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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DeadKitty Offline
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Why am i still thinking this - March 19th 2013, 06:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well I just want to say hi, I'm new here please pardon the name, I was very depressed when I joined haha.

So just let me tell you why I'm here, to put it simple I'm depressed and I'm seventeen. So why are my thoughs of death still so strong? Let me tell you somthing about me.

My life is not terrble, I get pretty much every item I ask for but...The cost of that is pretty hard. When I was younger I was mistreated by my family on my dads site, they would hurt my feeling, hurt me just period. And I pretty much lived there, out parents worked a lot and we never told them till we were older. So we don't live there anymore, but thats when i started doing self harmsat a
Age 12, but we don't live there anymore yay happyending right!?...No Since we started telling our parents, about the things they have done, our dad has referred to us as them and it hurts to have your father, there, brother, there son call you in a way, evil. Now I'm not saying my father is terrible its when he is mad that hurts me. When he is made he doesn't listen to you he is scary mad he could jump on you at any second, ha ask my mom if you dont belive me. and the part that just kills me is, that he has this terrible temper like his father and he hates being called them, my thing is...you know it hurts so why are you doing it to me? Im not a terrible kid, (i like to think) I dont smoke drink heck im still a vergin!? i dont do wild partys i dont do partys at all, i try help my parents as much as i can. now i know what your thinking. "this kid doesn't do anything worth living," and i honesty agree with you. i have no friends, im homeschooled, so i have never had that support. No, actually i have i was lucky enought to have great brothers but sometimes im scared to talk to them, because i dont want whats in my mind to transfer to them my mind is a dangerous place im not joking. Im going to make another topic about my mental health. Like i stated before im seventeen no friends, (im not going to fib i had some but since i dont know how to talk to people they just fadded away) I dont do much but baby sit my ungratful terrorizing sister, i mean we were all terrible but i have no control over her, they say that i do but im not allowed to yell at her, order her around, and sheis 8 and im 17 and to be truthful i dont want those things i just with she'd listed to me....The point im depressed, i nevered talk to anyone about this, i tryed once but that didn't end up good. so that dear people is why this post is so long all of this and more has been bottled up in my mind for years. And whybim here at seventeen, wanting to just off a bridge, really there is a bridge here that cars pass andni want to jump it.

Last edited by DeadKitty; March 19th 2013 at 06:35 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why am i still thinking this - March 19th 2013, 09:42 PM

No, no, no jumping bridges please. I think if you really do want help, you should tell someone...and maybe not over the Internet. Will your mother listen? Seriously, you should tell someone.

And maybe try going to things that CAN get you friends. I totally understand you on the whole talking-to-people-thing, and honestly, the reason I had friends now is because of a very rigorous club I joined in which we had to meet almost everyday after school for a few hours over the course of a couple months. That was Drama Club.

But you can join other things too, since I know our club is a little...different, in a good way...and not all drama clubs will be the same. You could join a sport, but I've done that and the bonds formed between myself and other players was flimsy. There isn't enough talking in sports, and talking is an extension of yourself so no one really knows you well from kicking a ball around; friendship takes conversation. You could get involved in a youth group. I also love my church group, but I feel almost as a stranger because we only meet on Sundays.
Yeah. Most friendships require some sort of way of opening up to others. And if you can do that through sports, by all means, go for it. It just didn't work for me.

And really, just because you don't do drugs or drink or party doesn't mean you have nothing to live for...In fact I would say you have more to live for; how well can you love someone when you're getting over a hangover or swallowin' down abortion pills? I know that some people's lives are partying and drugs and drinking, but when high-school and college are over they're going to find themselves in the real-world, and it's gonna give them whiplash. Those things won't make you happy. Maybe they will for a moment, but it doesn't last. Shoot for something higher.
How I would love to tell them that...but they would laugh and shrug, and continue to ruin their lives.

Please don't kill yourself. You have your whole life in front of you. And don't despair; if I can find friends, so can you. Just be open, to a degree. You have to lower the shields to make allies I guess. The walls block communication. Don't give up.
I'll pray for ya...or better yet, maybe you'll pray or yourself.
God was the one who guided me to Drama Club.
- Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why am i still thinking this - March 20th 2013, 12:19 AM

No it only depresses her also, I used to talk to her but she only wants to hear the good. Yea I can't find any clubs, used to go to anime club a lot, but I cannot drive and I have no car hahaha. Again I kinda regreat writing this so yea.
   
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Re: Why am i still thinking this - March 20th 2013, 01:27 AM

Hey, Kitty.

Sorry about how you're feeling. I can relate in some ways, I don't have any friends in real life and I'm home-schooled and can never get out. Although I'm blessed with a best friend, but he's online. But I understand some things. Especially not being able to talk to anyone about these things. I keep all my feelings away from family, they have no idea how I feel. I know it may be hard, but I really think you should tell your brother how you feel. I think it may help you. Of course, he'll probably be worried and sad about how you're feeling, but a support system is really important. Everyone is depressed and needs someone at some point in their life, don't feel bad about it.

I think it's really good you're not partying, drinking, doing drugs or having sex. That's actually really mature of you and as Ally said, you have more to live for.

Live for the future. You know, what you're feeling right now isn't all life is. Things do get better and there's many experiences and new things worth living for in the future. You've got the choice of having children, a job, marriage, of course there's hard times, but the good will make up for it. Suicide isn't worth it. It will devastate those around you and you lose your chance at the good things in life, you lose the chance to see things get better.

Umm... Can you write your feelings in a journal or something? Expressing yourself could help get some bottled up feelings out. You could also write in a note what you wanna say and give that to your brother to make it easier to tell him. Hmm... Another thing that helps me, is music, playing games, watching tv/movies, going for walks, talking to people online etc. Outside activities could help as well, to get you moving, and get fresh air. I also must add that sunlight increases a natural chemical in your brain to induce more positive emotions. So get as much sun as possible.

I do hope you feel better soon, and see that things don't stay this bad. I want you to know you can message me anytime. I can't promise I'll know what to say, but I can listen.

You can do this,
Never give up,

Stay Strong <3
   
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Re: Why am i still thinking this - March 23rd 2013, 05:57 AM

I talk to my brothers, i just dont talk to them about depressing things, I used to do self harm when i was there age, so i dont want to give them any ideas since i want to bring the habbit back. I know its just hard when you live in a house where your father basially says he hates you, ha and he acts like he does also. I cant get away from him, and when i do think about him sometines that alone makes me want to jump off a bride, yea i kow its sad to say but you guys dont know him. Yes i prety much do that exept for the movies, i use cartoons ahaha. My life is music, i mean it i cant go a day without it. I have an online best friend, she tells me i can talk to her about anything, but i just dont trust people...
   
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Re: Why am i still thinking this - March 23rd 2013, 07:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadKitty View Post
Well I just want to say hi, I'm new here please pardon the name, I was very depressed when I joined haha.

So just let me tell you why I'm here, to put it simple I'm depressed and I'm seventeen. So why are my thoughs of death still so strong? Let me tell you somthing about me.

My life is not terrble, I get pretty much every item I ask for but...The cost of that is pretty hard. When I was younger I was mistreated by my family on my dads site, they would hurt my feeling, hurt me just period. And I pretty much lived there, out parents worked a lot and we never told them till we were older. So we don't live there anymore, but thats when i started doing self harmsat a
Age 12, but we don't live there anymore yay happyending right!?...No Since we started telling our parents, about the things they have done, our dad has referred to us as them and it hurts to have your father, there, brother, there son call you in a way, evil. Now I'm not saying my father is terrible its when he is mad that hurts me. When he is made he doesn't listen to you he is scary mad he could jump on you at any second, ha ask my mom if you dont belive me. and the part that just kills me is, that he has this terrible temper like his father and he hates being called them, my thing is...you know it hurts so why are you doing it to me? Im not a terrible kid, (i like to think) I dont smoke drink heck im still a vergin!? i dont do wild partys i dont do partys at all, i try help my parents as much as i can. now i know what your thinking. "this kid doesn't do anything worth living," and i honesty agree with you. i have no friends, im homeschooled, so i have never had that support. No, actually i have i was lucky enought to have great brothers but sometimes im scared to talk to them, because i dont want whats in my mind to transfer to them my mind is a dangerous place im not joking. Im going to make another topic about my mental health. Like i stated before im seventeen no friends, (im not going to fib i had some but since i dont know how to talk to people they just fadded away) I dont do much but baby sit my ungratful terrorizing sister, i mean we were all terrible but i have no control over her, they say that i do but im not allowed to yell at her, order her around, and sheis 8 and im 17 and to be truthful i dont want those things i just with she'd listed to me....The point im depressed, i nevered talk to anyone about this, i tryed once but that didn't end up good. so that dear people is why this post is so long all of this and more has been bottled up in my mind for years. And whybim here at seventeen, wanting to just off a bridge, really there is a bridge here that cars pass andni want to jump it.
Dear DeadKitty
I Can Help You If You Need Someone To Talk To I Will Be Here.
[EDIT]

Last edited by Everglow.; March 23rd 2013 at 02:12 PM. Reason: Disclosing contact details.
   
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