Friend with Depression

[fandomqueen]

Hey, this is my first post on this website. I have a friend who has depression, and I text him almost every day. Sometimes, it's about random things that are pretty carefree and stupid. Other times, it's about how he really feels.

He feels as if everyone hates him and no one wants to be his friend. I think he has high expectations of friendship (he doesn't even think I am his friend) and he also has Aspergers syndrome, which may play a part in it. I talk to him in the class we share, and it's cool. He's an awesome person.

Some days (most days now) he comes into class sad and not looking like he wants to talk. About two of those he was crying. I do try to say hi and say some random things, because he has told me that he wants to talk, but he doesn't talk back to me. One word responses, or none at all. My friends have also been talking to him, and we've tried to help, but the rest of them gave up. I think because I have been trying the hardest, he doesn't think I hate him. He thinks the rest of my friends hate him. Along with this, he doesn't see other people who would like to be his friend. He has hurt himself and tried to commit suicide, but thank god he couldn't bring himself to.

On one hand, he tells me that I am a f***ing liar and that I am being hypocritical when I say I am his friend. Then he comes back around and says that he feels bad and that I mean so much to him. I don't know what he is feeling, and I don't think I will.

One more thing to add: I am in a different culture from him, and I am also a female. It is in my nature not to get too emotionally close to him, even though half of my class probably thinks we're dating. (somethings he says/does seem flirtatious, but they aren't)

Now, when he's happy, I know he probably is not actually happy. He fakes it, I can't change that, only he can. But the pressure of the situation still feels like it's on me. What should I do? I don't think either one of us can go on like this. I can't completely ditch him because I see him every day, but trying to be a therapist doesn't work either. I don't know what he wants, and I don't know what to do.

[Kate*]

Hello there and welcome to TH

I can understand wanting to be his friend and help him, but as I think you're realizing, it can easily become too much for one person. The best thing you can do for him is to talk to an adult about it. A school counselor if your school has one would be your best bet. A teacher would also be a good place to start. By doing this, you are not giving up on him, just realizing that it's become too much for you and getting him the help that you can't provide. In addition to this, continue to do what you've been doing in terms of interacting with him.

In terms of the possible depression and Aspergers syndrome the way he's responding to you is typical for someone with one or both conditions. Believing that no one is his friend, even you, is the way that the depression has distorted his thinking. He may have times where the depression is less powerful and he feels bad for the way he knows he reacted towards you. Either or both conditions could also be responsible for the one word responses you mention. Part of Aspergers Syndrome is not fully understanding the "give and take" of conversation. It may be that he wants to talk to you, but has a hard time actually doing so. Depression could also cause him to become more isolated and uncomfortable talking to people.

You don't have to be his therapist, but do your best to be his friend, you help and support him just by doing that.

Here's an article written by another user about living with Asperger's Syndrome: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f128-...gers-syndrome/

[fandomqueen]

Hello, and thanks so much for replying. My friends and I have gone to the counselor, and talked to them. He claimed that it made the situation worse, and that they don't help him. He has a therapist, and I am hoping that this will help his mindset turn around.