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Rainbow Cookies Offline
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What to do? - June 4th 2015, 03:20 AM

I've felt pretty bad for a long time, I don't feel like getting into the details right now but I'm pretty sure that I am depressed and have anxiety. What I don't know is how to tell my parents. I'm not even sure that I want to. What should i do and I think it might be helpful to know what others have done in my situation.
   
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Re: What to do? - June 4th 2015, 06:30 AM

I am sorry you're feeling this way. I know how hard it can be but it's great that you're looking for ways to tell your parents. I hope you get some support doing so.

I never really told my parents when it all first started. A social worker got involved through child-line and rang my parents up and visited them. If I could do it all again, I'd tell them myself. Then after that they just got endless phone calls from my school because of what I was doing. Then when I turned older, a few years later, I started to be honest, especially with my mum. But I don't know whether that's because I just couldn't hide it anymore or not (I have psychotic episodes or I ended up in hospital).

I was just honest with my mum. I told her the truth and it was that simple. Sure her reaction was hard. She cried a lot and held me and talked to me and cried some more. But I guess it was good that I didn't have to hide it so much any more.

So my advice to you would be to be honest to them. Sit them both down and just tell them the truth in a sensitive way. Or you could always write them a letter explaining whats been going on. I know some people find it hard to talk so writing a letter can be another good way of telling people. But just be prepared for their reaction. It could be that they are okay with you and it, or they could get upset or they could get angry. First impressions of their feelings can be emotional because they don't know how to react but they will hopefully settle down and I am sure they will be supportive of you and whats going on.

Good for you for wanting to tell them and all the best!
Jessie


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Re: What to do? - June 4th 2015, 11:14 PM

Hey, Emma!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling pretty bad. Honestly though, I think it's a really positive and courageous thing that you've decided to reach out. Can I ask what makes you wonder if you even want to tell your parents? You're welcome to talk more about your thoughts, concerns and how you're feeling about this if you'd like. I can understand why you'd be hesitant to tell them though, I imagine it feels scary and that's understandable.

Telling your parents could end up being very helpful for you as you would have a support system. Along with being able to be honest and open up to them about how you're feeling. And while understandably it may be a bit difficult to talk about this, it may have a positive outcome in helping you start feeling better.

There's different ways you could go about telling them, it depends on what makes you feel most comfortable. One for example is writing down what you want to say to them on a note and handing it to them. This method allows you to word it how you want rather than verbally saying the wrong things or bolting because you feel nervous. However, face to face verbal conversation can sometimes be a lot more comforting. It depends on the person, you know? If you decide to do that, waiting till a time when your parents aren't too busy to sit down and discuss this with them might be a good idea as their full attention can be on this conversation.

Something else important to remember is that parents react in different ways, so it's important to remember that however they react, they still care for you and sometimes they simply need time to process it. For example, they may feel upset to see you dealing with these issues and want to help you but aren't sure how. This may make them come across as being upset with you, when that's definitely not the case. So please keep that in mind and don't let it stop you from seeking support, okay?

I suggest thinking about what you want out of the situation in advance. Such as, would you be open to therapy? That may be beneficial in helping you figure out how to cope with and improve your anxiety along with depression. If so, perhaps talk to your parents about therapy and see what their thoughts are. Along with that, support from them. I understand it's difficult opening up, but try your best to be honest with them about how you've been feeling. This way they can do their best to support you and try to help you through this.

You're shown a lot of bravery even by simply considering seeking help. When/if you do decide to talk to your parents about this, I really hope it goes well and that you get the support and help you deserve. You're welcome to keep us updated on your situation as I'd be very interested to hear how it goes for you. On that note, you can also message me anytime if you feel like talking, okay? And while I know it can't be easy for you struggling with your issues, I just want to reassure you that it does get better. I imagine you're a strong person, Emma, a person who can come out of this stronger than they were before so keep fighting. Stay strong.
   
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Re: What to do? - June 5th 2015, 02:14 AM

I think telling your parents about how you are feeling is a good idea, as it could be a way to receive some support with what you are dealing with. This can be difficult, of course, so it's good that you are putting some forethought into the decision. Perhaps you could try writing out your feelings before actually telling them, or even give them a note if you feel expressing yourself verbally would be too difficult. Best wishes.
   
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Re: What to do? - June 5th 2015, 03:55 AM

Thank you all for your advice. One of the things that makes this especially hard for me is that often one of the triggers for my panic attacks are when im talking to people, mainly people I know well. This is because I get so scared of disappointing people that I'm afraid of what will happen when I speak to them. Ive become really self conscious and analyze everything I do before I do it and hate myself after if I did something wrong no matter how small. Another thing is that I'm always afraid to do anything because I'm afraid of what will happen. I've started not to do anything that I can't immediately undo afterwards because I'm afraid of doing anything that if I don't like the results I can't change and make everyone forget that it ever happened.

What I'm really afraid of in this case is what will happen if I tell them, and not only that but what others including them will think of me. I guess I'm really just making excuses now not to tell them but I feel terrified even just thinking about it.
   
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Re: What to do? - June 5th 2015, 05:23 AM

I can relate to that to some extent. Sometimes setting high standards for yourself can be motivational in helping you reach important goals, but in some cases it can cause you to become self-conscious in a negative way. Especially if it stops you from reaching out due to fear of disappointing people.

In a way, I can understand how you feel. In fact, many people have anxiety towards the thought of telling those close to them about their struggles because of the fear of disappointing people. So if it's any comfort, you aren't alone in those thoughts and fears. However, I'd like to reassure you by saying that I highly doubt you'd be disappointing anyone by opening up about this. No one in the world is perfect and it's unfair to ask anyone to appear perfect. So you shouldn't ask yourself to, you know? You're allowed to have your feelings, your struggles and you're certainly allowed to seek support for them. Everyone needs support at some point and that's perfectly okay. I'm sure your parents would see you as brave and courageous for talking about this as it's not easy to talk about your issues.

Perhaps you could take this as an opportunity to ease out of your comfort zone? Such as speaking to your parents about smaller things leading up to the bigger things that you're worried about talking about. Doing things that scare you is an effective way to break past those fears and be more carefree. I know it's hard but you deserve to be able to let loose and not worry so much especially regarding what others think of you. It takes a lot of time and work but I do believe you'll notice progress.

When you feel a panic attack coming on and you feel overwhelmed, do you think it would help to practice deep breathing? Such as counting your breaths and focusing on that for a moment. Diverting your attention from your source of anxiety is the main goal. It may help to think of a happy random thought like a joke you heard recently, or something that happened to make you laugh.

I realize that it's not easy to just let go of all the worries about what others think of you, but try reminding yourself that it's okay to not be perfect. What really matters is what you think of yourself, such as being content with yourself and allowing yourself to reach out when you need a helping hand.

You're welcome to continue writing back if it helps you, Emma. We don't mind listening and offering support/advice to you. I'm happy you're able to write things out here.
   
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