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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TwistofFate_07 Offline
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Name: Ashley
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I don't want to be here anymore - July 8th 2015, 04:48 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ever since me and my grandma got into an argument the other night, I've been wanting to kill myself. Or at least hurt myself. She just started yelling at me when I was helping her clean out her closet. She called me a bitch and said that she's tired of me 'starting' things with her. She also said that she wished that she would've let the doctors put me in foster care when I was born. So basically she said that she doesn't want me here anymore. Not like a death wish but like she doesn't want me living with her anymore. She always says that and then says that she didn't mean when clearly she does.

There's a whole lot of other stuff going on with me but this is mainly it. I don't know. To be honest I really don't want to die. It's just of tired of this and my life. I don't have it in me tho to actually go through with it, but I wish I did.
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Re: I don't want to be here anymore - July 8th 2015, 05:16 PM

Hi There,

I know what you are going through is really hard right now. But you're 16 and have your whole life to live. You're only stuck with her until you're 18 and then you're free to go wherever you want. Make goals. Try to get out with friends as much as possible. Or just go for walks, visit shopping malls, coffee shops and be out as much as possible. That should help.

Have you talked with a counselor about what you are going through? I think that would be helpful as well.

If you want, you can message me at anytime!

all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

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L4Y Offline
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Re: I don't want to be here anymore - July 8th 2015, 10:55 PM

I'm sorry about the situation between you and your grandmother - family strife can certainly be trying.

The above poster offered some good suggestions. Getting out with friends, etc., can be a great remedy for family issues. If things are bad, is there perhaps someone else you could stay with such as a friend or other family member? Best wishes.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't want to be here anymore - July 11th 2015, 07:38 AM

Hi, Ashley!

I'm really sorry she said this to you, Ashley. I can understand why you'd feel so hurt over what she said, anyone would feel hurt by it. On top of that, you sound like you've already been through so much considering you're living with your grandmother and were almost put into foster care when you were born. You're obviously a really strong person and I know this must be really hard for you, but you can get through this because you've shown that you're a fighter.

Have you sat down with your grandmother and had a conversation about this? Communication and talking to her about this might help her realize the effect her words have on you. Kindly express your feelings and mention that you don't see how she couldn't mean what she says if she says it so often. Letting her in on your thoughts and feelings and seeing what she has to say about it could be rather beneficial.

You mentioned that while the arguments with your grandmother is the main thing upsetting you, there's still lots of other things? I was wondering if you'd like to talk about anything else bothering you? Getting things off your chest can help a lot and we're happy to listen. On that note, is there anyone in your life you can talk to, such as another family member, friend, school counselor or therapist? Having support and someone to talk to could help a lot.

Having ways to get away when you feel overwhelmed is a good idea. Such as being able to go for walks to clear your thoughts, or watching a movie with a favorite hot beverage or snack. Treating yourself to spoils and relax time is a good idea! Occupying yourself with hobbies you enjoy, along with having healthy outlets (like poetry, story-writing, music, art, photography etc) could help a lot. Another idea that may be very therapeutic is to keep a journal and write down your thoughts, feelings and things going on in your life. Journaling is a healthy outlet and way to express yourself rather than keeping it all inside. You could also start a blog here!

In the meantime, I suggest using Sammie's ideas if possible. Having places to go and being able to get out of the house and away from the negativity of arguments is healthy. Could you spend time with a friend at their house, and perhaps sleep over sometimes? Or is there any other family members you could stay with if these arguments get worse? You deserve to be treated better by someone who sees your worth, because you are worth it no matter how your grandmother makes you feel.

The fact that you have a thought of suicide and wish you were able to go through with it definitely shows you're having a hard time, and I'm really sorry for that, Ashley. But I'm also really glad that you don't truly want to die. That proves you have hope somewhere which is a wonderful thing, so hold on to that hope and never let it go. I imagine you must be going through a lot and I can see that none of this is easy for you, but keep holding on because you have a lot ahead of you. You're 16 and there's a lot of life ahead of you, and so many good experiences. So always keep in mind that the mean things your grandmother says to you isn't true. I bet you're a kind person that has so much to offer. Don't lose sight of all your great qualities and unique traits about you, okay?

You can send me a message anytime you like, Ashley. I don't mind talking with you, even if you just feel like venting, I'm always happy to listen. Take care of yourself and stay strong. You can do this, don't doubt yourself.

Last edited by DeletedAccount11; July 11th 2015 at 10:38 AM.
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