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L4Y Offline
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"Better Off?" - April 16th 2015, 07:27 AM

Suicide and depression are two topics that have been intertwined with my life for more years than I care to remember. From time to time, I may get a sudden urge to post a thought on one or both of those subjects.

This is a post from another forum that I wrote several months ago. I thought I'd put it up here, as it is something I feel is worth consideration:

I have noticed a relatively common theme among suicidal people is the belief that the people around them – and the world in general – would be “better off” without them. They often express remorse and inner turmoil for the pain they have caused others.

It’s strange – even during my own darkest moments, I never believed anyone would actually be “better off” without me. No better or worse? Absolutely (truthfully, that is where much of my pain derived from – the fact that it didn’t seem to matter whether or not I existed). But not better.

The way I see it, if you recognize the fact that you are causing others pain (or at least believe you are) and it bothers you, you can’t be all that bad of a person. Bad people don’t care about the anguish they inflict on other human beings.

There is something there – some decency, some conscience and perhaps some hope to go along with those things – that can be built upon.

Just a few thoughts.

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Re: "Better Off?" - April 17th 2015, 03:22 AM

I've been in this situation myself before, I thought that everyone would be better without me because I've caused them so much pain and grief at times. Then I realized though that I'd just be causing them more pain by doing so. I've also seen two of my aunts lose their sons because they thought they'd be better off without them, and really all it did was tear the family apart. I will say this if anyone ever thinks they're better off dead, I can testify that you aren't we all care about you here at teenhelp, no matter who you're YOU MATTER.

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Re: "Better Off?" - April 17th 2015, 09:21 AM

Look, it's a very interesting part of the whole vast array of trains of thought that suicidal people can go through and it can be very difficult to explain. I commend you for thinking about it so well and it is a very refreshing standpoint. That bad people simply don't care if they have caused harm to other people, if you're hurting, it means you care about the perceived hurt, and that's fundamentally human.

Regardless, I like to think about this way. Now say there's a girl, who believes the world would be better off without her. What about future generations? That girl is going to have a child and that child goes to Medical School, where in an experiment, he accidentally finds a way to treat a landmark disease.

What about the people who have heard the person's story? A troubled girl will see a thread about a young man who has trouble believing that he adds value to the world. She then remembers that she is not alone is the dramas facing her and she, in this fantastic revelation, puts the blades away one night.

She then posts about her own struggles, buoyed by the bravery of the man she heard from earlier, on a particular online mental health support service. A few months later she decides it's her mission to help people facing the same feelings she copped earlier in life. She becomes a volunteer crisis support worker and saves lives for a living.

And what about the parents of the person involved? They have two beautiful daughters, one of whom decided one day that she couldn't take it anymore and committed suicide seconds from her fifteenth birthday. Afterwards, they decide that every day they would remind themselves to look at their other daughter and work restlessly to never give her the same fate her sister found.

I am talking about the stories of the direct and indirect ramifications of the end of a life, for the people who are affected by that decision. Some, the poster doesn't know yet, some don't exist yet and some people who are affected by the decision were right there the whole time.

Next time someone tells you that life would better without them, ask them about the effects of any suicide, for future generations, strangers who hear about the suicide and the people who stand right with them.

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Re: "Better Off?" - April 17th 2015, 11:08 AM

Thoughtful post, SS - thanks for the insight
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Re: "Better Off?" - April 18th 2015, 05:01 AM

I think that 's a profound thought, and that you are someone who's considerate .. and you're most probably a blessing to the people around you. Be proud of that

And if you ever need to rant to someone, i'll have you know that i too am always around to support you. I will never judge you for anything... nor will i ever want to.

Think positively and smile that's how i think the world will reward us.

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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Re: "Better Off?" - April 18th 2015, 05:36 AM

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words
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Re: "Better Off?" - April 18th 2015, 03:32 PM

The way I see it, when someone says "They would be better off without me" In nearly all cases, suicides hurt those around the person so so much more than what the suicidal person perceived they were doing to hurt in the first place! I thought about suicide alot between the ages of 11 and 19, but never did I think that I would not be missed by atleast one person out there I knew, and never did I think that everyone would be better off without me.

Here's a tip. If you think you are hurting those around you, try and think of the reasons you think so, How are you hurting them? Try and think about it logically untainted by too much emotion. If there is a legitimate hurt you are causing that's not just believed through self loathing, Work to fix it! You'll feel alot better when you fix what's wrong, or know without a doubt you aren't really causing pain as oppose to suicide. Every now and then you'll slip back into the slump, but try and remember to either fix, or realize your fears are illusion.
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