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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Amorphous. Offline
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Name: Hamed Khatiz
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: Sydney.

Posts: 555
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Giving Good Advice/Support - April 28th 2013, 07:21 AM

HEY GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! .

Okay, so what I am known most for around the TeenHelp community is my evil split personality . No, LOL, it's my being happy all the time and hyper and energetic and my intro LOL. But that is partly the problem in this situation..... I remember watching a video of a girl and her battles with suicide and she is all YouTube and Tumblr famous and that, but she got an email from someone saying that she doesn't have the right to tell people to "keep smiling" (her motto), when she doesn't know what it's like to be sad, cause she's known among subscribers for being happy all the time too.......

I know MANY people, some of my closest friends, who are struggling with suicide and self harm and such issues and the thing is, I can never feel like I give good advice to them, or reach out to them, considering I have never been suicidal myself..... I consider myself way blessed, I have got a loving family, I gave got amazing friends, and I'm happy...... Is it realistic to think that I can't help people going through suicide, PROPERLY, without being in that situation before? . I hope you know what I mean LOL, it's hard to explain but yeah.....


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Everglow. Offline
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Re: Giving Good Advice/Support - April 28th 2013, 12:35 PM


I don't think there is any reason why you can't help people just because you've never been there yourself. Sure, you may not be able to put yourself in their shoes, but that's not always necessary.Think of it this way, how many counsellors, therapists, psychiatrists, do you think have personally experienced suicidal thoughts, self harm, depression, within themselves? Some of them, sure, but a lot of it is training I Would have thought. They help people because they want to, not because they have a specific type of past that means they are most suited to it. I've never been suicidal as such, and never been formally diagnosed with depression. I Went through times where I thought I might have had it, but I don't think I do right now. Yet I'm the moderator of the suicide and depression forum. See what I'm getting at?

In my personal opinion, it's the thought that counts. IF you want to give support and advice, do some research, ask questions, and just give it your best. Don't forget also, that there are so many other areas of support which you will have experience in, and it's perfectly okay to be more confident giving advice in those areas rather than this one. I think it's great that you WANT to give advice full stop!

I hope this helped a bit.

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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Re: Giving Good Advice/Support - April 28th 2013, 05:33 PM

There's nothing wrong with never having had depression or suicidal thoughts and wanting to help out with those who are experiencing it. Like Hollie said, that's what many certified professionals do, few have been down that road but they care enough to go through the training to get their degree. They want to help people and make the world a better place for us and to see our lives take a turn for the better.

Have you ever considered volunteering here on TH? I've seen your post and you're all bubbly/optimistic. Of course, that's not enough but if you really care enough (and you do from what I can tell) and want to help, feel like you can provide the right assistance for those who are struggling, you definitely should apply.

I'm not too entirely sure if it counts on a C.V./Resume, because you aren't at a psychical place volunteering, but you should definitely ask Rob. Who knows, maybe it'll inspire you to take a minor in psychology and with that in your education plus the volunteering experience on TH, you might be able to nag a job in the area!

One last thing, you remind me of a friend who died a few years ago. She had CF and was all bubbly/cheery. And you want to know something, and hopefully this'll motivate you immensely. I was feeling pretty suicidal and have had hit rock bottom, so I messaged her (we never spoke properly before that), and she helped me see things will turn around for the better. It took a while, but I did notice the change for the better. You just might be able to save someone from suicide.
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Kate* Offline
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Re: Giving Good Advice/Support - April 28th 2013, 06:44 PM

I don't think you have to have gone through it to help people with it, but don't be surprised if some people who have disagree with that. It's not that you can't help them, sometimes, it's that they don't think you can and they resist your efforts. There is an element of deep understanding that you won't have because you haven't been there, but that doesn't make you useless to them.

What I would suggest NOT doing (not that I think you would do this) is giving the shallow advice of, I'm happy so be like me, or when I get "depressed" I do x, y, and z, try that and you'll feel better. Listening is the best thing you can do for someone. If you feel like they are safe (not going to hurt themselves) ask them to walk you through their logic of how they're feeling so bad; like how it evolved from the trigger to being suicidal and it might help you understand, even though it doesn't make logical sense. Don't do that if you feel like they are a serious danger to themselves, it can easily spiral and have them feeling worse!

Stay with someone who is suicidal until they calm down and offer to go with them to get help, or be there when they tell someone they need help. Don't be afraid to tell someone who can help yourself if you feel the need to keep them safe, or if you need to talk about what happened.

Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
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Re: Giving Good Advice/Support - April 29th 2013, 02:03 AM

Hi, Hamed!

It's always great seeing you happy, you've always given off a positive energy. I'm so thankful and happy to hear you've never been suicidal though, that's a really great thing.

I understand what you mean. I'm pretty blessed with things in my life and I've never had suicidal thoughts but it doesn't mean you shouldn't encourage people to go on, especially your friends. See, people that are considering suicide are deeply depressed, obviously, and they can't see any point in life. That's why it's good to remind them how much better life can be because YOU'RE happy, that could definitely give them hope. Hope for living and being happy. Knowing that it's possible, you know? I mean, you see all these sad people with problems in their life, nothing goes right, you're always getting bad news, but when you see someone that's happy and has a lot of positive energy and a smile, it fills my hope. But that's just me, personally. Sometimes it can make people feel like everyone's happy but them. Or you're belittling their feelings by saying to keep smiling since you've never been where they are.

Sure, experience does make it a lot easier to help someone but it doesn't mean you still can't help someone going through something like that. Simply giving that person support, a hug, a smile, listening, reminding them that life won't always be like this and that their life is worth it, anything like that could help.

You still do help people, Hamed. You're incredibly mature for your age and you're really understanding. You've helped me on many occasions and so many other people you've helped. So you do have knowledge on situations and the natural ability to comfort people enough to help them.

Hope that wasn't confusing.
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