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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
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i'm both happy and sad and still attempting to figure out how this is possible.... - September 10th 2013, 06:30 AM

i guess, i don't understand.
i feel apathetic.
i feel like i allow all of my relationships to be shallow, like we hang out and that's it.
i want to feel.
but i'm afraid to feel.
i'm afraid to trust anybody with my feelings.
i can't talk to anybody because i'm afraid of becoming dependent on people again.
but i also miss talking about how i feel with my friends.
they took care of me and loved me despite it.
but now that i'm better, i feel all alone.
like nobody wants to be around me.
and like i don't have anything worth saying.
sometimes i get bad, but i don't tell anybody.
and somedays i'm okay, i'm just lonely.
how do i open up with my friends?
how do i know it's okay?
:/


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Rivière Offline
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I can't get enough
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Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Wales, UK.

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Re: i'm both happy and sad and still attempting to figure out how this is possible.... - September 10th 2013, 04:45 PM

It's not so much that you're afraid to feel but you're afraid of getting hurt because you have so many times over in the past, you feel that it's better not to have feelings than to have them but at the same time, being unable to feel causes this huge distance and detachment from not only yourself but those around you.

When I grew up I went through a phase which I call, "Shutdown" Where because I'd been so hurt, taken advantage of, many things. The feelings of hurt all those things caused me made my mind shut itself off to avoid those feelings of pain and because of it although I wanted to understand people more, to feel actual good emotions, I couldn't because the trauma was so bad that my mind created a 'block' to prevent me from opening myself up again.

It's ok to depend on other people. Everyone does it and so everyone should. Allow yourself to depend on people, take a chance and talk to someone about how you feel and share your feelings with them. They may return over and over, they may not, but your feelings have been expressed and this is what is important. Allow yourself self-expression. Allow yourself to open up and become free. Give up the ties which hold you down and find the strength to move on forwards or you will be trapped in the loop of never being able to progress. You have the strength to get through it, believe that you can and then you will.


Life is for living, not for losing.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Kayla Christine.
Age: 26

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Re: i'm both happy and sad and still attempting to figure out how this is possible.... - September 11th 2013, 01:28 AM

I think know its hard to open up to your friends about how you feel, I have a hard time with it too. I think you should just try to talk to them, if you don't you will never know whats up.

Think about it this way, you will feel a lot better when you do.
I wish you all the best, and if you ever need someone, I am always around.
~Kayla.
   
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