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Endless nightmare - June 15th 2015, 06:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I dont know how long this will be, I'll keep it straight to the point.

So the last few months, my mum has been getting tests done for breast cancer and is hiding the results from me, she had it before and she got it removed but she has been really stressed, tired and weak lately so I am extremely concerned.

I lost a lot of weight due to an eating disorder and recently I have lost control and just have been eating more than my body can handle and im nearly back to the weight I started with which is driving me crazy.

I have been having nightmares from being sexually assaulted by my cousin and neighbour every single night. I am tired all the time and I just feel so weak.

I've failed school, I currently go to sixthform (UK) and I am having to resit the year, which everyone is saying is completely unlike me and I must agree but I have just given up with everything.

My family treat me like (i think you can guess the word), especially my mum, for example as I'm typing she thinks im lying down with the laptop so she cant see my face so is asking to see what im doing, she takes my phone and doesn't let me out. I am trying to be nice because I don't know what she is going through but she has been like it for years.

I might be pregnant as well, (gosh I know, you'd think I was making this all up) and the thing is I almost want to be pregnant despite the fact I am not ready to have kids financially but I just want to care for something and to have a reason to stay alive because right now, I dont.

I dream about my suicide all the time, I can't focus in school because im constantly planning it but I know I don't want to, but then I want it more than anything.

Gosh, sorry. I'm a pretty messed up person.



   
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Re: Endless nightmare - June 16th 2015, 04:40 AM

You sound like you have gone through a lot, I think having a kid might make it worse though because you might be even ore stressed out and feel weaker than you already do.

Maybe you might want to sit down with your mum and tell her that you just need a bit of space from her because you feel your privacy is being invaded, if you don't feel comfortable doing that, you can get someone else to be with you when you tell her, or you can leave her a note telling her. You could leave it in a place that you know she would find it "accidentally." None of what you have said deserves to have happened to you, it was wrong.

Maybe you could try and get a hold of your eating disorder and try not to eat too much or too little, I have my sister ask me each day what I have eaten that day so I feel bad if I haven't eaten anything or anything good for me. Maybe you could get a friend to do that for you?

I wouldn't worry about your mum not showing you the results, she will tell you eventually when she is ready, and if you are trying to find out before she is ready to tell you, that's you going into her business. She needs her privacy too. Having breast cancer is pretty serious though, but she has to tell you eventually. If she doesn't have it, you have nothing to worry about, and if she does, she probably doesn't want to be treated any differently because that would make her feel more insecure about it.

Try and focus on doing well at school, it might be hard but it will be worth it.


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Re: Endless nightmare - June 16th 2015, 07:15 PM

You are certainly dealing with a lot at the moment, especially for someone so young. I'm very sorry for your mother's health situation and while I think it's admirable that you are tolerating her behavior toward you, I agree with the above poster that it may be a good idea to speak with her about it. You are going through so much yourself and deserve some privacy and space.

It's understandable that your schoolwork would be suffering given everything going on in your life at the moment and that's nothing to be ashamed of. While education is important, it sometimes takes a back seat when we are dealing with serious problems and are forced to prioritize things in life. I wish you well and really hope everything works out. Take care.
   
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