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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ken31 Offline
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Antisocial Help - May 21st 2013, 02:39 AM

I've been using my girlfriend as a crutch for the past two years. I recently graduated highschool, and i'm going away to college next semester, but the only friend I've had for the past few years is my girlfriend.
Before I met her I had severe depression and it was rough going into our relationship but after the first few months my depression nearly disappeared, but I learned something about myself that scares me deeply. I don't like to be alone, but I don't really care about other people very much. I like to make people laugh, I can be around them in a generally amicable way, and I'm more tolerant than most other people when it comes to how they behave. I don't talk about people behind their back, and I try to be pleasant when I'm around them, but I don't really care or feel sad when they feel sad or they're hurt. I try to show it but I don't feel anything. I never do anything to upset people, I try to be interesting and I can hold conversations pretty well, but people never really want to be around me, except for my girlfriend. I see groups of guys talking and laughing and I feel like I want to be part of a friendship but no-one ever wants to hang out with me. I don't know how to act when I'm confronted...

I like making people happy, but I don't really care about them. I still get lonely and depressed very easily if i'm not around them, but I can't seem to muster enough energy to be aroud them.
I think very carefully about how I act so I never do anything that could be perceived as aggressive or unsocial and I don't display any ego, but people tend to gravitate away from me anyway...

Is this sociopathy? Or am I just unattractive to people? Am I an asshole? I'm going to college, away from my girlfriend and my parents who keep me from being depressed and lonely, what should I do?

Being with my girlfriend and being on the computer keeps me occupied mostly, but I know it's not healthy. I know I need to spend more time with people, but I don't know how to enjoy myself around them. People seem to interrupt me to say things to other people a lot, and sometimes people don't take what I say very seriously, even though I don't lie when it isn't absolutely necessary (which isn't often, and is discreet)

How do I enjoy other people's company? How can I be heard? How do I get people to listen to what I have to say? Why do people sometimes treat me badly when I didn't do anything to upset them?

I like making my girlfriend happy and treating her nicely but sometimes I wish she'd do the same for me. I don't feel sad when she's sad though, but I know how to comfort her and make her feel better.
I think I love her but I don't know if the fact that I can't always empathize with her means that I don't.

I know I have a lot of questions but I need some advice, because I can't talk to anyone who knows me because they think I'm fine, or they aren't close enough to me to talk to, or they won't take me seriously because people don't sometimes.
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Re: Antisocial Help - May 21st 2013, 03:00 AM

Wow. Some of what you said sounded like me; some not. I have trouble with the emotions area, empathy. It's like I know what I should be feeling, but I don't feel it, or I do feel it, but compared to other people, my emotions seem dulled. I don't know; it may all be in my head. I'm working on this too.

You're not alone! If that's any comfort to you...

My suggestion is to join a club or organization you enjoy. That's how I came to be friends with, I'd say, almost all of my current friends. You'd be suprised at what clubs there are. If you don't find anything you like, maybe you could make your own. I'm not sure who you would talk to about that one...some authority figure in college perhaps.

I hope you find your niche.
God bless!
- Collies R Us

"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
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Re: Antisocial Help - May 21st 2013, 03:13 AM

The main thing here is BE YOURSELF. If people don't like you for who you are, then screw them. You will find friends. Even if it's only one. I have very few people in my life I can stand to be around (literally like 2) because most people are just unappreciative, inconsiderate, or rude. If you did nothing for people to "gravitate away from you", then feel good about yourself, and not bad because you can't make certain friends, or keep their attention. I mean, you obviously made 1 friend in your life, and I know that she's your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you won't find more friends in college.
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Re: Antisocial Help - May 21st 2013, 10:19 PM

Hey there!

I know how you feel. I feel lonely and depressed without others and that scares me. But you've still got college, which is a lot of time to make friends there. There might be different people there, appreciative people.
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Re: Antisocial Help - May 21st 2013, 10:19 PM

Hey there!

I know how you feel. I feel lonely and depressed without others and that scares me. But you've still got college, which is a lot of time to make friends there. There might be different people there, appreciative people. Maybe it'd help you stop being as Antisocial if you got a therapist, or a psychiatrist to talk to?
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Re: Antisocial Help - May 23rd 2013, 02:56 PM

Wow, I'm in almost the exact same boat as you, just a little further down the line in life. I've been using my husband as a clutch for the last 8 years. He was pretty much the only real friend I had back in high school (the rest of my 'friends' kind of totally cut ties with me as if we were never friends to begin with...I guess I wasn't ever the person they liked to hang out with anyway. I was just the person who was there to listen to them.) and I ended up falling in love and marrying him right before we graduated. He is everything to me, and I am happiest when I am with him. But when he hurts, I can't explain it, but it's like I just don't want to listen. I have to actually make myself sit and try to listen and care even though the little voice in my head says "You don't care. You know you don't, so stop lying to yourself and pretending to be the kind, caring person you want to be. Because you're not."
I try to be as best a person as I can; I do not lie, cheat or steal, I am loyal, I do not interrupt people, (although, like you said, for some reason people ALWAYS interrupt me and NEVER listen to anything I have to say. Especially my mother.) and I try to look people in the eye when they're talking so they know I'm listening.
But I've become a very fragile, reclusive person these last few years. I used to be able to talk to people, now I can't. I studder a lot and don't make much sense when I wish to speak. It's frustrating to no end, and it seems to just give people reason to interrupt/ignore me further. I'm terrified of driving and talking on the phone. I have no interest in making new friends. I just don't care about much of anything anymore.

What's worse is the fact that we just had our first baby a year ago and it seems this lack of empathy I have toward others influences how I feel/not feel about her as well. It makes me feel like a horrid mother and I'm afraid she's going to end up just like me one day since my own mother was rather detached from me when growing up and now I seem to be doing the same to my daughter. It's a terrible, miserable existence I have and I just want to end it since no matter what I try, I can't seem to care about anything anymore. What use is a useless person to the world who only cares about themselves?
Maybe if I'd gotten help back when I was still in high school, I might not be in this rut today.
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Re: Antisocial Help - May 23rd 2013, 06:30 PM

wow... can I ask if you are my long lost emotional twin? sorry, just going through a lot of the same things. I have asked people, is it ok that people dying or suffering doesn't bring tears to my eyes? Honestly, the internet is very helpful for me... easier to find people who will really open up and listen (well, read). I may be young but i have been through lots and I know what you mean about using people as a crutch to battle your depression... my boyfriend is mine as well... we are supposed to be social creatures so i say go out and even if you aren't with people, people watch and enjoy being surrounded by others of our species i doubt u r an asshole, people generally just don't understand what is different...

Happily in Love <3
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anti-social, antisocial, college stress, friendship, girl friend, lonely, sociopathy

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