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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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too much - June 27th 2015, 03:42 PM

Deleted. Sorry.I'm scared to talk about it because it will get worse.

Last edited by Not_here; June 27th 2015 at 04:55 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: too much - June 27th 2015, 07:03 PM

Hey, I know you've deleted this and I understand if you don't wanna talk about it but if you need someone to talk to or just vent to feel free to message me. I hope things get better for you soon.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: too much - June 27th 2015, 08:35 PM

I know you have deleted this but I want you to know we're here to listen and to help if you need it, okay? So don't be alone in this. <3


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Re: too much - June 28th 2015, 06:10 AM

Hey, Susan.

Sorry that you feel scared to talk about this and that you're having a hard time to post this the first place. You can make a new thread or resort to other resources of advice (Live Help, HelpLINK etc) because we're here to listen and try to offer our best advice, and even if we can't, you have our support, okay? I hope you're okay, Susan. You can PM me if you want to talk about what's going on, I don't mind listening at all, I mean that. Take care and stay strong.
   
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Re: too much - July 3rd 2015, 03:03 AM

it's not fair. it isn't fair how I work so hard to feel okay and people can break that for me in seconds. They treat me like trash and if that's what I am I want to go to the garbage bin instead of being kicked around. In everyone's way. I don't get this life. I don't get how abuse can be so subtle that no one can see it but I can feel its impact so heavy. It isn't fair. I want it to be visible. I want to call it abuse if that's what it is, but what if it isn't? I don't want to exaggerate either. Something is and has been going on. Ill keep calling it hostility that makes me suicidal. Ill call it hate . I'll call it me being mentally Ill. I've never felt so isolated and alone than on nights like these. My anxiety is so bad I'm in pain all over. I made it 5 weeks without cutting. Not sure how long it will last .
   
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Re: too much - July 3rd 2015, 05:52 AM

You're right, Susan, it isn't fair. Such a kind and nice person like you who means no harm to anyone is being treated this way, that isn't fair. The way you're being treated isn't right and it isn't okay. I'm so sorry about what you're going through right now.

Are you in a position to move out? Do you have any family members, a close friend you can move in with or can you afford an apartment of some sort? The environment you're in seems to understandably be affecting you and having a huge negative impact on you. You deserve to be able to get away from all of this and have some breathing room.

You matter so much more than how the people around you are making you feel. Just remember that. How they treat you, what they say and do does not define your worth. I can see how hard you're trying to help yourself, to feel okay and I can just imagine how hard it is when everyone is breaking all of your efforts down.

Don't be afraid to reach out to people in your life for support, or go for a walk to get away from everything. Say hello to someone you go to school with or don't know very well, get to know new people and spread your kindness and offer your friendship. Find people who appreciate you for who you are, that's what you deserve and those are the people you should fill your time with. Along with that, focus on you throughout all of this. Treat yourself as you would a friend and don't be afraid to spoil yourself. Do what makes you happy, what makes you feel good like trying on new outfits, experimenting with different styles and hairstyles, paint your nails. Immerse yourself in hobbies you enjoy.

You've went five weeks self-harm free and that's incredible especially considering how your home life is. That in itself shows how strong you are, Susan, you know? I know you're going through a really hard time right now, but keep holding on because the way things are right now won't last forever. You have a future, you have purpose, you matter and you're strong enough to get through this. From the situation you're in and what you wrote, I realize you feel alone, I understand that, but you aren't alone. You have TeenHelp here to support you and like I've told you, you can message me anytime if you feel like talking. I mean that.

Take care, Susan. You can do this, stay strong.
   
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Re: too much - July 3rd 2015, 10:09 AM

i promise you that the people who bully you are not worthy of your attention. And i think that you're someone who's too nice for the people around you.. and you deserve better. And i think that you can overcome this, and all you gotta do is stay strong and spirited. What people say is just that, what they say. How you react to that and overcome that depends on you.

And i'll just say that people who talk shit about other people and bring them down are worse than thrash themselves, and you don't need to listen to them. You are someone who brings hope, who brings light and love to other people's lives, and you're a blessing to the world because of that. Be proud of yourself.

I am sure you deserve better, and things will get better for you. The truly kind people will definitely get happiness, and i for one am sure that you're definitely one of them.

Stay strong. I promise you that i'll always be here for you, and i won't abandon you. *hugs*


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You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: too much - July 5th 2015, 08:48 PM

If what's been happening to you is making you feel this bad, it doesn't matter whether it's officially abuse or not, it needs to stop. And if it's making you feel this bad, then there's a good chance it is a form of abuse. I don't know, I don't know what's going on. But I'd encourage you to reach out to someone for help, whether it's a relative, a friend, a teacher/college professor, someone. You don't deserve to feel this way.

You're so strong. Five weeks without self harm is amazing, and it's amazing regardless of whether or not you slip up. And if you do, it's not the end of the world. You've gone five weeks before, you can do it again.

Take care of yourself.


Join the Skeleton Clique on TH
Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!

Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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Re: too much - July 5th 2015, 11:45 PM

I am not in a position to move out, I wish I were. I happen to have no relatives I can talk to, and though I do have friends, none of them are in a position to let me stay over or anything of that sort.

I tend to be okay while in school. Unless of course, something had carried over from the morning or the night before. As much as I want to go out and make friends, and I have done that to an extent, I can't seem to get close. I have social anxiety and been managing it but the hurt from home and from my past experiences (in general) carries over and haunts me. It is so hard to be social when you're thinking that you're a bad person and a burden to people, and obnoxious and not good enough. When my dad tells me I will never make friends or he calls me names there's that need to withdraw after so many thoughts play in my head and thinking it must be true.

I have friends, but I need constant reassurance they won't leave me and I'm sure they're tired of that by now. Especially because I'm all over the place emotionally and they don't deserve that.
   
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Re: too much - July 6th 2015, 02:12 AM

i think that everyone needs reassurance that they'll never be abandoned. and i think its time you let go of your past, and what your past has done is convince you that you're someone who can and will make friends.

Your dad is someone who's temperamental, and there's times where he says things he doesn't mean. Just relax, and know that you can overcome this. Have faith in yourself, relax and have a good time. Believe in yourself!


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rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: too much - July 6th 2015, 03:15 AM

If I were able to let go of my past believe me I would have done it by now. But it just so happens my past is my present. They came home angry and I'm already in trouble the first 5 minutes. I can't believe he is my father. I just can't believe it. It's not possible. I can't believe these people are supposed to be my family. The hate they have on their face. The minute they came home they started making fun of me. My sister and my dad were making fun of me. I don't get it. I want to disappear
   
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Re: too much - July 6th 2015, 10:13 AM

Then its time to just ignore them cause you deserve better than them. really good family members shouldnt emotionally abuse their own sibling/daughter.

*hugs* you deserve better than this, and you'll find people who treat you nicely. things will work out for you!


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rant to me if there's anything!

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screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: too much - July 8th 2015, 05:35 AM

You deserve nothing but happiness in this world.
   
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Re: too much - July 12th 2015, 08:26 PM

It's really hard to ignore. I've been doing anything I can think of to keep busy: cleaning my room, making jewlry, internet, reading, writing, drawing, walking, cooking etc etc It's just so hard sometimes. Thank you everyone who replied.
   
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Re: too much - July 13th 2015, 08:10 AM

sometimes rather than thinking bout it and how to avoid it, its best to face your problem head on and overcome it if you can empower yourself to think positively and never give up, you'll definitely be able to overcome this. I believe in you!

hugs!


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rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: too much - July 15th 2015, 04:19 AM

I can't do it on my own. It occurred to me that my family has convinced me that I'm an evil violent monster (their words) but in reality I'm the least violent one. I mind my own business, get attacked, then get told I'm causing problems for reacting. But I think back and can't remember a single time where *I* started the fight.
I'm working on my reaction. I'm trying but they are a pro at triggering me. They know exactly what sets me off. I've mentioned what sets me off in hopes they'd be aware and stop. Well they're aware alright but used it against me. Now they have power because they know my weakness.
I can lock myself in my room for hours and still they find their way. They don't respect my space. I can ask them to leave me alone and they disregard it, saying I'm a violent freak who cries out of nowhere.
I realize I'm not truly violent...I've done things in response to what was done to me and im deeply ashamed but I'm not a violent person. I am working so hard to make things better. I just keep failing at it.
What is there to face? If I dare stand up for myself I get shot down ten times worse. They're stronger than me, and I'm nothing.
At the same time I feel doubtful about my view that I'm in a toxic environment. Maybe I really am the horrible things they said I am. I can't tell. I feel arrogant for even thinking I'm not horrible.
Can't tell if my thoughts are my own or internalized imposed thoughts that I replay.

   
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Re: too much - July 15th 2015, 04:55 AM

here's the problem... some families are like unreasonable, and they do stuff to blame other people. Just remember that you're sweet, and you're nice. And families are supposed to support you, not make you feel bad.

And you certainly aren't what they think you are. And you can be whatever you wanna be. be free, feel free.. and be happy. You're loved, and if your family only wants to make you suffer, then you deserve better than this.

REAL families shower their family members with love and care, not whatever you're getting. And i know that you can get through this. Stay strong!

Block out whatever they say, and know that you can be whoever you wanna be.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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