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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
*CatchingStars* Offline
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I've taken a million steps back - June 23rd 2015, 09:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I thought I was better. Than life just laughed and held me down. I've been so down lately and some may have noticed I haven't been around and those who have me in other places may have also seen im just not happy. I try getting out I try to change but I cant. All I think about is dying. The plus I haven't had urged to cut but idk if it is to a point I even lost motivation to do that. My dad is worried because he has noticed. Pretending to be happy is getting too much. I promised my dad I would get better because he tried hard to give me a good life even with everything that has happened. But I cant I cant do any of this. I literally feel like I can't breath like I'm trapped and something huge is sitting on my chest. I haven't slept well lately and im just falling apart worse than ever

Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with


Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I've taken a million steps back - June 23rd 2015, 03:36 PM

I'm so so sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.

Seems to me you are really putting pressure on yourself to 'change' for your Dad, to make him feel better since he has given you a wonderful life. I'm here to tell you that you don't have to change. It's okay to struggle because we all do. Sometimes worse than others, but we all fall short of where we want to be, and that's okay. It's also okay to ask for help.

Reach out to your dad and tell him how you feel. Explain to him that this isn't his fault, but that you really need some support. I'm sure he will understand and having him by your side to cheer you up a bit when you need it may help. Even if he only cheers you up a tad, knowing his is trying will help you feel better.

Don't forget we here on TH love you, and we are here to support you no matter what. Don't give up, because you deserve so much more than this, and I know that you'll be able to get it.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I've taken a million steps back - June 23rd 2015, 06:16 PM

I agree with the above poster: reaching out to your dad and asking him for his help would likely be far better (and easier) than putting so much pressure on yourself to "get better" for him. I'm sure he would see it that way as well. Best wishes.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: I've taken a million steps back - June 23rd 2015, 08:43 PM

Hi there.

Firstly I want to tell you you haven't gone backwards. Yes you feel low and down right now but you're keeping yourself safe. YOU Have kept YOU safe and that's so important for you to remember right now.

You are better. I can imagine this is hard because going through rough times like this can be really difficult but that doesn't mean you're in a bad place as such. It just means you're struggling a little right now and perhaps need some extra support and that's okay. It doesn't mean you have gone back a million steps. Like I said you have stayed safe and focused and that's what is important so be proud of yourself for that, yeah?

I know it's hard to not feel happy so are there things you can put in place to make you feel happier? Things like hobbies you enjoy doing? I know it's hard to get the motivation to do things when you feel low but activation before motivation is a wonderful thing. If you act, you can get motivated after. Like today, I wasn't motivated to go to the gym but I went (act) and then got motivated when I started. So things like running, art, writing, reading, tv, internet, shopping, swimming, fashion, courses, anything you're in too and would like to do. Sometimes we have to force ourselves into these things, you know to make us feel better.

In reality what is dying going to achieve? Nothing because you won't be here. If you stick around, you get the chance to feel better than this and to actually have a good life and enjoy it. You get to experience so many thing and see so many things and do anything you want to do. When you get through this, which you will, you'll see life in a different way. It'll be so precious and beautiful to you and you will be so glad that you never gave up. I know it's hard to believe that right now but you do have a life worth living and and that is there to live for it well worth it. YOU are well worth it. Worth the fight. Believe in yourself and you can go a long way.

I think if you had urges to cut, you would do it despite not having the motivation or energy to do it. If you want something that badly, you'll find the motivation and energy and something to do it with so it's great, again, that you have stayed safe and kept yourself that way.

Your dad is your dad. You are his baby. You always will be no matter what age you are and he is going to worry about you. Thats what parents do because he loves and cares about you and wants what is best for you. Let him in. Let him help you and let him be there for you. You don't have to go through this alone and you don't have to pretend to be happy all the time when you aren't. He seems like a really understanding person and I think he will want to do anything he can to help you as much as he can. Don't be afraid to be honest. I know you can do this, I know you can. Yes your promised your dad you would get better but you never game it time frame did you? So you still can get better and keep that promise. You don't have to feel trapped any more. Let people in and let them help you because you honestly don't deserve to suffer in silence.

I know this is hard but you can do it and get through to the other side. Keep fighting and stay safe. You are doing so well and should be proud of yourself. Remember we're always here for you.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I've taken a million steps back - June 24th 2015, 04:34 AM

Hi, Corri!

Even though you're having a really hard time right now, that doesn't mean you've taken any steps back. You must have held on through some really tough things and you're still doing so, I mean, you even posted this thread reaching out - that's a really positive thing, you know? Plus, through all of this, you haven't had urges to cut and that's a huge accomplishment. I can't tell you why you haven't had urges because I'm not you, but to me, that's a really good sign because it may mean that somewhere deep down, you realize you're worth more than that. That talking about how you're feeling and expressing yourself is much healthier.

Finding outlets and ways to express yourself could be quite therapeutic. Such as art, creative hobbies and writing. Journaling about your feelings and thoughts is a good outlet that might help when you're feeling down. Something else that may help is to immerse yourself in a hobby that you're interested in. If it's something you're interested in, you'll most likely be able to get immersed and find yourself feeling a little better doing something you enjoy.

What Jessie said is so true, your dad is your dad and you are his baby - it's normal for him to worry about you and that simply means he loves and cares the world about you. I agree with Mathmaticiousforlife that you seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to change and do well for your dad. Thing is, I imagine he understands a lot more than you think. Everyone struggles, Corri, and that's completely okay, I'm sure your dad understands that too. No one should expect you to be happy 24/7. You're allowed to have your feelings and struggles, that doesn't mean you're taking any steps back and just because you're feeling so down, it doesn't mean you have to pretend to be happy. Could you open up to your dad about your feelings, and how you're trying to do your best but you've just been feeling really down? Make sure he knows it isn't his fault. Having support and reassurance from him could help you a lot.

Corri, you must feel so, so low to think of dying often. I am very sorry you feel like this, I imagine you've been through a lot to get to this point. But think of it this way; the way you feel right now isn't forever as life changes quite often and we change too. Sometimes it feels like it, but life isn't all sadness and painfulness. Life can be really beautiful if we stick around and get through the storms. You deserve to experience the happiness that life has to offer. Think of what you want in your future and make a list with goals, sort of like a list of reasons to live to remind yourself of what could be and to motivate yourself to keep fighting when you're feeling low.

Remind yourself to continue fighting because you've gotten so far, just keep choosing recovery. You'll have rough times but you're a lot stronger than you think and you also aren't alone. You can reach out here anytime. I just want you to know that whenever you're having an awful day or week, there's always much better days and weeks that the future is bringing. Look forward to that and let that thought keep you going, okay? Stay strong, Corri.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: I've taken a million steps back - June 24th 2015, 05:38 PM

coco i promise you that things will work out. and if you've the feeling that there's something huge sitting on your chest, then its time for you to let go of that burden.

Is there any reason as to why you're feeling that way? cause i've had that feeling before.. it only happens when there's some huge burden, some huge worry on me. When i doubt myself, and when i think that things won't work out . But somehow, it did.

I know that it'll work out for you as well, and i'll always be here to support you. rant to me anytimes.

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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