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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Until all I see is blood - March 2nd 2013, 09:40 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

At night my thoughts are getting so out of control. I hate it. The thoughts are about how fat I am and how I would be so much better off if I was just dead. I do not go out of the house often only when I actually have to because of how fat and ugly I am and look. I lay away at night and think about ways to end my life. Pills, or slitting my wrist, AAll I want to do is take a razor and cut and cut until all I see on my arm is blood there is nothing but cuts and blood. My grandma still has to worry about my sister so I have tto keep this all to myself but I don't feel like living anymore.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: Until all I see is blood - March 3rd 2013, 03:29 AM

Just breathe. You are you. Why are you distraught that you don't look like the anorexic super models society likes to show off? And, hey, photoshop...
I can't really think of how to make you get me point...other than to get preachy on you.

Hang with me okay?
So let's just say you believe in God (which you may or may not) and if He's the Judeo-Christian God, you know He made you. He made you the way He wanted you to be. You are beautiful in His eyes, like an artist looking at his masterpiece or a parent looking at their child. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to better yourself through exercising and eating healthy; by all means, go for it, but don't do anything drastic. Eating disorders and hurting yourself probably makes God upset. He custom-made you and you call His work worthless.

You are not worthless. Just because you don't fit into standard-society viewpoint doesn't mean you're ugly. Beauty is a relative term. It depends on who defines it. You can define yourself as beautiful, like I said, it's a relative term.

And please don't hurt yourself. It's very depressing to think of people hurting themselves because they don't match the cookie cutter-style beauty. We're all unique; why should we define beauty in a standardized way? Shouldn't it also be unique?
Please talk to someone you trust, or a professional. Get help. Don't hurt yourself, no matter how much you think you deserve it.

So...yeah. Whether you believe in the Christian God or not, He's the only one I know and really the only way I could explain my thinking to you. Don't be offended please.
And stay strong. You're beautiful.
- Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: Until all I see is blood - March 3rd 2013, 10:49 PM

Ally is right. Don't know what else to say besides you're beautiful just the way you are. Being yourself is the most beautiful thing a person can be.

Suicide isn't the way to go. I'm pretty certain people in your life do care about you. Can you talk to your Grandma? I'm sure she wouldn't mind listening even if she is worried about your sister.

Life is special. And I think in the future, you'll be able to learn to love yourself. It takes effort to realize how special you are. Compliment yourself on the small things. It all contributes. You don't deserve to suffer or hurt yourself.

I'm here if you need me.

Stay Strong <3
   
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Re: Until all I see is blood - March 4th 2013, 02:01 AM

I talked to my grandma and I have a counciling appointment on tuesday and we are going to tell her that I'm suicidal and that I lay awake at night going through how I could kill myself and I will probably end up in the hospital on a fifty-one/fifty hold.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|
|PM/VM|


   
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Re: Until all I see is blood - March 4th 2013, 02:15 AM

I feel relieved you talked to her and you're gonna go to a counselling meeting. Remember that whatever happens, you're still fighting, you're still trying and you're really brave. You're worth recovery and we're all here for you every step of the way.

Stay Strong <3
   
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