. feel free to pm me hun
   
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 03:13 AM

It's really not fair, Emily.
Being invisible, or alone. Or just feeling like - Hey, who can I talk to? Oh right- nobody.
It's something that you just can't make that feeling go away, sleeping it off or just not htinking about it won't help- it's constantly on your mind.
I'll let you know- PEOPLE DO CARE ABOUT YOU. If you feel like nobody understands you at your school, give the internet a try. There are some very kind and sincere people who are going through juts the same thing. Make some buddies on here, join the chat rooms. It's really great. Another thing is- learn to connect through music. Listen to those songs that you can RELATE to. It's really amazing to relate to every word of a song in this situation- that way you'll know you're not the only one out there.

You are an amazing beautiful person and don't forget that. Don't let anyone forget that. It sounds cliche but you really are. PM me anytime.
   
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EmilyHope Offline
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 12:41 PM

I am planning to do it... but I just feel so freaking worthless. I've been thinking about it for months, even trying to ask for help from my parents but they did NOTHING. It makes me feel like I don't matter to them. That they haved two perfect little boys to love. Why the hell do they need me?! I'm already tearing apart my body on the inside with pills, and on the outside with cutting. I usually would go have a ciggarette but Its a nasty habit.


I Don't Know Why I am Doing This To Myself....I Just Can't Help But Scream...What Is Happening To Me?! Who Can Possibly Save Me From Myself?!
-Emily Hope




   
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 26th 2013, 12:55 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that, Emily. Everyone deserves parents that'll listen to them... Although I do believe that you're loved as well, along with your siblings. You aren't worthless.

Things do get better.
Hang in there,
There's a rainbow after the storm <3
   
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - February 27th 2013, 12:35 AM

Emily- Everyone has those thoughts. And it's not okay to actually go beyond the line of "I think I should do this."
Don't plan this, you are amazing and people will be SAD and UPSET.
It's not something worth doing- what if your future is so amazing, but you chose to end it here? It'll all get better from here, like CHristabel said. It will. Don't sit there planning, sit there making the oppurtunities come true.
   
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EmilyHope Offline
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - March 1st 2013, 01:18 AM

People at school are catching on... I was in the restroom crying for 10 minutes during one of my classes bruising my wrists because I have no more room on my thighs to cut... I'm losing my f*cking battle. Tomorrow is self harm awareness day... always the hardest day of the year for me...


I Don't Know Why I am Doing This To Myself....I Just Can't Help But Scream...What Is Happening To Me?! Who Can Possibly Save Me From Myself?!
-Emily Hope




   
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Re: Contemplating Suicide - March 1st 2013, 01:45 AM

I remember a few months back I wanted to kill myself... on the road to being bulimic... and I was cutting myself. It took the harsh words of an unexpected friend to get me to turn my life around. This guy told me I was being stupid and selfish. I remember crying afterwords because his words hurt. I remember wanting kill myself that day and I tried. I took a bottle and pills and swallowed them one by one. I got to the 5 one and started throwing them back up. And while I was laying on the floor I thought about how worthless I felt. And how my mom doesn't love and how I never see my dad. And I began to realize that I was being selfish. I was being stupid. I began to think not of the bad things but of the good things in my life. If I had killed myself without letting things get better, and eventually they all do, it would have been the cowards way out.

I'm not trying to call you stupid or a coward or selfish. I just hope that you take me story to heart. I can't tell you when things will get better I can just promise they will. Sometime it just happens and other times you have to make it happen. If you continue to think dark, sad, depressing, and suicidal thoughts how can you expect to get better. The first step it changing your mind set and everything else falls into place. Don't think about the bad just think about what good is in your life. And if you can't find any, I'll be happy to list some for you.

-Didi
Blessed Be


“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”
― Michelangelo Buonarroti
   
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