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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: Chloe
Gender: Female

Posts: 17
Join Date: November 18th 2012

Unhappy Um me? - April 16th 2013, 05:38 AM

Ok, well I've just been completely sad. I mean things have been going okay, I'm seeing a therapist for my self harm and depression and what not. Though it's just like I have the inability to be happy. It's like "oh okay cool I got second chair in orchestra, I feel great!" But when I finally am alone and given time to actually think, I realize that I'm not happy. Deep, deep down inside for some reason I'm not content.It's like as peeling more and more layers off of me it just gets more and more sad. I don't really know why but it's making me mad. I've thought about suicide a few times but have never found myself up and actually executing a plan. I really wanna be an artist. I think if I didn't want to live as an adult and get married and have the job that I love I would have bumped myself off already, but I so so bad want to skip all of this. I just want to not deal with this anymore, y'know. I want to be truly happy. I don't wanna feel the urge to see my blood everywhere. I don't wanna have to feel weak like I do. I just, wanna skip the next 5 years of my life, but sadly I can't unless I fall into some kind of coma which will probably not happen; so I'm stuck here.
   
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Re: Um me? - April 16th 2013, 11:01 AM

Aww, Chloe.

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, hun. Ahh, you're such an amazing person and friend to me and I love talking to you! I can relate though, a lot. I get these feelings as well, even when things are going great in my life I sometimes still don't feel happy when I'm alone. So I know what you're going through.

So sorry you have suicidal thoughts and urges to self-harm... You deserve so much better than this and I mean that. I'm so relieved to hear that you aren't making any plans or anything because you're a smart girl, you realize that there's more to life than this. So many good things in the future. Suicide is never the answer. I know how much you just wanna get away from everything, skip past some years so things are easier, I understand that, I really do. But honestly, when it all comes down to it, all of these things you're dealing with and all the sadness you feel will eventually make you a lot stronger. So much more experienced in the future. If it weren't for some of our pasts, we wouldn't be as strong as we are today. Sometimes you become thankful for bad things that happened in the past when you're in the future if that makes any sense? All these things shape us. Makes us strong, understanding and caring, as long as we can push through the coldness of the battle. I know you can, Chloe.

Could you tell your therapist what you're feeling? The suicidal thoughts and just explain what you just told us? That when you're alone these feelings start popping up? I think it'd be good to address these suicidal thoughts before they possibly get worse. You could tell your therapist in a note if it's too difficult to say out-loud. I think it'd be great to be open and trusting with your therapist, they're there to help you and listen.

Something you have to keep an eye on, diet and sleep. Those effect your mood so make sure you're getting enough sleep and eating enough foods, healthy foods. Exercising is healthy and it gets your adrenaline going which makes you hyper and more happy. Plus, exercising releases endorphins which is what self-harm does. It could help to stop yourself from wanting to self-harm. Also, writing your feelings down in a journal or writing poems is a great way to express yourself.

When I feel sad, what helps me is listening to music, playing games, watching movies/tv shows, maybe you could try and do those things or at least something you enjoy? Go back to doing something you haven't done in years? Even watching one of your favorite movies as a kid. Or cuddle with pets, they're fluffy and good listeners. Or go on a walk, they're always refreshing and the sunlight increases a natural chemical in your brain that induces more positive emotions. Fresh air couldn't hurt either.

I hope I helped, Chloe. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, you know that. Remember you can get through this, alright? You're a strong and amazing person so you can surely do this, I know it. I believe in you. You can win this battle. Don't ever give up, darling. And hey, without the darkness, how would the stars shine?

Stay Strong <3
   
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