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Deriksnowy Offline
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I'm Tired - January 14th 2015, 10:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Four years ago, I started self harming. Nine months ago, I stopped. During the almost four years I was self harming, I tried killing myself many, many times. It was a dark time mostly due to a previous abusive relationship which sprouted several severe mental illnesses. One of these illnesses is paranoid personality disorder (PPD). Without going into detail, I'm super paranoid about tiny little things.
Now, back to the abusive relationship. I only got out of it because my parents found out that we were having sexual activities and that he manipulated me into it. My parents screamed at me every day for 4 months and I was cut off from all forms of communication from my friends as well. They made me feel like I was disgusting and that I should be horrible punished for what I did, even though it wasn't my choice. I am significantly older now, and have learned a lot through relationships I've had over 4 years, but haven't had another serious one until recently.

And he's perfect. I adore every aspect of him. We have been dating for a long, long time now and has been a huge influence on my recovery process. We have also been more intimate lately, and recently, we've drabbled on oral sex. After one night of him having his fingers in me, I noticed a brown discharge coming out and it's been happening for three days now. If I tell my parents, they will repeat what happened 4 years ago and hurt me so much more than they did back then.
I'm not sure what to do at this point if the discharge does not stop. I've been on the verge of suicide lately because of all the stress due to this situation and the ventures of my personal life. If it gets to the point where I have to tell my parents, there's a good chance that I will try and do something to myself.
Long story short, I'm scared of losing the best thing to ever happen to me, and my parents being the cause of this. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and alone.
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Treble Offline
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Re: I'm Tired - January 17th 2015, 07:35 PM

ok, sounds like you have a lot going on. I'm only 15 and I don't really have a clue what I'm talking about, but I want to try and help none the less. The only advice that I can really give is to go to the doctors, i don't what age you are, but even if you're under 18 or 16 or whatever your parents don't have to find out. Maybe go with your boyfriend, and also tell the doctor about how you're feeling, maybe talk to your boyfriend about it aswell.. The doctor will only have to tell your parents if your life I in danger.

Good luck and feel free to message me
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Re: I'm Tired - January 22nd 2015, 07:04 PM

Most likely, the discharge is nothing. It may have something to due with your period, such as spotting before or after it, or it could be a bit of bleeding caused by vaginal stimulation (tearing) mixed with other secretions. However, there is a slight chance it can be serious, such as the sign of an infection. Have you ever been tested for STIs, such as after the abusive you experienced? How old are you? Is there any way you can contact a medical professional about it without talking to your parents? In all likelihood, I would say the discharge doesn't sound worrisome, and that it's not something you need to get your parents involved in unless it continues for a long period of time (such as a full week) without being followed by a period.

I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
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abuse, fear, help me, intimacy, recovery, self harm, sex, suicide, tired

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