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Maimeedsan Offline
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Relapse - April 14th 2013, 09:54 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi. I've been off and on cutter now for 4 years. I had long periods of time when I didn't cut at all (longest a year and a half), but I've always relapsed. Last year was the worst. I cut myself weekly just to be able to get out of bed. I have huge problems with exhaustion, and the more exhausted I am the harder it gets to keep on living. I just want out, and cutting is the only thing that helps (at least a little). I stopped cutting in October, but lately I've been feeling like it's going to happen again. I may be overreacting, but the last month was almost identical to last years, the big high before the crash, and I feel like I'm starting to crash again. I've been so stressed lately, and yesterday I came really close to taking a razor and starting again. I can't do it again. I can't repeat last year. I have absolutely no control when it gets that bad, and honestly I'd rather kill myself than repeat it. I've thought about it a lot. I have 3 different plans, and a backup plan. If I can't stop it, I'm done. I can't continue to fight with myself on everything, and I don't want to force myself to get out of the freaking bed. Sometimes the depression completely takes over, and I have no chance of fighting it. I'm not going to fight it anymore. If it gets bad enough I'm ending it.
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Collies R Us Offline
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Re: Relapse - April 15th 2013, 02:27 AM

Have you seen a professional about this? Please talk to someone....It can be a friend or family member. Just don't let yourself be alone. (I'm assuming you want help since you posted. Or is this just a statement you're making?) Please get help. It doesn't have to end this way; you can fight it.
Don't ever give up; or you'll fail. You become what you think. Thoughts become your actions. Don't give up. Why should this cycle take your life? Don't let it win.
Don't let it win.
God bless.
- Collies R Us

"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
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Re: Relapse - April 15th 2013, 01:20 PM

Hey there.

I'm really sorry you deal with this and things get so hard for you. Although I admire you for still trying to recover from self-harm even after 4 years. That shows so much determination and shows you can fight this, you can fight this depression. You've got your whole life to live and you shouldn't let this take over. It isn't YOU. Okay? This is a battle and you can win.

I think it'd be a really good idea if you talked to someone about this since you deal with it off and on. Maybe talk to family or friends? A therapist would be great to help you figure out how to beat this and how to cope.

You seem to have been through a lot with this, there's no reason why you can't get through this now. You're so strong and capable of this. I hope that you can see this and see that you're worth it, that suicide isn't the answer, that people love you and would miss you a lot. Don't lose sight of how amazing life can be, alright? There are good times in life. Things get better.

I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You can do this, hun. Don't ever give up. Don't ever stop fighting.

Stay Strong <3
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