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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Posts: 57
Join Date: May 7th 2012

Unhappy i'm not well - May 19th 2013, 01:48 AM

I'm not well.
I'm sad and lonely and, internally, a train wreck.
I have great parents who love me and want the best for me but I'm not happy.
I don't have time for friends. They don't make any effort either.
I am doing great in school but not good enough.
People say I'm a happy person, of course I am when I always tell them I'm fine.
People say this wish they were me sometimes, because school is so easy for me but life isn't just school.
I feel like I have no where to go.
My best friend moved away.
I have no one here I can share my life's ups and downs with.
Maybe, you would think, I should be more social.
but why be social when I don't fit in with anyone. Kids my age just don't get me.
I'm different, mature beyond my years and i don't want to indulge in childish ventures.
When I thought I was finally happy, I had found a boy who was so perfect and loved me.... but my fairytale ended.
Parents and the distance tore it down.
I miss him.
I still love him.
He completed me.
With him I was happy, and didn't want to die.
but now i do.
I am back to writing depressing poetry and stories, drawing broken hearts and demons, drawing on my arm the scars I will soon leave
I want to end my pain, end this suffering
Without love, what is there?
Love doesn't hurt.
losing it does.
A lot.
If it is cruel to not kill a suffering animal, why should it be any different with humans?
End my suffering,
end my pain.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Randy Cutter
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Name: Randy
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Location: NC

Posts: 25
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Join Date: May 17th 2013

Re: i'm not well - May 19th 2013, 02:42 AM

Sweetie, life is beautiful! Life comes with ups and downs, and it always will. It's just what life is all about. Sometimes people just won't be there for you, or you just won't have time for them. I know this very well. Growing up, I never had anyone there for me, but I still found joy in life. Mystical things like:
  • the plant life
  • bugs that inhabit the plant life
  • the sky (that's a big one)
  • the laughter of a child
These are all thing EVERYONE should take time to deeply look at. Living isn't just about you, and I don't say that to be mean. It's just the truth. There is so much in this world that we take for granted. For example, the way that ant's work together serve their queen, with no incentive what so ever, other than to do it. That to me is amazing. Just take some time each day and enjoy LIFE. It really is a beautiful thing!
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm not well - May 19th 2013, 06:24 AM

Hey there, hun!

I'm very sorry about this. I can understand what you mean. Sometimes we just can't fit in, huh? Sometimes we're too silly for people our age and sometimes we're too mature. Seems like there's no in-between. Thankfully, there are friends out there who can appreciate us for who we are, and be someone we enjoy being around. And you know, truly appreciate us for who we are. Just because some people make you feel like you don't fit in, don't give up just yet! Sometimes people hide their own personality well, and we don't notice it.

Love is hard, when you lose it. I can understand that. Sucks when everything in reality crushes a relationship, seems like you're bound to lose. And then you find yourself lonely and writing depressing poems. Trust me, I've been there, do still go there sometimes. Frankly, it just seems to work out eventually in its own little way. We find a way to make something work, we meet a new person and we find a way to make stuff work. You can't give up till you finally see that. You can meet someone else, you know? You seem like a smart and amazing person.

Can you talk to your parents about how you're feeling? Sometimes it can really help to have some support in your life. You could tell them in a note to make it a little easier if you want, because, well, suicidal thoughts are kinda bad to have and can be dangerous. For your life and emotions. You deserve to have some help, okay? Your life is worth it, more than you know. You cannot give up, life is hard but all the things we go through helps us to learn to cope better. To deal with things better and even help others after we learn how to help ourselves. Try to build some healthy coping mechanisms with yourself. Things to make you happier. Like hobbies, interests, new things. Have something to go to.

Don't give up. You're so strong, strong enough to get through this. Don't doubt yourself! You can message me if you need someone to talk to.

Stay Strong <3
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Posts: 57
Join Date: May 7th 2012

Re: i'm not well - May 20th 2013, 05:16 PM

thank you both for replying to me
The thing is happy things are merely a distraction from my emotions, they come right back after.
This was the second person I tried to let help me. but they all just leave.
Why am I the one to suffer? Must everyone I love be lost?
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm not well - May 20th 2013, 08:54 PM

Sometimes it can only be a short distraction, that's the point. And it can sometimes cheer you up. Keep trying.

I know exactly how you feel. I've felt like that so much... Things are hard right now, I see that and I'm really sorry. But you're strong, you can get through this. Sometimes you find a person that sticks around.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Posts: 57
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Re: i'm not well - May 20th 2013, 10:47 PM

Thank you Christabel, maybe I'll stick around a little longer and look for someone new...
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