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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 12th 2013, 03:57 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have barely any friends at school, I get judged because of my taste in music and interests, I sometimes cut myself because it's just too much to handle.. And recently, I've had thoughts about killing myself. I've previously been put under suicide watch, and I feel as though I'm simply a let down to my family. I've been single for almost a year, though I used to be a lot more social, because my last girlfriend cheated on me. I just want to feel loved and wanted, but it seems like I can never be happy. The only reason why I haven't already committed suicide is because it'd break my mother's heart, even though I don't see her very often. I cry myself to sleep at least twice a week,and I sometimes get angry because of how terrible my life Is. I just want advice.
   
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Re: Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 12th 2013, 09:33 PM

I'm sorry. We all go through rough times. My advice is...different from what you may expect, but hear me out please.

I was alone. My friends weren't really my friends. I was just the quiet nerd-girl in the back of the room. My clothes weren't in style; I didn't know a thing about the latest hit music. Even in my group of not-so-friends, I was silent, alone. Sometimes it got to me, and sometimes I just forgot it, pushed it out of my mind. Truth is, I didn't have a single real friend. I despaired and sometimes wallowed in self-pity, insecurity. I was either sad or just there; those were my main feelings.
Somewhere along the road, I found Jesus and He really did turn my world around. Joined a youth group, FCA and then high school, and now I DO have friends (They are mainly from another club, however.). And they're real friends. And my life is sooo much better.
I discovered a while ago that if I hadn't found Jesus and if I had truly realized I had no friends, I'm sure I would have spiraled into something bad, maybe even suicide. Hindsight is 20/20 they say.
But what's amazing is that I'm happy; sure, there are many rough spots, but God holds me up when I start stumbling.

I'm NOT telling you this because I want to number you as a statistic, I telling you because Jesus can help YOU and I really think you need Him, just like how I need Him. I wouldn't bother telling you if I didn't think He could help you. If you wanna do this just google something along the lines of 'how to accept Jesus'. I advise you to find a Bible and read some of the New Testament after you pray to Jesus.
God bless.
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Re: Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 12th 2013, 09:57 PM

Hey,

I am sorry that you are struggling but I want you to know that you CAN make it through this. I know that right now things seem hopeless but life has a way of turning around.

Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to such as your mom? I know that opening up to people about all of this can be scary but I am sure that you mom would rather you talk to her about the way that you are struggling then struggle in silence. Also, have you considered looking into getting a counselor? It could be really beneficial to have someone to talk over your feelings with and help you get down to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you are feeling all of these things.

You have listed some of the things that are causing you to feel so low and that is great but are there any other things that are making you feel low? It might help if you work on making a list of all the things that are making you feel low. I know when I am feeling low I try and list the things that are bothering me because then I can try and work on resolving them one thing at a time.

Have you ever considered making a reasons to live list? If not I think you should consider making one. Here is a link to teenhelps reasons to live list. I suggest you look over some of the reasons other people have to keep on fighting and then make one of your own. I think the key is to remember that no reason is too small to keep on fighting. Also, your list might start out small but as time goes on it might grow.

Have you ever considered getting involved in volunteer work or clubs at your school? It might help you meet people who have some of the same interests as you. I know right now you are struggling to find friends but every day can be an opportunity to find friends. You are worthy and with time you will find friends just keeping on keeping on.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to PM or VM me.


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Re: Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 13th 2013, 08:26 AM

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. There are a few clubs at school but none that are interesting. I'm very shy which makes it hard to open up to counsellors, but sometimes I find it easier to talk to my mother. The thing is, I just don't want her to worry about me because she already has enough problems to stress over. I like the idea of making lists and tackling things one at a time, but with all the homework and studying I have to do, I find it hard to do things I want to do. I will try to keep my mind off the bad thoughts and once again, thanks for the advice.
   
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Re: Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 13th 2013, 11:04 AM

Hi there!

First, I wanna say that I'm really sorry about what you're going through. Life can be really tough sometimes and that's actually an understatement. But you have to keep in mind that things have been better in the past and there's no reason why we can't get to that again, right? There's good times and bad times in our lives, the goal is getting through the hard times and things will get so much better. Plus, I think that when we really get past the difficult things, it makes us so much stronger and better for it in the future. We realize that things do get better and we have to stay strong, try to fix the problem if we can and sometimes we need a little help from others. And basically learn new healthy coping mechanisms.

In all honestly, suicide is never the answer to anything. No matter how bad things are. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I believe you'll find that living is worth it, that you're worth it and be thankful you didn't go through with suicide so I'm really glad you're holding on for your mom. Her and probably many others would really be devastated if you went through with it. I know your family probably feels sad over this but I don't think that they see you as a let down. If not suicidal thoughts, everyone goes through depression in their life so I'm sure that somewhere inside them, they do understand. You can show them that you'll get through this because you're strong. You aren't a let down, okay?

I know you don't want your mother to worry but I think she'd worry and be a lot more upset if you kept everything to yourself. I think it'd help to get thoughts and feelings off your chest and generally have someone close to you to talk to. Just try and talk to anyone that'll listen, reach out. Whether it be a teacher or a family member. Being depressed is hard enough but to go through it alone? That makes it ten times harder. Being one that has a tough time talking about her feelings, I thought I'd suggest something. Which is writing what you wanna say to someone in a note and giving it to them, or even via text. Makes it all a lot easier than saying it out-loud.

Also, I'm really sorry about your girlfriend cheating on you. I can imagine that must have been pretty hard on you. Although every girl won't be like that. There'll be other girls that love and respect you for who you are which is what you deserve. That's worth waiting on, right? Sometimes there's bad apples in the bunch but all of them won't be spoiled. Could you try to talk to some girls at school you have an interest in? Also, I'm sorry to hear about you being judged because of your interests. That's really wrong of everyone else in my opinion because I mean, everyone has different interests and that's what makes us unique. That shapes our personality. We shouldn't have to like certain things to be accepted, that's fake. At least being ourselves and being judged makes that person's true colors show so we'll know who are our real friends who like us for who we are. Seems like a rare find these days. I have some relation to that because my family calls my interests "stupid", musical, tv shows, movies, everything really so I know how much it can hurt. Being judged and it really makes you feel as if no one is interested in you. Really, I learned to just go along and be myself. It eventually gets easier to not care what others think and be yourself. That's how it should be. Can you try to approach other people at school and meet new people to hopefully make some new friends that'll accept you for who you are. I know it can be pretty hard finding good friends but when you finally do I think it'll be well worth it. One of the steps to feeling better may be to start trying to be more social a little at the time.

Another thing I thought I'd mention, self-harm doesn't help in the long run. I know it may help right now but it's really not worth it because it eventually becomes the ONLY coping mechanism and it gets addictive and you have to do it more and more for it to "work". When you self-harm, it releases endorphins which is what makes it so addictive and hard to stop so instead, you could exercise and go for walks/runs instead of self-harming since it too releases endorphins. Exercise is healthy so it's a win win. Self-harm eventually brings in so many more negative feelings of guilt and sadness but yet, you're addicted so it becomes a vicious cycle. That's why it's best to try and recover as soon as possible. It's hard at first but it gets so much easier but really, you have to choose to recover and realize that relapses happen but once you get past being able to not self-harm for awhile, you start to feel happier not having to rely on it. In addition to recovery from self-harm you can read through the Self-Harm Alternatives list by clicking here and try out some things on there for when you feel sad and wanna self-harm. There's also the Paper Stars thing that you can read about by clicking here and the Butterfly Project you can read about here.

In the meantime, remind yourself that life gets better. The storm passes eventually and there's always the rainbow at the end of the storm. You won't have to live like this forever, things won't feel so depressing forever. It's possible to eventually be happy and for life to pick up. We have to be strong, and try our best to make the best out of every bad situation. You can start by doing little things like focusing on the positive things in your life, being more social and try to talk to new people, maybe even do volunteer work? Take up a new hobby or interest? Go back to doing something like playing a game, watching a tv show or a movie you used to love but haven't seen in awhile? Exploring new things or distracting yourself in older good memories can really help. Also, I'm sorry you cry yourself to sleep. Even though that means something's wrong obviously, crying is good because it releases stress and gets your emotions out. I do the same when I'm really upset sometimes. Don't be afraid to do that. Something I've found out, taking walks/runs or even keeping your windows open during the day can help you because the sunlight increases a natural chemical in your brain that induces more positive emotions and also, the fresh air can really be refreshing as well. Admiring nature can really make you start to appreciate life more as well. You can also write poems that relate to what you're feeling or generally write down your feelings in a journal to get your feelings out there. It can really help.

Hold on. Life is worth it. Being happy is possible. You're worth it. I'm here if you need someone to talk to so don't be afraid to message me, alright? I don't always know what to say but I can definitely listen and I don't mind at all. I hope you feel better soon, I know you can get through this. You're strong enough. So keep going, don't give up. Sorry for the length by the way. I felt I needed to cover quite a few basis. Oh and sorry for typos or points being mixed together because at some point in this post, a spider fell in my hair and I literally freaked out like crazy so, I had to stop typing to freak out. When I calmed down I forgot where I was.

Stay Strong <3
   
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Re: Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 13th 2013, 02:24 PM

Basically, just listen to Christabel. If you haven't already noticed, her advise is the best of the best.

If you ever followed through with what you are feeling, all of the happiness, love, hilarity, silliness, pandas, movies, joy, humanity, and memories will go. And your mother, as you said
Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholicobscurity View Post
The only reason why I haven't already committed suicide is because it'd break my mother's heart

It really will, it would also break mine and many others. You may not know this, but just by you being here today, It has made an impact on so many people! Including myself. I know you exsist, and I love you for doing so. Just remember, it really does get better. Even if right now the feelings you are feeling are the absolute crushing worst. Sometimes it can take a while, and it doesn't always look like you imagine it will. But it does. I promise. It does get better.

I have those moments where I feel so alone and sad and hopeless and tired and overwhelmed and scared and fearful and tapped dry. And I just think "Stupid life" Then remember what I would be leaving behind, even if I think its nothing, my mother would think its everything and would most proberly blame herself.

Killing yourself is not the right thing to do, neither is cutting. It may numb your pain for a bit, but in the long run, it doesn't. Just remember you exsist for a reason, and by the sounds of it, that reason is for your mother. Just think of her lovely.

Keep strong!


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Last edited by kissthestarsgoodnight; April 13th 2013 at 02:30 PM. Reason: Grammatical error
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Re: Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and i cut myself. - April 13th 2013, 11:41 PM

Sweetie, you just need to breathe for a moment, and take the time to read over the advice that had been given to you here.

I understand that things are tough right now - it happens. But you need to realize that survival IS possible. I was once in a place similar to where you are right now. It felt like I would never survive and nothing or nobody would ever be able to save me. So I did attempt to kill myself. It was the worst mistake of my life. Waking up the morning after my attempt, I couldn't walk and my speech was slurred. In fact, these abilities didn't fully come back until about a week after my attempt. And even now, seven months after my discharge from the hospital, my legs still get weak from time to time.

If you attempted to kill yourself and failed, this is something you would have to live with. I still feel guilty everyday for what I put my family through. And it would break your mother's heart of you were to commit suicide. If you feel you have no reason to live, think of your mother. If you're seriously considering suicide, picture your mother, and everyone else who loves you, crying at your funeral. That's what keeps me going these days.

I know it might be really difficult for you to keep fighting on a daily basis. I get that. But you need to realize that survival IS possible, and even though it's tough, you can get through this. Believe in yourself.

Feel free to PM or VM me if you need to talk - I'm on your side.


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