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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: Courtney Winchester
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: Neverland

Posts: 26
Join Date: January 7th 2014

im done... - July 13th 2015, 11:13 PM

About a month ago i tried to kill myself, i took a bunch of tablets, self harmed and was pretty much ready to go, the whole time i was doing it my cousin was texting me and you know trying to get me to stop, she rang my dad and he came over and took me and my little brother to his house, he cleaned my arms up talked to me for awhile, i went to sleep for a little bit, i kinda hoped i wouldn't wake up, but i did. My dads friend is a nurse so she came round and sorted my arms out and I started to tell people, not everyone but some and then after awhile it was like it was forgotten, but i still haven't stopped wanting to kill myself, and recently my cousin, the same one who helped me also took a bunch of pills, i told her mum and she took her to the hospital, i mean yeah i was angry at her but i was also angry with my dad, and everyone else for not taking me to the hospital, i don't exactly know why, but it just feels like people didn't care as much when i tried, even my mum never asked if i was okay, i mean she's the one who caused it, she sent me a text saying sorry, do you know how many sorry texts i've gotten of that woman, all i know is if my daughter tried to kill herself because of me i wouldn't have an argument with her and tell her it was her fault, i'm just bored of being me, of life i really don't want to be here anymore, i have had enough, i'm tired of being in pain all the time.
   
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Re: im done... - July 14th 2015, 01:11 AM

Hi, Courtney!

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. You were obviously and still are in a dark place to attempt suicide. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but I am really glad you reached out here. To me, that shows you have some hope inside. Can I ask if anything in particular made you start feeling so low to attempt suicide, does it have to do with your mom? Is there something you would like to open up about? We're here to listen.

After overdosing, regardless of having a nurse clean up your arms, I do agree that you still needed to go to the hospital to get everything checked out. On that note, I still suggest seeing a doctor to make sure everything is okay. Your dad may not have wanted to take you to the hospital for quite a few different reasons, and I highly doubt that the reason is because he didn't care about you. I imagine he loves you more than you think. I think he showed that by talking to you for awhile after your suicide attempt.

Have you asked him why he didn't take you to the hospital, like if there was a reason behind it? I suggest asking him. You never know unless you hear it from him. Your dad also seemed to be rather understanding as he cared for you when you attempted. Could you open up to him now about your suicidal feelings, along with your other feelings? You're allowed to express yourself and share your feelings. I'm sure he wouldn't mind listening and trying to help you. On the subject of reaching out, I highly recommend opening up to someone. Perhaps you could share these feelings with your cousin? She seems to be struggling with suicide and maybe it would help a lot if the two of you could support each other towards recovery and hold on for each other. Having support from a trusted adult is also a good idea, rather it be a family member, teacher, school counselor, therapist etc.

Some people tend to show their love in the wrong ways, or not show it at all, but I do believe that both your mom and dad love you more than you know. Your cousin also. She texted you the whole time and got you help, that shows she was really worried for you and wanted you to be okay. I also hope she's okay too since her suicide attempt. I understand why you'd feel angry, but I'm really glad you called her mom - you did the right thing.

You have to be feeling extremely low and fed up with everything going on in your life to be giving up this way. But I really want to reassure you that you're only 17, Courtney, you've got your whole life ahead of you and these dark times are not everything life is. There will be happy days again. You have your future and you can shape it how you want, be who you want to be and explore all types of new adventures in life. Isn't that amazing? Make goals and a list of things you want to experience. Sort of like a list of reasons to live. You have a lot ahead of you, and the hard times only strengthen you. I realize none of this is easy for you, but always keep fighting and don't give up on yourself. You're worth more than the way you feel right now.

Hope this helped. You're welcome to continue posting and you can also message me if you need. Stay strong and never stop holding on, Courtney, okay? You can do this.
   
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