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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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The light at the end of the tunnel - May 21st 2015, 01:06 AM

I just feel like I am walking my life in a tunnel, and sure everyone says "Oh, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel." Of course, there is. It just keeps moving further and further away.

See, I went on a youth retreat this past weekend, I thought it would be good for me, and that I could focus on the joys of the weekend and spend some time with my fellow youth and just have a good time. Well, I was wrong. Around 11 a.m of the second day of being there, my depression came back, and I just felt so horrible. I decided to eat lunch and felt a bit better.

Then later on in the evening we had youth group time, and I just went numb. Just emotionally numb, it started when K told the youth she had a new bf and was having trust issues. I guess that just set me off. She and I dated on and off for two years, maybe three...can't remember now. I just know last time I was at the youth retreat me and her got back together, so that was on my mind the whole week, and I couldn't handle it.

From that day up until Monday evening when I got home I just felt horribly numb and just couldn't bring myself out of it.

On the 8-hour bus ride home, I fell asleep, but was woken by my thoughts, and found myself just depressed, so I spent the last 2 hours in silence staring out the window wishing I were dead.

And about an hour ago I tried to kill myself, but decided it wasn't worth it, but now I'm scared I may try again.
   
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Re: The light at the end of the tunnel - May 21st 2015, 04:25 AM

There's this concept in gambling known as intermittent reinforcement, meaning that someone is still likely to attempt an action even knowing that they might only get a positive response rate of say, thirty to fifty percent. In more basic terms, some people continue to live, even though life might be terrible, in the knowledge that they will get some sugar for all of their hard work. I am seeing some remnants of intermittent reinforcement in your case and that's always good to see. What it means is that you have acknowledged that there will be a positive response for your endurance and hard work and it also means that this is fixable, that you haven't always been depressed. It's hope. As far as how to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, I honestly have no idea. I recommend you continue your counselling treatment, if you have invested in it, and also make regular consultations, and be open with your doctor. That openness is fundamentally what (s)he needs to be able to help tailor and improve your treatment plan.

That trigger was kind of natural, I mean I think most people that have revisited somewhere awesome to them and then gotten a reminder of their current situation would feel triggered and dissolutioned. I mean it's not great but if nothing else, it means you're no weaker than any one of us.


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Re: The light at the end of the tunnel - May 26th 2015, 12:45 PM

Hi thanks for posting!

Im really sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I would suggest you go and see your local GP and explain to the how you are feeling. You shouldn't have to deal with this you're an amazing person and you deserve to be happy. Speaking to someone can be hard but they may be able to help you combat the way you are feeling so you don't have to be stuck in this hole. Do you have a friend you could talk to or a family member venting your frustration may be a really good way of coping I know it helps me. Have you got methods to lift your spirits if you're feeling down I use a couple of methods I often listen to music it helps take my mind of whats troubling me. I feel having a coping method a way of lifting yourself in the downiest of times is really helpful I know it's hard but you can do it. Don't hurt yourself you're so much better then that. I would advise you to ring a hotline if you ever feel even the slightest suicide because you deserve to be here you deserve to be happy because you're amazing. Below I will post a link to where you can find a list of hotline numbers. http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/

You're so much better then this if you eve need to talk feel free to message me i'd be happy to help.

Take care ~Justin~
   
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May 27th 2015, 05:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bringmethehorizon♥ View Post
Hi thanks for posting!

Im really sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I would suggest you go and see your local GP and explain to the how you are feeling. You shouldn't have to deal with this you're an amazing person and you deserve to be happy. Speaking to someone can be hard but they may be able to help you combat the way you are feeling so you don't have to be stuck in this hole. Do you have a friend you could talk to or a family member venting your frustration may be a really good way of coping I know it helps me. Have you got methods to lift your spirits if you're feeling down I use a couple of methods I often listen to music it helps take my mind of whats troubling me. I feel having a coping method a way of lifting yourself in the downiest of times is really helpful I know it's hard but you can do it. Don't hurt yourself you're so much better then that. I would advise you to ring a hotline if you ever feel even the slightest suicide because you deserve to be here you deserve to be happy because you're amazing. Below I will post a link to where you can find a list of hotline numbers. http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/

You're so much better then this if you eve need to talk feel free to message me i'd be happy to help.

Take care ~Justin~
Thanks for the advice, as for talking to my GP, well i dont really have one. I have a doctor, but I dont go to him as the last time I saw him he didnt diagnose me. Just blew me off.
I have friends i am able to talk to yeah. I did have a youth group that I went to for support, but the past few times have really triggered my depression and i just cant deal with a few people there.

My coping methods are writing and music. Im currenty writing about my last relationship, its helping me to get my feelings out and its helping me get over her. Well i am over her, its just i trusted her and was able to let ny gaurd down around her, and now that shes gone i just want to be friends again with her.

Ive also begun talking to the samaritans, theyre a help line located in the u.k. And they are helping me cope with everything.
   
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