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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
darkwolf_2020 Offline
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Depressed/scared/lost - June 23rd 2015, 04:25 AM

Hey,
So lately, generaly for the past two years and worsening in the past couple of months, i've been struggleing with anxiety and depression. Neither are REALLY bad, but there bad enough that I'm constently thinking about it. Anyways I had a really hard time in the last few weeks of school dealing with my axiety(panic attacks), and I was eventually brought in to the school therypist. Anyways it didn't do much because after that day my parents mentioned it once, but never brought it up again.

Anyways that's not why I'm posting.

I've been on summer break for around three weeks. I thought once summer came I'd be fine. No more depression or anxeity. But lately my depression has been getting worse. And in combination with my anxiety my life has become a living hell. I can't fall asleep at night because I keep thinking up senerios(part of my anxeity) and then when I wake up I have no motivation to get out of bed even if I've slept for 15 hours. I just lounge around all day, too depressed to go out. Every night I come to bed and either binge watch a terrible show on netflix, or lie in the dark and think about how worthless I am. The only time I EVER feel truely happy is when i'm with my boyfriend. Well, sorta boyfriend. You know what those relationships are like in Jr.High. Anyways that just shows how my life sucks.


This next section might be triggering for suicide, but i don't know so mark it as you will.

Anyways, I've been having these awful thoughts that have made me really scared of I guess myself. I've been thinking about how easy it would be to kill myself. I'm not accualy conteplating sucide in fact I don't think i ever would, but I just keep think that I am capable of kill myself. And it makes me really scared that one day I might.

I know that I shouldn't do it, I never would, and I KNOW I need to talk to someone. But i just cannot talk to my parents. I mean even when i do this thing where i make up senerios about me getting help(I know weird right?) I NEVER have gone to my parents. Not that they wouldn't be supportive, and they would understand but not in the right way. The thing is I need to go to someone who could understand straight away, but whats weird is that those people are people who accually don't know me that well, for exaple teachers. And i know that I should just talk to my parents and explain to them whats going on so they will understand, but right now I really can't handle have to explain to someone who doesn't understand. And I can't talk to anyone right now because it's summer break. I just feel that I'm at this impass where even if I wanted help, i couldn't get it in the way that I need it.

I just need an escape from life, and I don't know how to do that.

I know that this is a pretty impossible situation, but I would appreciate ANY advice for what I can do. I know that I've basiclly eliminated all possible methods of recieveing help, but I just couldn't keep it in any longer.

Thanks

C
   
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Re: Depressed/scared/lost - June 23rd 2015, 05:05 AM

Hey there!

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Honestly, I'm so glad you're not truly considering suicide, but the fact that you've had a thought regarding suicide shows that you're really struggling. You must be feeling really low and having a hard time with things right now, which is why I think it's really important that you continue trying to reach out to those around you to get help. The simple fact that you wrote this out and realize you need help is such a positive thing, along with talking to your school therapist. You should be proud of yourself for reaching out.

Even though you're hesitant to open up to your parents because you don't think they'd understand very quickly, I think it would help in the long run because when you're feeling depressed and are struggling with your anxiety, you'd have support to go to at home, you know? You'd have your parents around and they'd be there if you feel like talking which could be really helpful for you to have that type of support. But I do understand what you mean in a way, sometimes it can be be tiring simply thinking of trying to help someone understand what you're going through. Do you think it would help if you wrote your parents a note in your own free time, explaining how you've been feeling, your thoughts and what you're going through? This way you could go at your own pace and word it how you want.

Other than your parents, do you have a certain teacher you can trust to go to when you start going back to school again? On the note of seeking help, do you have a therapist outside of school? Perhaps you could ask your parents about therapy if you would be interested in that. Therapy could be really beneficial in helping you learn to cope with your anxiety and depression, along with learning ways to improve so that you can live a happier life which is what you deserve.

As for your anxiety, has anything in particular caused your anxiety? I know this is easier said than done, but try implementing new ways of thinking about a certain situation and possible scenarios you think of. That seems like a really simple statement, yet still hard, right? I realize that! Just letting you know I'm not trying to belittle your struggles, hope it doesn't seem that way, my apologies if it feels like that. Thing is, when we begin only focusing on possible negative outcomes in a situation and negative things about ourselves, it turns into a habit and a vicious cycle then causes anxiety. Try your best to gradually start to combat the negative thoughts that cause anxiety by looking for at least one positive in a situation. Remind yourself that situations can always have a positive outcome, even if your anxiety is telling you otherwise. Relaxation techniques are also helpful such as focusing on an object, practicing deep breathing and counting your breaths etc.

While reaching out for support and advice is a huge help when you're struggling, something that's important is to also take steps in helping yourself and finding ways to feel happy at home. I understand that's really hard to do when you feel so low, but do your best to take opportunities to do things that may help you feel better when you can. Such as going out, maintaining a daily routine and doing different sorts of fun things throughout the day. Practice self-care and treating yourself like you would a friend. Treat yourself to spoils and things that make you feel happy and more confident about yourself. Such as a relaxing bath, your favorite hot beverage and snack. And maybe do your nails and your hair!

Healthy outlets and ways to express yourself is important. You can do so in many ways, through art, creative writing and hobbies. Keeping a journal to write down your thoughts, feelings and things that happen throughout your life could be rather therapeutic as well! In the meantime, do you think it would help to take up some new enjoyable hobbies to immerse yourself in? Such as gaming, reading, gardening, learning a musical instrument, writing etc. Doing things you enjoy might help you feel a little better. Spending time outside each day and moderate exercise can also help you feel better as well! Sunlight causing our bodies to release endorphins which makes us feel good.

Along with that, remember that you aren't worthless even if depression and anxiety makes you feel that way, okay? You're important, you matter and I'm sure that many people in your life would be happy to support you through this. I hope you can reach out because you don't deserve to go through this alone. In the meantime, keep holding on because I know you're having a really hard time right now, but things always get better eventually. Throughout all this, you're welcome to continue posting here and you can also message me anytime you like if you need someone to talk to!

Take care and stay strong.
   
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Re: Depressed/scared/lost - June 23rd 2015, 07:20 PM

It's nice to hear that you are not seriously contemplating suicide and it's also encouraging that you appear to realize your need to speak with someone. Have you considered going to a counselor of some kind? I know you said your parents wouldn't understand, but it sounds as if you believe they would like to help and that's a very good thing. If I may ask, why is it that you believe they wouldn't understand right away or in the right way, as you said?

In any event, I wish you well and hope everything works out regardless of how you choose to handle this. Take care.
   
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Re: Depressed/scared/lost - June 23rd 2015, 08:43 PM

Don't let the bad times get the best of you! You can overcome these odds, you just have to believe in yourself and have the faith and hope everyone else does for you. I know you'll overcome these odds. I can sense it in you. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm here for you.
   
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Re: Depressed/scared/lost - June 24th 2015, 05:52 AM

Hey guys,
Thanks for the support. Right now I don't have that many people to talk to, so your support though TH means alot to me. I have a plan to talk to my brother who I think is also depressed and then telling my parents together. That is if I can do that. Anyways, I think that I'm most scared of how my parents will react. I think that my parents will react by either not taking it seriously enough, or they'll think I'm a major sucide risk. I just feel that if I talked to them the same thing would happen. They would metion it once, and I would have to keep bringing it up. And I haven't even brought it up once yet. I was thinking that when I told them I would tell them how they could help, but honestly I don't know what the next step is. So I guess I'm asking, what are my options on how they can help?? My mom and parents are the type who would do research, but I don't want to have a million conversations. So does anyone have any recomendations for ways they can help?

Thanks for being there for me

C
   
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Re: Depressed/scared/lost - June 24th 2015, 06:39 AM

You're welcome. TeenHelp is a fantastic place to get support so I hope you find it helpful and comforting in knowing you have a place to talk about things.

Your plan to talk to your brother is a really positive thing, although I'm sorry about the fact that he may also be struggling with depression. Talking to him may help both of you so that you can support each other. I also like your idea of telling your parents together.

I understand your worries and concerns regarding telling your parents. There's not really a sure way to know how they'll react, but I suppose it would help to think about the positives that could come out of telling them rather than the negatives. Write a list of the benefits that could come of telling them. Politely letting them know of things that would help you is a good idea and I think it's great that you're considering doing so.

Think about what you want out of the situation ahead of time. For example, are you open to therapy and seeking help? Then be sure to bring up to them about the idea of therapy to them. They can help you in lots of ways. Like when you're upset and seem irritable, they'd probably be more understanding to take your feelings in consideration. And if they knew what you were going through, you would be able to go to them and have someone to talk to that has a general understanding of how you've recently felt.

Also remember that upon first telling your parents, they may appear upset and may not react in the most understanding way. But that doesn't mean it won't improve later on as they think on it. Some parents need time at first to work out their feelings about finding out such information, because you are their child and they'd probably be worried at first. So remember that they may experience a variety of emotions. I'm sure that they'd be sad to find out about you and your brother dealing with this, but they would be glad that you went to them about this, along with wanting to help in anyway they can.

Unfortunately while some people are uneducated about mental health (especially when it affects youth), there's surprisingly lots of articles on the internet about how mental health issues affects people of all ages if looked into enough. Along with helpful tips and ways to help loved ones struggling with depression and in understanding it better. So if your parents did do research, that isn't such a bad thing! Plus, it just shows they care and want to help you.

I hope that it goes well if you talk to your brother and parents. Feel free to update us on how things go, I'm interested in knowing!

Hope this helped and made sense. Take care.
   
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Re: Depressed/scared/lost - June 24th 2015, 08:17 PM

I agree that speaking about this with your brother could not only provide another outlet for support, but also assist your parents in understanding the situation better.

It's understandable that you would be apprehensive about your parents' reaction to such a serious and sensitive subject. I think it's a good thing that they may be the type who would do the research and attempt to understand what you and your brother are dealing with as opposed to brushing it off. I realize that having multiple conversations about your situation may not be appealing, but in all honesty, it might be the best thing for everyone. It can be difficult, yes, but good things tend to happen when the lines of communication are kept open.

As for the ways your parents may be able to help, it would likely be easier to acquire therapy if that is something you wish to seek out. It would also provide you the opportunity to be open and honest without having to keep what you are going through a secret from them, which can be a huge weight off of a person's shoulders.

I wish you well and hope everything works out
   
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