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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I can't live like this... - June 16th 2015, 05:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't live like this anymore. The pain is too much. I cannot handle the pain of my past any longer . Nothing positive will happen for me, I will forever be alone, forever be unloved . I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't know what to do. I will never find happiness in this life. I want it to end. Please, I want this life to end...
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Re: I can't live like this... - June 16th 2015, 08:55 AM

Hi, Ryan!

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. You must be struggling a lot to have these feelings and thoughts. Would you like to talk more about what's making you feel this way? The past can be painful, no doubt which is why sometimes it helps to talk about things that have happened, and you're more than welcome to share that if you'd like.

TeenHelp is a great source of support and of course you can continue reaching out here as being able to write things out is really therapeutic, but real life support is important too. Is there anyone in your life you can go to for support? This can be anyone you trust and feel you can confide in. A friend, family member or someone you know really well that'll listen. Other than that, do you see a therapist that you can open up to about your struggles?

When you feel the way you do, I imagine it's hard to find motivation to do things that could help you feel a little better. But doing your best to try making it a habit to spend your days in a way that helps you feel more uplifted could help a lot. Such as doing a hobby you enjoy, exploring new things and interests can also be really fun because you never know when you're run up on something you end up being passionate towards. Along with that, treating yourself nicely is another good step. Try doing things that let you feel relaxation and happiness, even if it's just a little. Treat yourself to eating out, or have a favorite beverage of yours while watching a favorite movie. Focusing on the small enjoyments in life when things are hard can be comforting in a way. Finding happiness in small things can end up making a big difference.

Depression and hardships in your life can have a way of working together to make you believe you're unloved, always gonna be alone and so on. I understand how those feelings and thoughts must be extremely strong for you right now. And I'm really sorry for that, Ryan. But I just wanted to reassure you that you won't always be alone, even if it feels like that right now. All this pain you're feeling can cloud your vision to hope, but remember that it doesn't mean hope is nonexistent.

The future is unknown, but nothing stays stormy forever. While things can begin feeling really difficult to get through, there'll always be happier things ahead that make life worth it, you know? At anytime, you could meet someone out of chance that changes your whole life in a positive way. I believe you'll reach a point where you're so happy you held on. Live for what the future has to offer, you deserve to experience happiness and I do believe you'll feel that again.

Happiness is a journey and every single day is a new day, a new chance. Have hope and keep fighting. You can do this, Ryan, stay strong.
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Re: I can't live like this... - June 16th 2015, 06:01 PM

Ryan: I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I, too, know well the feeling of hopelessness and how painful it can be. Remember that you deserve happiness just like anyone else. There is a way out of this - you just have to discover what it is. The answer is there, even if you don't know it at the moment. Best wishes.
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Re: I can't live like this... - June 17th 2015, 05:13 AM

No. Nothing will change. I don't want to live this life anymore but I am forced to. I am sick and tired of it and I want it to stop. I just want to happy, but I can't with the life I am living. If I had the courage, I would have killed myself by now, but I don't. Not like I have gun or anything, but I want my pain to end. Nothing will change, nothing will get better, and one day, my life will end....
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Re: I can't live like this... - June 17th 2015, 09:35 AM

When you're feeling the way you feel now, I can see how you would begin to feel as nothing will ever change. That the way things are right now is how they'll stay. I just want to remind you that it's not true at all. There's so much time and chances for change. The future could be a really amazing thing and offer you a lot of happiness.

What I noticed was that you said you "didn't want to live anymore", but also that you "just want to be happy". I can tell you must be feeling so tired of the way things are, and just want something positive to happen. That's so understandable, Ryan, and many could relate. My thoughts are that life is full of change and that means there's space for things to change in both good and bad ways throughout life. Some you don't have control over, but some you do. And it can make a huge different to focus on what you do have control over to make your life the best you can. Meanwhile, something greater could be coming along.

The meaning of courage is the ability to do what frightens you, and I believe that while the simple act of going through with suicide does frighten you, that somewhere deep inside, you also fear missing out on the good parts that life has to offer. I think courage is shown by holding on and continuing on, even when things get rough. And judging by posts you made in the past explaining your struggles, you've shown you have a lot of courage. Enough to get through this also. And you aren't alone, okay? You have all of TeenHelp here to support you. Keep holding on.
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Re: I can't live like this... - June 17th 2015, 04:06 PM

You aren't forced to live this life. At the end of the day you have the choice of ending it but something is stopping you. Something is keeping you from committing suicide, which is a good thing. I know this is hard but you are fighting it and you're doing so well to still be here because I know how much effort and courage it can take but you are doing it and you should be damn proud of yourself. We are.

Have you thought about talking to someone about how you are feeling? I know reaching out for help can be hard and difficult but talking to someone can really help. Of course we're always here for you and always will be. But sometimes having someone to talk to face to face can be really helpful and beneficial. Yes scary but still helpful. You can talk to teachers, guidance counselors, a doctor/GP, a friend, family, anyone who you feel you can trust and talk to. Take twenty seconds of bravery and speak to someone. That first twenty seconds is always the hardest but it does get easier. I know it does because I have been there. And I know you can do it and talk to someone. Even write it down and pass it to someone or print this of. What ever is the best way for you, do it because you are whats important in this. This is all about you, not about anyone else, but about you. Here is a list of people you can talk too: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...o-can-help-me/. Remember people want to help you and support you through this but that they can only do so if they know what's happening. You have to meet them half way in order for them to meet you half way.

Have you looked at our list of alternatives to self harm? Here is the link too it :http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/. Not everything is going to help, but when you have these suicidal thoughts, try using some of them. Go through them and try them again and again or use some of your own and make a list of your own, which you can add in some of these ones. Its what helps you and at the end of the day, as long as you're doing them, you're not acting on the thoughts. It might be trial and error but you will find things that help you get through the rough moments.

Have you thought about creating a self soothe/first aid box? I have one which is really pretty and have things like letters from friends and family, photos's, memories from things like a bracelet from a holiday in spain, a dvd that cheers me up, a book of reasons to be happy, a book i like, worry dolls, sour sweets etc. Maybe you could try doing something similar? Then when you're feeling low you can go to it and use these things to help you. I also have glow bands in mine because when I have urges to self harm or suicidal thoughts, i'll snap one, put it on and then I can't do anything until it had stopped glowing which is normally 12 hours later by which time the urges have gone or at least settled and I can managed them.

Treat yourself too. Pamper yourself. Have a nice shower and use your five senses to self soothe. Go out with a friend for a meal. Watch a dvd with a bar of chocolate you know? Do things you enjoy and I know it's hard to be motivated when you feel suicidal and the way you do but there's something called activation before motivation which is where you act before you're motivated and then acting actually motivates you. You deserve nice things and to do nice things and to have a nice time and its okay to allow yourself too.

You have a life worth living and maybe you could come up with some reasons to live. Write a list of them and stick it up on your wall to remind yourself every day. You have a life worth living. You have so much you can do and so much to experience. I know this is hard but you can get through. Keep on fighting and don't give up. I know its hard but don't suffer in silence neither. You deserve to get through this and you can do so keep your head high and keep fighting and remember we're here and so are many others


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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