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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Yasamansixx Offline
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i will kill myself because of my parents... - March 19th 2013, 06:23 PM

hi . im 15 girl and i have some serious problems with the most hated people for me, my parents. plz give me some solution... my life is being destroyed...
they dont give me any money: i have this problem since 4 or 5 years ago till now... they are used to not giving me money in anyway... they say that they dont really have money but im sure they have, but they dont give a damn about what i really need to buy... for example. its new year in our country tomorrow and my father dont give even a little bit money to buy clothes. he cant realize it that what should i wear after holiday when others are brand new... it means that i dont have any special or beautiful clothes. my style sucks. i sould make something nice with a few thing i have and its hard. when im seeing other teens everywhere that what a great llife and glamours clothes and styles they have, it makes me cry as hell.
i tell them come on! im a teen! i need make up, i need bauty, i need clothes, i need money! and they are like: wait until i got some money... they day that never comes!
sometimes i think im the ugliest person amoung my classmates and friends (whom their parents love them and do everything they want)
i cant have friends, i cant go to their parties, i cant invite them to my home (because i dont have any good in my room and my house sucks)
im an internet and social medias freak and im connected to so many teens around the world and it depresses me when i see their beautiful style and everything.
i just have 3 pair of jeans!!!! maybe you say im lying but its true!
i have an old pc with windows XP !!!!
i havent read 1 book about 6 years!!!
my father even dont give me money to buy headset for my phone. and my mother dont give a damn if she see tears in my eyes. she even doesnt ask what the hell is with me.
i have just one highhill. and 4 sneakers. i even dont have boots!
all my shirts are old and ugly and it reduce my confidence everywhere...
all my friends are super rich and i cant tell them whats my problem ( they will leave me alone and will laught at me)
i even really dont know tricks of make up and anything about beauty because i have nothing for beauty and make up to deal with!
and so many other problem that are caused of no money.
im crying now and its about 1 week that im not talking to my parents( actually its not matter for them if i do or not)
the only thing that keeps me and makes me happpy are internet, music nad my future dream and if they didnt excist, i would have killed myself.
plz help me... thanks for reading all these... this forum was the only way that i could get some help and advie...
* i can explain my condition and other problems if you want to know.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Collies R Us Offline
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Re: i will kill myself because of my parents... - March 19th 2013, 09:10 PM

Let's think about this, before doing anything rash.
Clothes are just clothes. Really, personality shines over clothes, at least where I live. I could have the most in-style clothes in the country but if I'm a jerk, I'm still a jerk, and as a result, I wouldnt have many friends.

I think you're pulling YOURSELF down; not your clothes pulling you down.
I'm serious. I'm friends with my friends for their personality, not their clothes or money. But I think you may be thinking they would judge you off your clothes. And some people WILL do that, but you gotta keep looking for those that don't judge off looks. Find friends that like you for you. Join a club or a youth group.

And you don't need makeup either. I don't wear makeup (wait, I have a little concealer for occasional spots, but that's it.), and I'm fine. In fact, I know other teenage girls that also don't wear makeup. No blush, mascara, eyeshadow, etc. You don't need all that at this age because you're still young. Now, forty years olds may need that if they really think so, but teens? No. I blame media. Of course the actors wear makeup. Hollywood loves the pretty factor, or the lust factor, so they try to only cast society's image of beautiful and then they make their actors starve to get even thinner and put on makeup when they really don't need to. It's sad where we're going...

And please try to see this from your parents' perspective. I think they do love you, even if they can't spend money on buying you makeup and cool clothes. And they really may not be able to...would you rather have food or makeup? Do you see my point? They really may not have the money to buy you extra things that you don't need. And those other students whose parents buy them everything they want because they "love" them...rethink that.
Have you heard, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind? If those parents are buying their teens everything they want, then those kids will grow up into spoiled babies. No joke. And they won't appreciate what they have; they'll just want more and more and if they're lucky, they'll eventually realize that STUFF cannot make you happy for long. Love is one of those things that wil make you happy for a long time, but when parents keep giving their kids everything they ask, that giving becomes part of the relationship, maybe replacing the love. So maybe when the parent stops giving, the kid will stop "loving" them, because maybe that "love" was only love for the newest fashion. This is all hypothetical; I'm no physchologist.

And I think they're getting to you too. They are making you unappreciative of what you have. Actually, it's not them, it's this jealously, this desire to be like everyone else. Well, I say break that chain. Be different. Swim against the crowd. Why would we want to become a bunch of cookie-cutter people?

And please try stepping into other people's shoes.
Don't kill yourself over this. Would you really throw your life away to become one of society's little clones? You're beautiful the way you are.

God bless.
- Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i will kill myself because of my parents... - March 19th 2013, 10:42 PM

Hey,

I'm heartbroken to read how you feel about your parents - who should be the most important people in your life.
Naturally, because you're upset and you really shouldn't have to be at our age...but also because of what, as Ally infered, appears to have been a huge influence upon you and the way you think by the materialistic media.

I'm going to start with your comment that other people have parents who "love" them because they buy them nice things. If you believe nothing else that I say, please do believe this: your parents love you too.
We are in the middle of the worst economic crisis in years, and money's tight. I'm in a similar situation (if not worse, from the "must have everything my friends have" point of view), but I know that my mum does love me even if she can't necessarily buy me too much more than my piano lessons in terms of luxuries. And I'm grateful even for that one amazing thing.
You say that you need a headset for you phone, more pairs of jeans and shoes, some makeup.
I actually started a thread on what we consider "needs" today a few days ago. It's here if you'd like to look at it.
Think of it this way: at least you've got a phone (I haven't); your thee pairs of jeans are better than none; two pairs or trainers/sneakers? Much better than none - even better than just having one.

You seem particularly concerned about fashion and looks. Up to a point, I can understand that. Fashion is something you are passionate about, and being unable to experiment with ideas for it because of your lack of resources is highly frustrating. I'm the same way with technology.

Another thing you mentioned though, was that you didn't feel that you could confide in your friends at all. Perhaps your culture is different to the one I live in, but when I talk to my friends (despite that they are very much better off than me!) about any issues I might be having, which might relate to money - maybe I can't go on a trip because no-one will pay for me to go - then it feels pretty crap, yes, but they don't laugh or jeer. They comfort, they attempt to make me feel better.
I'd say that true friends wouldn't dream of laughing or making fun of you.

Perhaps you've heard everything I've said before and don't really want to hear it. You maybe just me to agree with you.
But honestly, you're doing fine with material value. I think the love of the bond you share with your parents, and the joy of real friendship is what you actually want and the lack of it is actually causing your upset.

I understand how you feel, and definitely why you feel it. But I also have a different perspective to your situation and I think you'll feel better if you might look at it from this perspective too.

If you do want to talk more about it, do always feel free to PM me, though (there's a link below my post).


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
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Re: i will kill myself because of my parents... - March 19th 2013, 11:40 PM

It sounds like you're upset because you are around people, your friends and classmates, who get "everything they want" and you want to have those same things, but your parents can't or won't buy those things for you or give you money to buy them. I'm sorry that you feel less than the people around you because you have less expensive things, but there is a difference between needs and wants. Needs are things that we can't live without, food, water, shelter etc. All the things you listed are wants. I didn't have my own laptop until I went to college, and it was only because I went to college, I didn't have my own cell phone until I was 23, I have 3 pairs of jeans and that's okay with me because the style of clothing has never been that important to me. If people won't talk to you or be your friend because of what you wear or have in your room then they aren't worth being friends with in the first place. I think your parents are trying to teach you that you can't have everything you ask for just because you want it or because everyone else has it. They're financial situation or values may be different than other parents; that just means that they're different, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you want to read a book, find a local library or use the one in your school, you can read all the books you want for free. If you really want things that your parents consider luxuries then earn the money for them, either by getting a job, or if you're too young, babysitting or odd jobs or save up birthday and holiday money. That will be your money to use for whatever you want. You aren't inferior to anyone no matter what you do or don't have, people will focus on who you are and if they don't then it's their loss.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i will kill myself because of my parents... - March 20th 2013, 01:56 AM

Hey!

I understand how you feel. My brother is older than me so I got his hand-down clothes from when he was younger when I was growing up and still do. My dad got me two girly shirts and my jeans are huge because they're made for boys. I only wore like 3 different dresses when I was about 4 for church and now I don't have any dresses that fit. I'm not allowed to wear make-up. But, I have a best friend who cares a lot about me, and a family who loves me. Even though we don't have much money, I'm still thankful for my best friend, one of the most important parts of my life and family who cares. Although it still upsets me that I can't wear girly stuff, that's understandable because every girl wants to look nice but I just hope that you realize your parents do love you, it isn't because they don't want you to have those things to be spiteful. Money is tight these days.

In the meantime, make friends that care for you. If they laugh at you for this, because they're rich and have "what they want" then you know that they aren't true friends who will stick with you. I thought that's what friends were? Friends stick with you, comfort you and love you for who you are, not what material items you have.

Keep in mind that in the future, you can get a job, and wear whatever style you want. Buy make-up and such. You'll have that freedom. And by that time, you'll have most likely made friends who care about and you could go shopping with them.
   
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