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Exclamation Better But Worse? - April 25th 2015, 02:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been through a lot in my life. Things are finally starting to make a change for the best. I keep on hearing things like "that's great" or "keep up the good work" but I feel lost. I've rarely heard the words "I'm proud of you" or any of these other things until now. It's starting to get uncomfortable hearing all this praise and appreciation. I still feel down somehow when things are good. I'm so confused. Like I'm going to get a job and I'm hoping they call back but at the same time I hope they don't so if I don't die taking a bunch of pills I still don't have to worry. I feel like I'm on a bridge; on one side there is a sidewalk to safety such as when I will get a job, finish college, ETC... then on the other side of the ledge is a deep body of water with a tremendous fall to my death. What is going on?

~ Always look to the brighter side of life just as a sunflower looks to the sun and not the dark clouds! ~
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Re: Better But Worse? - April 25th 2015, 05:48 AM

Sometimes it's odd hearing people praise you for getting though things like this when you've never heard it before. I remember the first time I was in a support group for suicide prevention and SH recovery. It was the first time in my life that I had ever had anyone physically hug me and tell me that they are amazed by strength to get though the rough times in my life, rather than tell me I should just suck it up and get over it.

The praise is a GOOD thing, even if it's new. We only fear what we don't understand. That goes for anything. Getting a job, graduating, moving out, ect. Even though things are getting better it can be odd to feel a bit of relief. I've not SH'd in awhile, and it's still odd for me to look at my arms and see long healed scars and not fresh ones, but I know that I deserve to have beautifully healed skin. Same goes for you.

You DESERVE to feel proud of yourself for overcoming the obstacles in your life. You deserve to move forward and to gain strength from others around you, and to make better choices that the ones you've made in the past. You aren't alone in this world. There are others out there who share stories similar to yours, and you can gain strength and confidence in them. Know that even though this new chapter in your life is beginning, that you will become a better person for this. No one knows what's going to happen in the future. The only thing we can do and hold on and hope for the best.

Just know that you are going to be perfectly okay, and that you will make it. You have others to lean on when you are unsure, and we can all make this journey together.

I AM proud of you for still being here to this day. It takes courage and strength to be able to stand up after such a rough time. I'm always here if you need anything. Just let me know, and know for yourself that it's okay to be afraid.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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