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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 4th 2015, 11:47 AM

Hello,

I have no more energy or power to even keep trying.

My life if you want to call it that is pathetic.

- I have no friends or social contacts. Only communicate with my mother, ex husband, child and guys that are interested in me. And no I cannot make any friend otherwise I would have already

- I have no job or any skills. ( my ex pays me a lot of alimony, which is what I live off)

- I am depressed and lonely all the time

- I hate the way I look. So I avoid going outside as much as possible. I only go out to drop and pick my son up from school, drop off for after school activities etc

- I drink half a bottle of wine every night just in order to sleep.

I just cannot take it anymore....I have been depressed for so long. I am just so tired, mentally tired....I feel dead inside, like I was a mistake. I must have been a mistake because I belong nowhere. I am and stand alone, and it is a extremely lonely feeling. I don't see any reason to continue this torture, what is the point of living if I am tortured daily with these feelings.

My only reason to live would be for my child, but the mess I am. I'm sure my child would be better off without me anyway.

I see no hope, no future. Now the weather is getting better...sunnier and all the happy families are out having fun...friends are enjoying each other. And I am just alone....hiding away from the world and feeling depressed. It is getting worse and worse. This is a never ending story.

How and where do I even begin fixing all my problems.

I don't know anymore. I wish someone could help me
   
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 4th 2015, 11:52 AM

I am not even capable of figuring out what my passion is, what I want to do career wise. I just don't know.
   
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 4th 2015, 12:01 PM

If I might ask, how old are you?


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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 4th 2015, 08:52 PM

Hi there.

I'm glad you've come to us here and reached out for help because you don't deserve to suffer in silence. I hope we can help in some way.

Not socializing a lot can have a huge affect on us. I do have a question though, why can't you make new friends? Is there a practical reason for this? If not there are lots of ways you can make friends. I'll let you reply back before I fire at you with all of that!

Are you looking for a job? If not it might be worth looking into or even looking into volunteer work for a while where you can gain confidence and skills at the same time. There are so many opportunists out there and so many organisations and charities needing volunteers for help and support that you can easily do something. It would be a good way to meet people and a good way to not feel so lonely all the time too. It will help get you out and about and I think you would really benefit from it. Even if its only a few hours a week!

I am sorry you are feeling depressed. I know its not a nice way to feel and it can be really hard to go through but it's so good you have come here for some help and advice. Do you know of anything that has caused you to feel depressed? If there is something and you would like to talk about it to us, feel free to and we'll try to help you through it. If there isn't anything, then know that that's okay too and we'll still be here to help you while you're feeling this way. But do know that feeling this way doesn't last forever and that you can get better. It isn't always going to be this way and things can change. So don't give up on hope, okay? Try and not avoid going outside. One of the ways you're going to build your confidence with the way you look is by being around people and going out.

I used to be an alcoholic and used to drink to sleep too. I know how you want it to happen but it's not the best way to go around it. Try and set in a routine into your life so you go to bed at the same time every night, go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time every morning. Try and wind down before going to bed too. Have a bath, avoid caffeine, have a warm milky drink etc. And if you feel alcohol is an issue for you, speak to your doctor and reach out for help for that problem. There are specialist teams that you can be referred to that can help you cut down on drinking or you could always see you GP about sleeping medication. There's something called Melatonin which might be helpful if not something that's stronger since that is a hormone in the body.

Your child would never, ever be better of with out you. My mum attempted suicide several times and my dad, and it couldn't have hurt me more than it did. Your child deserves to have you in their life and you deserve to have them in your life. You have a life ahead of you and a future and a life worth living but you have to stay focused and motivated and work hard and let time be a healer too. I know its frustrating because you want it to go away now but it will go. Its just gunna take time but the important thing is that you don't suffer alone. If this isn't enough support then talk to someone in real life. Don't let it get too much and go to far because you ARE worth more than that, okay?

Keep your head high and stay strong. You're worth it.
Jessie


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 5th 2015, 12:01 AM

Hi there!

First off, I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time. From what you've wrote, I can tell that you're really struggling right now. Which is why I'm glad that you decided to write this out and reach out here, that's a really great thing, you know? I hope it helped a bit to be able to open up a bit.

You mentioned that you can't make friends, I was just wondering if there's a particular reason? You're welcome to share more if you feel comfortable. Jessie has a great idea about doing some volunteer work. That could definitely be a good way to improve your confidence, allow you a place to go to get out of the house along with meeting new people. Not socializing and staying in isolation tends to help worsen depression even if you feel like you just want to be alone at the time. How about doing something for both you and your son? Something that would allow you to get out of the house for a little while and get some fresh air and sun. Such as taking him to the park, taking him to get ice cream etc. Plus, spending some time with your son and bonding with him could really lift your mood.

Figuring out your passion can sometimes be a difficult task as not everyone knows what they want. I'm sure you have a lot of skills that you haven't yet discovered. Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy that could turn into a potential career? Such as creative writing, art, photography etc. Finding a career in something you enjoy is possible and you can go from there.

As for hating the way you look, I'm very sorry you feel that way towards yourself. Self-esteem is a really tough struggle and it can be really difficult doing daily things and having basic confidence when you aren't happy with the way you look. Is it anything in particular you're unhappy with? How about trying things to boost your confidence a bit. Such as shopping for a new outfit, finding something you feel confident in could raise your mood a lot. You could also do your nails, make-up etc. Do things like that just for you. Along with that, look in the mirror and try finding things you like about yourself. Compliment yourself on things you like, it can be anything from your eyes, your hair etc. Try making a list of your positive qualities both physically and personality-wise. Being able to recognize your good qualities and becoming comfortable with things you aren't happy with could make a big difference to you personally.

Do you have a pet? Taking care of a puppy or a kitten can help a lot sometimes. Having something else that depends on you and just another addition to the family that makes you smile could be good. Perhaps you could also take up some hobbies to do in your spare time. Such as arts and crafts for example. Or reading, gaming, maybe even get immersed in a TV series. Having ways to express your feelings can also be therapeutic as well, such as poetry, writing short stories and such. Keeping a journal to write down your thoughts, feelings and events that happen throughout the day/week can also be a great outlet.

Have you ever spoken with a therapist, or would you be open to seeing one? Therapy could be extremely beneficial for helping you learn how to cope with your feelings in a healthier way along with ways that you can change things up in your life to feel happier. I realize that you must feel extremely low, especially to have the thoughts that you're having but always remember that it's never too late.

Depression has a way of clouding your view and making you think that everyone would be better off if you weren't around but I want to reassure you that that isn't the case. Your son needs you so much more than you realize. Every child needs their mother and father. Each day after school, I imagine he's really happy to see you and that he'd be heartbroken if you weren't there after school everyday. Always remember that even though you feel so low, that these feelings and troubles aren't all there is to life. While it may be all that's in front of you right now, there's always happier days ahead and there's lots to live for. Try making a list of reasons to live and events that you want to experience in your future. Along with that, make a list of goals you want to achieve. Having something to work towards could help you a lot.

You're worth more than you think and you mean a lot more than you know to those around you, especially to your son I imagine. With time and effort, I really do believe you can get to a place where you feel happy and content in your life. Recovery is always possible no matter where you're at, but recovery is something that has to be chosen. You can do this, stay strong.

Hope this helped a bit. You're welcome to write back!
   
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 5th 2015, 02:05 AM

I'm sorry you are going through such a trying time. I can relate to much of what you said - making friends and finding happiness can be very difficult. Regardless, I can assure you your child would most certainly not be "better off" without a mother.

If you wish to try and meet new people, perhaps there is something within your community you can be a part of, such as a league or club of some kind. Also, while you stated that you have no job skills, there are jobs available to everyone of all backgrounds. It may be worth considering to seek something out, even if only part-time. This could be a way to get out and keep busy in addition to putting you in a potentially social atmosphere as well.
   
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 5th 2015, 07:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Miss View Post
If I might ask, how old are you?
I am in my twenties.
   
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 5th 2015, 08:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
Hi there.

I'm glad you've come to us here and reached out for help because you don't deserve to suffer in silence. I hope we can help in some way.

Not socializing a lot can have a huge affect on us. I do have a question though, why can't you make new friends? Is there a practical reason for this? If not there are lots of ways you can make friends. I'll let you reply back before I fire at you with all of that!

Are you looking for a job? If not it might be worth looking into or even looking into volunteer work for a while where you can gain confidence and skills at the same time. There are so many opportunists out there and so many organisations and charities needing volunteers for help and support that you can easily do something. It would be a good way to meet people and a good way to not feel so lonely all the time too. It will help get you out and about and I think you would really benefit from it. Even if its only a few hours a week!

I am sorry you are feeling depressed. I know its not a nice way to feel and it can be really hard to go through but it's so good you have come here for some help and advice. Do you know of anything that has caused you to feel depressed? If there is something and you would like to talk about it to us, feel free to and we'll try to help you through it. If there isn't anything, then know that that's okay too and we'll still be here to help you while you're feeling this way. But do know that feeling this way doesn't last forever and that you can get better. It isn't always going to be this way and things can change. So don't give up on hope, okay? Try and not avoid going outside. One of the ways you're going to build your confidence with the way you look is by being around people and going out.

I used to be an alcoholic and used to drink to sleep too. I know how you want it to happen but it's not the best way to go around it. Try and set in a routine into your life so you go to bed at the same time every night, go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time every morning. Try and wind down before going to bed too. Have a bath, avoid caffeine, have a warm milky drink etc. And if you feel alcohol is an issue for you, speak to your doctor and reach out for help for that problem. There are specialist teams that you can be referred to that can help you cut down on drinking or you could always see you GP about sleeping medication. There's something called Melatonin which might be helpful if not something that's stronger since that is a hormone in the body.

Your child would never, ever be better of with out you. My mum attempted suicide several times and my dad, and it couldn't have hurt me more than it did. Your child deserves to have you in their life and you deserve to have them in your life. You have a life ahead of you and a future and a life worth living but you have to stay focused and motivated and work hard and let time be a healer too. I know its frustrating because you want it to go away now but it will go. Its just gunna take time but the important thing is that you don't suffer alone. If this isn't enough support then talk to someone in real life. Don't let it get too much and go to far because you ARE worth more than that, okay?

Keep your head high and stay strong. You're worth it.
Jessie

Hi Jessie

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it.

To answer some of your questions : the reason why I can't make friends is because I know I won't. I barely leave the house so I never get a chance to meet new people, and when I'm around people I am anti social....I will never walk up to someone to start a conversation, it is just the way I am. Shy and insecure I guess. Also it is hard to make new friends when you are 25+ and people already have groups of friends.

I'm not looking for a job at the moment. I guess I already have in my mind that I have no skills, so I would not even know where to start looking. No idea what to write on my cv....volunteer work would be a good option I guess I could look into that. Only then my head starts spinning and I think....social phobia along with my insecurities about my looks

I actually was very good in learning and I enjoyed it, until I started to get social phobia a bit....no idea where it came from. It just hit me when the years before I was always out with friends, always doing things. When it hit me I started to think who am I going to hang out with on my lunch break? I will look like a idiot if I sit alone....so eventually I just stopped going to school.

Reasons why I would be depressed? I think I have had a rough childhood....I have been depressed since I was 15 on and off. Then I had a bad marriage and then a rough divorce. I guess also because I have no job or friends...when you are isolated all day it really depresses a person. When I was married I was always around my husband, we would travel all over the world...so now that we are divorced it has gotten worse.


I hope I'm not an alcoholic. I drink in order to fall asleep...as if I don't drink I will be up all night. I think the reasons I cannot sleep are a combination of stress, anxiety, no activity during the day and depression.
I get up at the same time daily, to bring my child to school...and I go to bed around the same time as well. I don't get much sleep 5 hours mostly. I have tried melatonin but it did not work for me.

I'm sorry to hear that your parents attempted suicide. It must have hurt you a lot. You are right that my son needs me, but because my life is such a mess what do I really have to offer him. And I feel like he hates me, he is much closer with his dad and as sad as it sounds I don't think he would miss me that much. Maybe when he would grow up he would wonder how I was and all that. But at this moment I just don't know.


Thank you for all your tips, I will use them.
   
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 5th 2015, 08:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala View Post
Hi there!

First off, I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time. From what you've wrote, I can tell that you're really struggling right now. Which is why I'm glad that you decided to write this out and reach out here, that's a really great thing, you know? I hope it helped a bit to be able to open up a bit.

You mentioned that you can't make friends, I was just wondering if there's a particular reason? You're welcome to share more if you feel comfortable. Jessie has a great idea about doing some volunteer work. That could definitely be a good way to improve your confidence, allow you a place to go to get out of the house along with meeting new people. Not socializing and staying in isolation tends to help worsen depression even if you feel like you just want to be alone at the time. How about doing something for both you and your son? Something that would allow you to get out of the house for a little while and get some fresh air and sun. Such as taking him to the park, taking him to get ice cream etc. Plus, spending some time with your son and bonding with him could really lift your mood.

Figuring out your passion can sometimes be a difficult task as not everyone knows what they want. I'm sure you have a lot of skills that you haven't yet discovered. Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy that could turn into a potential career? Such as creative writing, art, photography etc. Finding a career in something you enjoy is possible and you can go from there.

As for hating the way you look, I'm very sorry you feel that way towards yourself. Self-esteem is a really tough struggle and it can be really difficult doing daily things and having basic confidence when you aren't happy with the way you look. Is it anything in particular you're unhappy with? How about trying things to boost your confidence a bit. Such as shopping for a new outfit, finding something you feel confident in could raise your mood a lot. You could also do your nails, make-up etc. Do things like that just for you. Along with that, look in the mirror and try finding things you like about yourself. Compliment yourself on things you like, it can be anything from your eyes, your hair etc. Try making a list of your positive qualities both physically and personality-wise. Being able to recognize your good qualities and becoming comfortable with things you aren't happy with could make a big difference to you personally.

Do you have a pet? Taking care of a puppy or a kitten can help a lot sometimes. Having something else that depends on you and just another addition to the family that makes you smile could be good. Perhaps you could also take up some hobbies to do in your spare time. Such as arts and crafts for example. Or reading, gaming, maybe even get immersed in a TV series. Having ways to express your feelings can also be therapeutic as well, such as poetry, writing short stories and such. Keeping a journal to write down your thoughts, feelings and events that happen throughout the day/week can also be a great outlet.

Have you ever spoken with a therapist, or would you be open to seeing on

e? Therapy could be extremely beneficial for helping you learn how to cope with your feelings in a healthier way along with ways that you can change things up in your life to feel happier. I realize that you must feel extremely low, especially to have the thoughts that you're having but always remember that it's never too late.

Depression has a way of clouding your view and making you think that everyone would be better off if you weren't around but I want to reassure you that that isn't the case. Your son needs you so much more than you realize. Every child needs their mother and father. Each day after school, I imagine he's really happy to see you and that he'd be heartbroken if you weren't there after school everyday. Always remember that even though you feel so low, that these feelings and troubles aren't all there is to life. While it may be all that's in front of you right now, there's always happier days ahead and there's lots to live for. Try making a list of reasons to live and events that you want to experience in your future. Along with that, make a list of goals you want to achieve. Having something to work towards could help you a lot.

You're worth more than you think and you mean a lot more than you know to those around you, especially to your son I imagine. With time and effort, I really do believe you can get to a place where you feel happy and content in your life. Recovery is always possible no matter where you're at, but recovery is something that has to be chosen. You can do this, stay strong.

Hope this helped a bit. You're welcome to write back!

Hi nala,

Thank you for responding.

Some of your questions I already answered in my reply above.

The insecurities I have regarding my looks are that I look tired...I don't sleep much due to stress and depression so I don't really look fresh faced.
Also because I drink half a bottle of wine a night...I no longer have a perfect flat stomach..but I am starting to get a stomach. And I feel my legs are too skinny.so in the summer it gets worse as If I want to wear a dress it is a struggle because of my legs.
Before this happened as I was pretty happy with my looks, but now it feels I am self destructing. Thanks for the tip...I will write some things down.

I don't have a pet, it would be fun but it would also feel like a burden right now as I am struggling with everything right now. I don't really want more responsibilities at the moment.

Been to a therapist a few times, but I go on and off....I should start going and keep going.

Thanks for your post, I can do something with it
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 5th 2015, 09:56 PM

Hi again.

No need to thank me. It's the least I can do.

You're doubting yourself about making friends with people. If you try then you can. Yes it's hard trust me I have been there. But sometimes we have to fake it 'till we make it. Act and appear confident even though we're terrified inside. Make a chance to leave the house. Start going to support groups or clubs that you are interested in. Make that effort to meet people because it's clearly bothering you that you don't socialize a lot. Get out there and meet people! You seem like a really lovely person and if you just brave it then I really think you will make friends! You are honestly such a nice person and deserve to have that social contact with people. I know its hard when you're insecure, like I said I have been there bit recently I started going to an AA meeting and it's done me the world of good! So maybe think about what you're into and start a group. It could be an art group or even a running group! Or a support group for people who struggle with depression and low mood. And I think volunteer work would really help with this but again you've got to go for it you know?

I don't know anything about your childhood and I won't pretend to understand how you feel but if you want to talk about it then know we're here for you okay? We will listen with out judging and just be there to help you. It sounds like you have been through a lot with your marriage and divorce too. That must have been really difficult and I am sorry you had to go through that but the good thing is you got through it and you can keep fighting because you ARE strong enough to get through this and to the other side.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say you were an alcoholic. I was just meaning to say I could kind of relate to drinkingt o fall asleep. You need to get some hobbies going and things to keep you busy during the day. You need to keep your mind occupied and focused. Could you see your doctor to talk about a sleeping tablet instead. There's something called Zoplicone which might help but there are loads more too so it might be worth thinking about because lack of sleep can have a huge impact on our mental well being.

It did hurt a lot and I am right when I say your son needs you because YOU do have a lot to offer him. You have love and thats all you really need. For him to know he's loved and cared for and wanted and that you're not going to ever leave him because your his mummy and he needs you. I know this is a really sensitive subject but he doesn't hate you I am sure, and maybe he is closer to his dad, I was always closer to my mum where my sister was closer to my dad but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you as much. He would miss you so badly if you were to do anything and when he's old enough to understand it all properly, it'll probably destroy him to pieces. He needs his mum. He needs YOU.

I really hope you are doing okay and remember we're here okay? So don't be alone
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. - June 6th 2015, 07:17 PM

It seems like most of your problems are because of what you think of yourself... you're someone who has plenty of capabilities.. you just need to trust yourself and believe in yourself. and i think there's better ways of relaxing than drinking.. better to just read a book, chill and not think too much be at peace with what's around you and that'll eventually help you to accept yourself.

I had the same problem once too in that i was always looking at myself negatively, and since i overcame that, things have been far better for me. And your child needs you, and loves you.

And i really think that friends are all around. Join a group, or society somewhere .. that will lead to you mixing around, and gaining all sorts of companionship which will allow you to regain even more enthusiasm , which is good for you.

Believe in yourself and don't ever doubt yourself.. You're your own best friend so start treating yourself like you deserve better. because you DO deserve better!

We'll all always be here to support you if you need someone to rant or talk to.. always.

things will work out!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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