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Palmolive Offline
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Name: Jessie
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Desperation (possibly triggering) - April 5th 2013, 12:07 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I guess I'm here because I'm desperate. This might be long and complicated and I'm really sorry for that.

I broke, completely. Things got really bad maybe two weeks ago. I haven't gotten out of bed in the past seven days apart from having to go to A&E four times; once for an overdose, twice for self harm and once to go to an out of area hospital, to see the crisis team which resulted in me being detained in a psychiatric ward in a safe room by police and put under a section 4.

I'm struggling with the thoughts badly and it makes me so agitated that I just cut until there's no more skin left. My legs are bandaged up, it's hard to walk. I haven't eaten in a week. It's too scary to go outside because of the voices. All I can think about is cutting and killing myself.

I'm seeing the crisis team twice a day at home. I saw a woman (who has been seeing me most) from the CT this morning and we decided today I had to make a small step forward. She wanted to take me out but it felt too much so we made a plan for me to watch movie or come on here, instead.

So here I am.

I don't know what I'm asking for. I feel so alone right now and just anything, any support, advice, would be so lovely because I feel so lost and I don't know what to do. And the wors part is, today, if the first day I've functioned properly. My dad took me to see my doctor this morning. I'm sat up in bed. I actually spoke. I'm sat here, on this site, but even though I feel like I'm starting to function a little again, it still hurts more than ever and I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Please, any help, would be really lovely.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Desperation (possibly triggering) - April 5th 2013, 12:17 PM

Aww hon in here for you. -bro hug- you can rant to me if you need to. I don't judge. Im always online (I have no social life ). Try to picture a T-Rex putting on a hat or making a bed. It makes me happier. You can PM me if you want.

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Re: Desperation (possibly triggering) - April 6th 2013, 04:21 AM

Aww, Jessie.

I am really sorry, hon. This is sad to hear... I think you are incredibly brave for posting here, for just being able to function today because that's a step forward. I'm sorry I don't have much to say. I think it'd be a really, really good idea if you got your family to throw away the things you use to cut with. And the drugs you use to OD with. Because that's a really hard step to make on your own, especially in the state you're in right now. It could save you. Can you have your dad there to talk to?

I think having the crisis team there for you would help you in the long run as well. To help you make the steps forward. All the little steps contribute to recovery. Could you possibly try to get up? Have your dad walk you to the kitchen to get something to eat? And so you'll have someone to protect you and show you that the things you're seeing aren't real. It'd be a good way to convince yourself.

I'm really sorry you're going through all this, lovely. You're a beautiful person, you've helped so many people around here and you're beautiful, inside and out. You're really strong, you've been through a lot and here you stand, still fighting and trying. That's really amazing and you're a big inspiration. I admire you. I know you can do this. You have so much hope for others, share that with yourself. Remind yourself you're strong enough. I believe in you and you've got so many people here who love you and are here for you, don't forget that. You have me. Remember that things get better and you can get through this. You're gonna be so much stronger.

Stay Strong, keep fighting, everything gonna be okay, hunny. <3
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