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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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So down - June 1st 2015, 01:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I had a miscarriage going on two months soon. I miss Hope so much. I am crying all the time. My soon to be husband is just telling me to get over it. I am getting to talk to someone but only once a weeks and it doesnt seem to be helping. Im staying down like crazy, and nothing can seem to make me happy .
   
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Re: So down - June 1st 2015, 01:22 AM

Hi Amanda,
I know how you are feeling and I will be there for you. Even though sometimes my wifi has seemed to not enjoy letting me talk to others I am here for you just PM/VM me. Or you can try the help link maybe.
   
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Re: So down - June 1st 2015, 03:24 AM

I am so sorry about your loss and I want you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know how you feel but I can love on you and offer you an ear to listen, if you need it.

Feel free to PM/VM me at any time.

- renai


it's just a spark, but it's enough to keep me going. and when it's dark out, no one's around, it keeps glowing.

the truth hurts but it hasn't stung enough to stop me.

see, you're just wasted and thinking 'bout the past again, darling, you'll be okay.

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. - song of songs 4:7
   
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Re: So down - June 1st 2015, 10:21 AM

Losing a baby is a big thing. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now and I am so so sorry that you have had to go through this. Know that it's okay to be feeling the way you are feeling and that it's normal to feel low, lost, scared, sad and all these other feelings you are feeling. You were carrying a baby that you became attached too and its okay for you to come here and ask for some support with that.

I think its great that you are seeing someone weekly and I hope those sessions are helping you as much as they can do, even if they are only once a week. Do you feel able to talk to this person and be honest with them? Do you express how you feel and talk about what you're thinking? Because it's important you do so to get some of this of your chest, you know? And don't forget that we're always here for you too. You're never alone in this and we'll always do our best to support you as best as we can do.

This is going to take time. Time can be a healer but it is going to take it. And hard work from your side too, to get better again. But things will look up at some point and you won't always feel this low and sad. Grieving is a process. It takes time and it's only been two months. When I lost one of my best friends it took months for me to even get up by afternoon and I am still grieving now. You go through sadness, anger, wanting to blame it on someone and lots of other things too. Its okay to feel how you feel, okay? Just know it won't last forever.

I hope this helps. Keep fighting and talk to people around you. You're not alone.
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: So down - June 2nd 2015, 01:19 AM

I am very sorry for your loss. Your fiance may be denying his own pain to himself and closing himself off as a way to cope, as people sometimes deal with tragedy in this way.

If your current counseling is not helping, perhaps you could try another therapist or attempt to increase your sessions. I wish you well, and again, my condolences.
   
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Re: So down - June 2nd 2015, 01:53 AM

Hi there, Amanda!

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot say I understand how you feel as I have never been in your situation, but I can try to imagine how this must feel for you. Losing your baby is a big deal and you're allowed to have your feelings about it, along with expressing them so I'm sorry that your fiance is telling you to get over it. I can see how that would hurt as well. While it's hurtful, this may be your fiance's way of dealing with it to shield himself from the pain of the situation. Perhaps you could sit down and talk to him about it, and ask him why he's acting this way towards the situation? If you two could talk about it together and open up about the loss of the baby with each other then I think it may really help the healing process. But everyone grieves in different ways, it depends on the person.

I'm glad that you're currently seeing someone. Is there a way that you could increase the amount of sessions? If it isn't helping, is there another therapist in your area that you could see that specializes in grieving? Do you think you and your fiance would be open to couple's counselling that focuses on this subject? If you're interested then perhaps you could ask him if he'd be willing so that neither of you have to go through this alone. Aside from your fiance, is there anyone else in your life that you can seek support from? Such as your parents, other family members and friends maybe? Having someone to open up to could help you a lot.

Finding ways to express your feelings and thoughts may be a good idea. Maybe you could find an outlet by writing poetry, or keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings in? You could also write a blog here on TeenHelp if you want! Many people find blogging to be a helpful outlet. Other than that, how about finding some fun distracting hobbies to do in your spare time? Such as crafts, gaming, reading etc.

With time, I do believe it will become easier for you. Just remember that you aren't alone, and even though your baby didn't make it, she still lives on in your heart and memory, you know? She knows you won't ever forget about her, and that you love her. Hope is a beautiful name, and let her be a reminder that hope is always there. Even if you can't see it. In the meantime, I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

You're welcome to continue writing here, you deserve to be able to talk about this. You can also message me anytime. I can't promise I'll be able to help advice-wise, but I certainly don't mind listening and trying my best to help. Keep in mind that you can do this, healing will take time but you don't have to face it alone. Stay strong.
   
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Re: So down - June 3rd 2015, 05:26 PM

For some reason my soon to be hubby thinks it funny to still say get over it. Now he has stArted reading the stuff i have been writting. It has me down more over loseing hope then it did before
   
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Re: So down - June 10th 2015, 09:09 PM

Hi again.

Have you sat with your husband and been honest and told him how he is making you feel? I know this is going to be a really hard thing to do but he needs to know what he is saying is hurting you. He needs to understand that you're going to move on and manage this in your own way and your own time. You've been through a lot and it is going to take time but thats okay and "normal". What you have been through is a big deal and it's going to take your own way to overcome what has happened and thats understandable.

I think its great that you are writing things down although I understand that you want privacy with that and don't want your husband going through it. Again talk to him about it? I know it might be hard but where you write is your safe place and you deserve that safe place to let out all of your emotions and thoughts about what has happened and how its affecting you. You deserve that!

Talking is the key in relationships. If he doesn't know how you feel about all of this then how is he going to change his behaviour towards you and what he is doing? Do you know what I mean? I don't know if you have already talked to him so if you have then feel free to fire back at me and we'll think of another plan of action.

Hope this helps.
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: So down - June 13th 2015, 03:23 PM

Hey there,

Just wanted to say im sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through but I do know it will be an intense, scary, lonely time right now. It's good that you've been able to get some kind of support even if it is only once a week. But I feel that you need to speak to someone else on a more personal level. I would say try speaking to your partner and explain that what you are feeling is unbearable. He can keep saying ''get over it'' but you can't just get over anything. There is a healing process in every loss you experience and you are going through it. The emotions you are feeling are very much to be expected but I know that doesn't make it any easier for you.

Do you have a friend or someone close to you that you could maybe confide in?
Also there are support groups online that you could try searching for. Maybe talking to somebody who has experiences this tragic loss would be helpful as you will both have a common ground to talk to each other about.

I hope I haven't rambled on too much. Stay strong and keep yourself safe. I promise these feelings will pass <3 You'll get through this. Love sabs xx


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There may not always be a direct answer to a problem, but there is always a way to get through it.
Strength is the best quality of the human mind and body, and I believe everyone has it; whether they believe it or not. Look for that tiny glimmer of hope deep inside yourself and once you've found it let it blossom, glow and illuminate your life.

I'm always here if anyone wants to talk.


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Re: So down - June 13th 2015, 03:38 PM

Hey Amanda,
I know we've spoken about this before. But I wanted to say again that I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe there is a support group in your area that you can attend? I do remember pulling up a few links on google once but I don't know the specific area you live in. Maybe you can enter your zip code and find something local to go to.
   
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