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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lumberjack Offline
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Feeling like I'm not progressing as a person. - April 18th 2015, 09:00 AM

Basically as the title says. I was depressed for years and thought of suicide every so often for various reasons. My family in general has varying levels of anxiety.

Right out of high school I went to college blindly thinking "oh ya, I like video games, I'll program them!" ya...programming was NOT my thing at all so I dropped out. After that I felt the personal and parental/family push of always asking "What're you doing with your life?" "Everyone's else at X point in their life, what's wrong with you, why aren't you at that point yet?!" so I went to college somewhat blindly again because I honestly was still trying to just find myself but I couldn't really progress being depressed all the time, feeling like I'm doing nothing to advance myself in life. This program in college didn't work out because I was still super anxious. Just writing this sounds ridiculous and my parents try being supportive of "sometimes you have to just try a few things before settling on what you really want to do" but at the same time they then say "you have to apply asap to go to college again, you want to don't you?!" When I say I'm not sure what I want to do they start interrogating me a ton.

Like the last few years the most I've accomplished was to be supportive of my gf of 3 years that ended up cheating on me so I ended it, I finally dealt with the bs of me being anxious about getting my driver's license and I now have my own awesome car that I adore and I actually drive around often as a stress reliever. I pay for almost all of my own stuff now but I am still living at home. I just feel like by now (I'm 21) I should be 1. moved out. 2. self-sufficient in ALL ways (look back at #1.) 3. Have some sort of small group of "adult" friends (I haven't made any new friends since like...grade 10? Just reconnected with a few old ones and that's about it). I get depressed on a daily basis as a lot of the stuff I really enjoy would be way better with friends but I don't even know what to do about it. I've been learning to play guitar and I'd love to jam with some people, I've been buying a few board games but I can't even explain how depressing it is to have to play with my parents at 21 years old..it's just sad imo. I used to love playing video games but most games that come out I look at and I get all excited but then remember that they just aren't fun to play alone and most of my old high school friends have moved on to other things.

Lately I've been saving a lot of money but when I get depressed I just want to buy something even if it's something small as it temporarily helps me out of a rut but then I end up feeling worse. It's more the act of researching what I want and then driving (love driving it's driving+loud music+fresh air) to go get it and then take it home to enjoy it/galk at it, etc.

I just feel like I was on the conveyor belt, constantly moving forward but right when I hit college I haven't done anything with myself..It's just super depressing that a year can become 2 can become 3 - I just don't see the end of the road where I move out, have myself all sorted and am what I consider an "adult."

I am in therapy weekly but I feel bad that my parents are paying for it and they ask all the time "Are you sure you still want to go?" or like..."How have you been progressing..do you still need it?" it's just a shitty feeling all together and makes my progress go back almost immediately.

Anyway sorry for the long post, I just wanted to vent and see if anyone had something to add or say, everything's appreciated, thanks!
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Feeling like I'm not progressing as a person. - April 18th 2015, 10:07 AM

Other than the fact that you're 21 and I am twenty, I have basically read my own story and that is absolutely crazy. Obviously it is a bit different. For example, it is cultural that people live with their parents until they get married and have a means to buy their own house.

Regardless, when I got help for my dramas and self worth, people have told me not to compare myself to others and they are 100% right. What's to say that someone who at the moment, is doing well at University and maintaining a good job, can't get demoted, excluded and single within two years and who's to say you can't switch roles with that person?

I recommend you take stock of the things you do have. You have a job, you have a pair of caring parents and you have someone to play board games with. I am not even reading the post, those are the things I can remember off the top of my head. There are probably more.

Moving out of home is not what it is cracked up to be and it's important to realise how important your time with your parents is. Bravo to your parents for catering for you and taking the effort to do that. You are so lucky compared to other people your age and I don't mean kids in Africa or some shit. I am not going down that vein because that's an obvious example. I will give you an example.

A couple of months ago, I became an uncle and when visiting my sister in hospital one day, I thought about the other stories of the ward. I thought of the story of the girl who in a fit of rage, ran away from her parents. Guilty and in the revelation that she had no one to turn to, she contacted her parents and asked for help.

They refused, angry that she ran away and knowing that considering she had treated them so poorly throughout the past couple of years through her own stress, she probably didn't want to come back anyways. She was found wandering the streets the next day and was picked up by someone who used to go to school with her once, and he took her in.

About a week later, she was drinking with this friend one night, and under distortion of alcohol and overwhelming amounts of emotion, they talked. She eventually realised the gravity of what this schoolmate had done for her, and she connected with him. It led to sex.

After hearing about the encounter, the boy's mother kicked her out and she finally, after a few days, found somewhere more permanent, a public shelter for homeless people. It was there that she discovered, the encounter that had gotten her homeless had also meant a child was on the way.

The exact details of the scenario were just made up then, but wandering the hospital after visiting my sister, who had abundant information, and parental support and assistance behind her, I found myself grieving for the girl who didn't. She was certainly real. I can only imagine the tragedy that tinges the euphoria of the maternity ward.

Seriously, mate, you have got it good, and there is seriously nothing to say that you can't have it even better in the future.

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Re: Feeling like I'm not progressing as a person. - April 18th 2015, 08:26 PM

Hey there, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I was going to suggest seeking help so I'm glad you already have. If it makes you feel any better my parents were the same way about paying for it. I have anxiety and depression too and I don't know if they really didn't think it was worth it for me, if they didn't want to pay, or if they didn't want a daughter who needed therapy (even though I was going to be a counselor and it's encouraged). If you have a job and are at least mostly supporting yourself, there's no need to rush into something, especially if you aren't sure what you want to do and have already dropped out twice.

I got almost all the way through the required masters degree for the career I wanted before the program decided it was a "poor fit" and forced me out. Now I'm not sure what I want to do instead and I'm unemployed because I spent years on degrees without working, and in debt, most of which came from a degree I can never finish for the career I will never have. College doesn't necessarily solve everything and it isn't for everybody. Work with your professional to figure out what you really want before and if you decide to go back or what you can do if you don't want to.

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Re: Feeling like I'm not progressing as a person. - April 18th 2015, 10:00 PM

I think it might actually be a relatable thing you're going for. I can also see myself in your life, not in your situation but in your feeling of things not feeling like they're moving forward, like you're not getting anywhere. You're still young, remember that, and it's up to you what you do with your life. Maybe life doesn't have to be a conveyor belt, maybe it's more of a broken conveyor belt that stops and starts...if that makes sense? xD Like, sometimes it will feel like it's on pause and other times it will feel like everything is happening at once. Maybe it'll pass, who knows, I'm not old and wise enough to tell you. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone <3

Take as long as you need.
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Re: Feeling like I'm not progressing as a person. - April 19th 2015, 01:44 AM

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I'm just going through a bit of a rough patch but it's very stressful having parents still have their fingers in my honeypot aha. I've saved quite a bit of money over the last year or so and whenever I decide to buy ANYTHING they ask me how much it was, if I really need it etc etc. It's very infuriating as I've never done anything to warrant them being worried about my finances.

Does anyone else go through this and how do you deal with it? My therapist says to just be confident and say for my parents to just not worry about it but I always feel cold and distant when I say that to them?
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Re: Feeling like I'm not progressing as a person. - April 19th 2015, 07:18 AM

I'm sorry you are feeling as if you are in such a rut. It can be depressing to think that you have hit a wall and are not progressing in life, but as has already been said, it sounds as if you have a lot going for you, including a supportive family. You also appear to be a very sensible individual based on what you said about being financially responsible.

The fact that you haven't yet discovered what your "calling" is in life certainly does not make you a failure. I myself have gone through several career field considerations over the years and sometimes we make errors in judgment in regard to what we wish to do with our lives.

There is no shame in still living at home at 21 - plenty of people remain living with their parents until their early-twenties or longer. However, if you are in a position to move out on your own and feel it will help with your self-esteem, it may be an option worth exploring.

There is also nothing wrong with keeping the same circle of friends for a long time. Actually, it's quite nice to have such long-term relationships. However, if you feel the need to meet some new people, joining a league or club of some kind in your community could be something to consider.

In any case, I wish you well and hope everything works out.
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