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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I just don't know anymore - March 23rd 2013, 10:09 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi? Okay that was stupid but I don't know how to start this, so I've been depressed and self harming on and off (mostly on) since I was about 14 and basically this last couple of months I've been self harming almost everyday just to escape never have I once wanted to actually die but today I woke up and it was just like everything inside my head hated me I could barely do anything I hardly got out of bed and I just cried at how pathetic I felt I got up and had a shower and basically got my blade and cut myself and I just wouldn't stop bleeding but for the first time ever I just accepted it willing all the blood out of my body so I could just die then and there, but it stopped eventually "/ and now I just feel scared I keep looking at things and being like I could kill myself with that so easily.
I have no one to speak to, my best friends on holiday but even of he wasnt I don't think I could tell him and explain. And I have no one else after pushing everyone away and hating the world. So i guess what I'm saying is its be nice to talk to someone, thanks for reading this I guess and ermm love you all x
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 24th 2013, 12:05 AM

I want to start by letting you know that you are not alone. We here on TeenHelp are all here for you.

If you need to chat then message me, you are worth recovery, worth life and you can and will get through this.

"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

PM/VM me anytime
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 26th 2013, 02:16 PM

Hey, I get it. I've only bled once and I wanted it to kill me. I don't know why. It's stupid because I know that this one girl will be so messed up by my death. I am admittedly suicidal but more that really want the pain to stop. Please talk to me if you need to. <3 Stay strong, girlie.
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 28th 2013, 01:49 AM

Hey, you beautiful person. <3

I am so sorry you're going through this... I know things can get so bad. I'm really glad you posted here. Umm... Can I ask how come you're feeling this way? What caused these feelings to lead to this?

I realize that it can be extremely difficult to not push people away, but I think you should use this as a lesson and try to stop yourself whenever you try to push someone away. Recognize that you're doing it and try to stop yourself. And I really think it's important that you open up to someone. Friends or family members, a sibling maybe and more importantly, your best friend. You could go ahead and write out a note and give it to him when he gets back, that way you can figure out now how to go about explaining the whole thing. It's much easier to do it through a letter. Can you speak with a therapist?

By the way, you probably already know this and have been told this, but Self-Harm isn't the answer to things, neither is suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Pain ends, but with suicide, you throw your life away. You're 17 and have so much to live for. So please try to hold on, please try to open up to someone. The first step of getting better and recovering is you wanting to feel better. And I think talking to someone would help you to make that step. Having someone know, and realizing that you're worth it. Then Self-harm, it may seem helpful right now but all it really does is create scars that you feel you have to hide and it does away with healthy coping mechanisms and in the end, Self-Harm is all you learn to rely on. Which is bad. You have to wanna recover from Self-Harm as well, it can't just be something you just do. Commitment is required. I believe in you.

There's quite a few techniques to stop Self-Harming. Such as the Butterfly Project, which is where you draw a butterfly where you'd usually Self-Harm and write someone's name above or under it, someone you care a lot about. You have to wait till it fades on it's own, you can't rub it off on purpose and if you Self-Harm then you kill the butterfly. Then there's the Self-Harm alternatives list which has many different things you can try out. Different things on the list work for different people so it's good to be patient till you find a few that work for you. They can be pretty helpful to ride out urges.

Something else, taking up a new hobby or doing something you enjoy and have fun doing can help you to cheer yourself up. Listen to music, play games, draw, paint, go for a refreshing walk (the sun increases a natural chemical in your brain that induces positive emotions), go bike riding, make a garden with pretty flowers, cuddle a pet or adopt one. Take up a sport, volunteer, take up beading/arts and crafts/knitting. Go see a movie or go out to eat, get yourself out of the house. It's good to get yourself moving. Write your feelings in a journal or write poems to express yourself.

Hope I helped a bit! Oh and feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to or just vent to. I don't know what to say all the time but I can definitely listen and try to help. Remember, you can do this!

Stay Strong <3
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 30th 2013, 03:34 AM

Thankyou I'm going to try talking to my mate when he comes back and see if that helps.
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 30th 2013, 04:09 AM

You're welcome! I'm happy you're gonna try to talk to someone. I hope it goes well.
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Re: I just don't know anymore - March 30th 2013, 05:43 AM

This is gonna sound bad but stick with me. First as said above you are not alone the full force of teenhelp is behind you(let's just hope it's not down at the time) and it's good that your gonna talk to someone. Now the sounding bad part, your are 17 this is the worst hardest part of your life sounds bad right well think again in an hour(at least over here on my part of the earth) it will be a new day and you will be 1 day closer to stepping out of the horrible teenage years. Each day each minute your getting farther and farther from the difficult 13-18 year old times. Your almost out don't give up now. PM anytime.

Every heartbreak we go through makes us the perfect person for our soulmates. Shaping us into what they've always been looking for.

Need to talk, PM me.

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It would bother me if you DIDN'T ask for help.
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