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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Breaking Point Offline
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Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 01:14 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm so scared I don't know what to do.
I feel so alone.
I know for a fact that everyone in my life hates me, and knows how annoying and clingy I am.
Everybody I love is ignoring me.
All of my really close friends are drifting from me and don't want to hang around me any more. They all went out together without even acknowledging me. They even TOLD me that they were all going together. They KNOW I know that they're purposely not inviting me.
I don't know what to do.
My mind is a horrible place.
I'm so stressed about everything.
I can't even talk to people without having panic attacks or horrible anxiety.
I am not good at anything.
I have no skills at all.
My family hates me.
But what if I could disappear?
Not be a burden?
Gone....
Everything is prepared.
There's a date set.
Life is not for me.
I don't want to live any more.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Hidden11 Offline
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 01:42 AM

Listen, I'm going through a very similar situation, and have before. But it always passes. If you take yourself out of the world now, all you're doing is making sure things never get better for you. what makes you think your friends and family hate you exactly? You have to find a way to change your outlook on things, the more you think about your worries, the more you feed them. Get out and about!

If you ever need a talk in more detail on your issues, im here for you. Send a message any time
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 01:53 AM

Thank you for the reply <3

I know they hate me... My mum found out about my cutting but didn't say anything or do anything, and even though I beg my dad not to and have gotten him professional help 3 times and institutionalized him he still continues to drink until he can't control himself. He's even got a tattoo to remind him not to, yet he still does. He doesn't give a fuck about me, and hates me because I keep telling him he needs help. My friends obviously hate me, as they now won't respond to my texts and go everywhere without me.
I'm so tired of being invited and forgotten all the time. It's so pointless to continue when nobody even remembers my name half the time, and EVERYBODY forgot my birthday. Not. One. Person. Remembered. Usually I don't care about my birthday as it's just a day to me, but seeing them put so much effort and love into making others feel special on their birthdays just makes me feel so left out and unloved. I'm just here for nothing. I'm a pointless human being. Only another one in 7 billion, except I have no value. I can't even get out and about or take up any hobbies because I have no money, and my exercise limits are restricted due to breathing difficulties and heart problems. It just sucks not having a purpose. I'm just in pain constantly and a pain to others.

Last edited by Breaking Point; May 3rd 2015 at 02:09 AM.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 02:28 AM

Anytime friend <3

Your mom probably doesn't know how to react to it, doesn't mean she doesn't love you. And My father drinks all the time, he never took me out of the house, never really helped me with anything. It didn't mean he didn't love me, just he had his own deep personal issues he was losing the fight with. I'm sure your parents love you, Just (your father especially) have issues they don't know how to deal with. On the friends, I know how you feel! I had a horrible day today, and no one messaged me either. Only one person texted me back, that was a friend I recently saw removed me on skype, so I asked "Did you remove me?" He just says "Yeah" and after I asked why, no reply. Point is, I know how you feel. But I also know it doesn't last forever, things do get better, life is ups and downs, you have to appreciate the ups, and learn from the downs. In the end, everything that you go through only makes you that much of a stronger person! Right now im struggling too, and its so hard to see any light for sure! But just thinking about killing yourself, or that it won't get better, that darkens things so so much more.

From the sounds of it, you need some new friends! (And I need a few as well) ones that like you for you. As you said, 7 billion people, and you think not a single one of them would like you? That's impossible. Don't call yourself pointless either, no one is pointless, we all have the ability to as we please, touch eachothers lives and help shape the world! Just takes positive thinking and action.. How old are you by the way?
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 01:40 PM

Trust me; I knie for a fact that they don't love me, given that they have said it to my face AND behind my back. And out of over 7 billion people, I know that not one of them will like me. I'm such an unlikeable person, and I cannot talk to people properly due to anxiety. And I AM pointless. Worthless. Nothing. I cannot do anything for this earth therefore I deserve to die. Life is for those who want to live, but what happens if I don't want to live? Well, it's my choice, and I choose death. Nothingness. A nothing in a nothing world makes sense. Death makes sense. Life is not for me; me and life do not suit each other and I want out. I'm calling it quits. GONE. (And although I won't say my precise age, I'm above 17 and below 25).
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 05:29 PM

Hay you will be ok I'm going through a bad spot myself right now and I know what its like to have the people you think care walk away from you all that means is that that aren't worth your I said YOUR time there are people that will like you and skills you billed them and your Yung so you have time to billed them like me I'm billing a skill tree for being an engineer I don't just have them I have to work on them I know it can be hard to fined true friends over all my life I have only found two and have found friends and support here that has helped me more times than I can count

I'm not really one for saying all the stuff like time helps and all because there a lot of the time I don't believe it myself but I do know that ending it can and will hurt more people than you know

PM me any time if you need to talk ill try to reply as fast as I can and many of the people here will to we all have been through hurt and we are all here to help etch other we are3 all friends here
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 3rd 2015, 08:56 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling ignored and unloved. I know both of these feelings myself and am well aware they are not at all nice.

As was already suggested, perhaps it's time to look into finding some new friends. I realize getting out and meeting people is often not easy, but you could try to find a club or league in your community tailored toward one of your interests. This could help you find some like-minded people. I know you said you don't have a lot of money, but there are hobbies out there that don't require much.

I'm not quite sure what to say about your family situation. Family strife is terribly upsetting and I'm sorry your dad's battle with alcohol is affecting you this way. But try to remember that such an addiction is not easily overcome and I do hope he decides to put more effort into not drinking very soon.

I wish you the best and whatever you do, please do not attempt anything extreme. Take care.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 4th 2015, 01:24 AM

Thank you all for your suggestions.
I'm sorry, I literally just CANNOT talk to people at all. A club would kill me. I just feel horribly uncomfortable around any people now, really. My friends were the only people I could feel close to and not feel AS uncomfortable around. I could talk to them most of the time, and they would usually listen. Now, I just don't know anymore. I just feel so completely hopeless and alone.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 4th 2015, 04:39 AM

Hey dear,

I'm sorry you are going through a tough spot in your life right now but I promise you will make it to the good ones. I know, I struggle a lot with a lot of things you do. Its really hard to see the light when you are surrounded by so much darkness and trouble. I'm sure your family really does love you. If you killed yourself, I'm sure they would be upset which proves that they really do love you.

I get the whole friend thing. My friends don't talk to me much except for when they go to my parents church when I'm there. I don't get out much and that's something I need to work on too. We can do this together. We will make it through.

Please please message me if you are still feeling like there's no way out but suicide. I know how you feel and I'm always going to be there for you no matter what. We can always be friends. I'll help you through this and we both will come out of this smiling. I promise you.

If you feel like no one loves you or is there remember, I care for you and love you.

Hang in there.



Xx, Amanda


'I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore...'
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 4th 2015, 03:32 PM

Thank you, so much.
I jsyt constantly feel so ignored and unloved and unimportant. It's like I'm the background character in my own life. But I'm thinking, would it really take so much as for me to kill myself for them to think they love me? They don't... I know they don't and I know I'm a burden to them.
I would love to be friends, but I know that you wouldn't like me. My personality is horrible and I'm a depressing and antisocial little shit who is into a lot of fucked up stuff. (Nothing illegal or anything. Nothing THAT bad, but not too nice all the same.)
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 4th 2015, 10:51 PM

Hey,

I don't care what your personalty is like. Hell, I have one of the worst personalities. I tend to be very bipolar and shut down or ignore people but i know if you at least try to find new friends or have a good healthy friendship that you will benefit from it. I promise you, if we become good friends I will never leave you. Even when I'm bipolar sometimes, I'll still be around. I accept you for who you are and care for you as an individual.

Even if you dont want to have a close friendship, I will always be around on this site if you ever need me.

~Amanda


'I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore...'
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 5th 2015, 05:18 AM

Tell yourself you can make for one more second, one more minute, one more day, whatever you can handle. When that minute is over, tell yourself you can get through one more.

Message me, and I'll stick by you. You're not worthless. I'm just one in 7billion as well, but together we make two.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 5th 2015, 11:29 PM

But... I'm just not sure I can make it for one more second, minute or day. It's just a guessing game; a bomb waiting to blow up. I know it's inevitable but I just don't know when...

I'm so sorry to everyone who takes the time to reply. I'm not being very much help to myself,and I'm not sure there is that much anyone can do, but thank you all. I'm just trying to cling to something that's not there and trying to find that little reason to go on, but I don't know where or how...

I tried giving up today. It didn't work. And I don't know what stopped me, but I know it won't be able to keep me from it much longer...
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 7th 2015, 12:23 AM

I'm sorry you are still struggling. One of your lines really stuck out to me - about being a background character in your own life. That was so well-put and I can very much relate to it.

I also know what you mean about being into a lot of non-illegal "fucked up shit" that many people don't like or understand - so am I. But I've come to realize that just because people don't understand it, that doesn't make it bad. Society as a whole is largely very closed-minded. Perhaps you feel so alone because the people around you simply don't understand you to a large degree, which can often be the case.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 8th 2015, 08:13 PM

Thank you everyone who has replied on this thread and my other threads; thank you for being there for me when I needed it. [Edited]

Last edited by Laurasaurus; May 10th 2015 at 10:42 PM. Reason: Removing suicide note.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 8th 2015, 10:15 PM

Please don't do anything extreme - many things can happen in life. You can meet new people, find new surroundings, etc. You don't have to stay in what you feel is a rut forever.
   
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Re: Please help me. I'm sorry. - May 8th 2015, 11:59 PM

Please do not do anything. Remember everyone on here is here for you

If you ever need to talk PM/VM me it gets better
   
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