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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Lost it - April 2nd 2013, 03:35 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Is it sane that I was disappointed that I couldn't find rope yesterday so I could "Casually" play with a noose? That I wish I had a sharper implement for cutting? What the hell... I constantly think about stupid things like that, not like I haven't tried something stupid like a dozen times. I just don't know, why should it matter now? I haven't cut in a long time nor have I seriously considered anything stupid in an equally long time. I think I'm loosening control again. I was seriously disappointed I couldn't find rope...
   
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Re: Lost it - April 3rd 2013, 12:20 AM

Please talk with someone about this if you want to get better. You CAN get better. Please try. Please don't give up.
I'll pray for ya.
- Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: Lost it - April 3rd 2013, 04:25 AM

Hi, Chris.

I'm sorry about this... Is it alright if I ask what happened to make you feel this way? These thoughts are a sign that you should talk to someone. Get some support about what's bothering you to drive you down this road. Can you speak with a therapist? Or talk to family or friends? Talking about it could really help you and you don't deserve to go through this alone.

Suicide isn't the answer though. You'll lose your chance at being happy and getting through this, after you make it past the storm, you'll be so much stronger and more experienced. You lose your future if you go through with suicide. And there's always good things, chances, opportunities in the future that'd be a shame to miss out on. And suicide hurts more than just you, it hurts all those around you who love you. So please don't give up, okay? You're worth it. Hang in there. Things do get better. =)

I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

Stay Strong <3
   
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Re: Lost it - April 3rd 2013, 08:08 PM

What made me feel this way? Hmm... I feel... Tired... So incredibly exhausted, like I haven't slept in ages. I'm tired of life, me and life just don't mix. I can't talk to a professional. My friends don't seem to be around anymore though =(.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 3rd 2013, 11:40 PM

I'm very sorry to hear that. =( Can you tell your parents or relative?
   
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Re: Lost it - April 4th 2013, 12:58 AM

No, no family, no no no. Better try friends... but , Like I said, they are, er... busy.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 4th 2013, 01:31 AM

Oh, well can you try and reach out to them, contact them? Ask to meet up?

In the meantime, try to occupy yourself by doing something fun that you enjoy? Trying something new?
   
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Re: Lost it - April 4th 2013, 04:32 AM

I don't know how. I don't want to upset anyone, I don't want to bother anyone. I just... Is it that I'm lonely? I don't 'know. I don't know anything, life sucks.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 4th 2013, 05:09 AM

Well, Chris, people who love you are gonna be upset but can't you see that even you went through with suicide they'd be absolutely devastated? Or if you went so long without telling them your true feelings they'd feel sad that you had a mask on the entire time? You could write it on a note or letter if that'd make it easier.

I don't know, you could be lonely. But look inside yourself, sort through your feelings. It can help to know what's causing these feelings to figure out how to make it better.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 5th 2013, 09:28 PM

I don't think I can get better, I always come back to the same point.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 6th 2013, 02:45 AM

That's because... These points of depression, you learn better coping mechanisms and stuff. You gain things in life that make you happier as you go on. And recovery from depression is like recovery from anything else, you're gonna have relapses. What matters is how you pick yourself back up. Don't focus on "I don't think", focus on "I can".
   
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Re: Lost it - April 7th 2013, 12:54 AM

I don't know what do to.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 12th 2013, 09:54 PM

I guess wishing I was dead is not an improvement? Meh oh well, I argue with myself all the time that's not new.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 13th 2013, 12:23 AM

To have improvements, it takes awhile. Start by appreciating little things in your life and focusing on those.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 15th 2013, 07:31 AM

I'd say my whole world is tumbling down but then... My world has tumbled down for years, only problem is, I'm at the button underneath all the rubble. I suck at this life game. I feel like this game is never going to end, and I don't mean that in a positive way as if to say "The game of life will not end I will play the whole thing" I mean it in the negative sense. Positivity is hard to see when your stuck in place you never seem to find your way out of.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 15th 2013, 11:19 AM

I understand what you're saying, I really do. I've been there before and I think all of us have been at some point. Thing is, there really isn't a certain solution to that. It's all part of figuring things out as we go. Figuring out our lives and ourselves. It takes time but eventually we get our answers.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 18th 2013, 09:18 PM

Time... Time is one thing we don't have in abundance.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 19th 2013, 09:46 PM

Things might go terribly wrong in the next few days, we'll find out if life is worth living *shrugs*
   
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Re: Lost it - April 25th 2013, 03:59 AM

I just want something to make sense, and I feel so incredibly crapy right now.
   
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Re: Lost it - April 25th 2013, 04:31 AM

I so understand that feeling. How about doing something you enjoy? To let yourself have a little fun and some distraction.
   
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