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My friend is not ok and I can't help her - July 15th 2015, 04:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My friend is suicidal. She's tried to kill herself a couple of times before, and would be dead if I hadn't stopped her. But now she's grounded by her abusive parents, with no driving privileges. She spends all her time in her room unless her boyfriend or I drive her somewhere (I don't have the gas money to do this often). She is hopeless, self harming badly, and more depressed then I've ever seen her. Every time I see her I think its the last time. How can she get through the summer and the last year of high school? She is going to a psychiatrist but it doesn't help, if her parents find out she's cutting they'll have her committed, and I'm going to be gone for a month at the same time her bf is gone for a week. I'm in a bad place too and at a loss for how to help her. She wont come with me to the crisis center in town, because she thinks her parents will find out.
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Re: My friend is not ok and I can't help her - July 15th 2015, 07:00 PM

Hey there.

First off, welcome to TeenHelp. I'm very sorry to hear about how your friend is doing. I can understand the pain and worry of seeing someone you care about go through such a dark time. How are you doing through all of this? I imagine none of this can be easy for you. Your concern and worry shows what a caring person and friend you are. Your friend is very lucky to have you in her life, you know?

That's great that you've been encouraging her to seek help, along with trying to convince her to come with you to the crisis center. Are there any support groups in your area that she could go to? Do you know why the psychiatrist she's seeing doesn't help? For some, they have to see a few different professionals before they find one who helps them. Because the helpfulness does depend on how well you get along with the professional, how comfortable you feel about opening up to them, and of course, if their advice is personally helpful. Perhaps you could remind her of that and encourage her to see a different psychiatrist?

You can also refer your friend here to TeenHelp. Explain the site and let her know she can make an account if she wishes. She can post a thread in the forums seeking support and advice, and she can submit a ticket to the HelpLINK system. The HelpLINK system is an anonymous system done via email, only HelpLINK Mentors and staff members with access can view the tickets. Along with a few members that are part-time staff and have access. It's very private. There's also Live Help which is a live chat between the caller and an operator. She can call in when it's online and talk to an operator about what's going on. TeenHelp isn't a replacement for professional help since we aren't professionals, but it can be an extremely safe, therapeutic place to be as other members who have gone through similar things can offer support, advice and their friendship.

When possible, do your best to continue encouraging her to seek help from any possible resources of getting help. There's a list of people she can go to for help (here,) and here's a list of hotlines your friend can call. She has to be willing to help herself, but the support of others around her will help her so much if she accepts it.

There's a thread with a list of alternatives to self-harm here. You might could print it out and give to her if possible. It's a list of things to do when having urges to self-harm, along with a list of distractions when feeling sad, depressed, angry etc. That list could be rather helpful to her. There's also lots of articles on depression and suicide (here), abuse (here) and self-harm (here) that may help your friend. Can you suggest an idea to her? The idea is making a list of reasons to live, similar to this list put together by the members of TeenHelp, but a more personalized one that suits her hopes, dreams and goals. Hopefully it'll remind her of what she wants to achieve and experience, therefore reminding her there's a lot to live for. Perhaps you could give her a journal to write down her feelings. Journaling can be incredibly therapeutic.

Is it possible for your friend to come live with you until she finishes school and finds a job? Staying with her abusive parents sounds like it's understandably causing her to sink further into her depression. If she can't stay with you, does she have any other family members, friends to stay with? Or can she stay with her boyfriend?

In the meantime, the best thing you can do is encourage her to seek help and be there for her when you can. You're already doing a lot by driving her when you can, and stopping her from going through with suicide. All of this reminds her that someone cares and is there for her. There's a few other simple things you could do that'd help her a lot, might sound silly but it could keep her hopeful. You could make or buy a friendship bracelet or necklace, and give her her half. When she's wearing it, she can simply look at it when she feels like ending her life and be reminded she has a friend in the world that cares. You could make neat notes with colorful markers and glitter glue of inspirational quotes, and give to her and she could put them up in her room. Something else that may help, is to text her words of hope whenever possible. Simple things like, "thinking of you, hope you're okay." And "hold on, everything will be okay. There's always a rainbow after the storm."

You're a wonderful friend for simply caring this much. You obviously have a caring heart and I definitely think you should continue checking on your friend and reminding her to keep fighting. Just know that through all of this, you can only do your best, it's up to her to seek help with the support she has (her boyfriend and you). So make sure to remind yourself that what she's going through isn't your fault, that you can only do so much. Along with that, make sure that you're taking care of yourself as well. Your emotional health matters too. Always remember that you probably help her so, so much more than you realize. You simply caring for her lets her know that someone in the world cares and thinks of her, that she does matter, even if she doesn't feel she does.

Hope this helped, I also really hope your friend's situation improves and that she feels better soon. I'll be praying for her. Write back and let us know how both you and your friend is doing, I'm very interested and staying hopeful that she holds on. You stay strong too, okay? Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
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Re: My friend is not ok and I can't help her - July 15th 2015, 09:47 PM

See if there is some medication she can take, I've gone through similar things with suicide. I know how it feels when you have nothing else in the world to live for. I used to be like that a few months ago, but my friends made me feel better, because they made my life all the worthwhile to live for.

Having a friend is great, and she may need you more than ever, no matter the case, always comfort her and tell her how much she means to you as a friend. Thats the best thing in life, having the people you care about near you.

Take care,
hope she feels better,
there is always light in the world
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Re: My friend is not ok and I can't help her - July 15th 2015, 10:35 PM

Hi there.

I am sorry to hear that your friend is suicidal. It must be really hard for the both of you to be going through this but you sound like a wonderful friend as your trying to be there to support them as much as you can do which has even resulted in you coming here asking us for help.

It's great you've stopped her from killing herself in the past and I know that must mean a lot to you but at the same time I think it's important for you to know that this is also not all your responsibility. Your friend is in control of her own actions and as hard as it, if she's going to do something, she will find a way some how. But you've been a great friend to be there for her and stop he in the past and be proud of yourself for that.

Does anyone know about her abusive parents? I know this would be really hard with her so maybe you or someone else could support her with it but maybe she could talk to someone about what's going on? We're always here to help you both but maybe her telling an adult in "real life" would be helpful too. People around her who can stop this action from happening. Your friend doesn't deserve this to be happening to her which I know you'll know, and people can help stop this but only if people know what is going on.

Iits great you and her boyfriend drive her places to help her get out. Maybe after she' been ungrounded, she can look into going to groups etc? Just to help get her out of the house and to keep her busy. These can be to do with things she is interested in or they can be support groups for people who struggle with similar issues to her. I know i go to one support group and find it really helpful and beneficial and would encourage others to do the same.

Again, her self harming is down to her. She's the only person who can stop her self but she has to want to stop self harming and she has to be in the right place to stop self harming. But encourging her to reach out for help might be beneficial how ever I am aware you struggle yourself and want you to know you can put yourself first at any point and and take a step back. You can even tell an adult if you feel that would be the best action to take. It's down to you, okay?, I can imagine its scary to think that every time you see her it's going to be the last and if you want to talk about how you feel, we're here t listen to you too.

You say she's seeing a psychiatrist. Could she speak to a teacher, a school counselor, a doctor or a therapist instead or as well as? Having these people to talk to can be really helpful and just sharing the problem can be helpful. Maybe she doesn't feel very comfortable with her psychiatrist and doesn't tell them the truth and if she doesn't tell them the truth then they can't really help her. She has to be honest with people to get the help that she needs but she has to want the help too. Her having a list of hotlines to call while you're away may be a good idea. Of a list of people she can go to with a list of distractions and alternatives to self harm to help her through that time.

I know this is all really hard on you too so don't suffer in silence. I hope things with you friend turn out okay but remember you can refer her to us too. We'll do anything that we can do to help you both. Neither of you are alone in this. Stay strong and keep fighting.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: My friend is not ok and I can't help her - July 18th 2015, 02:11 PM

I agree with the above poster who suggested possibly letting someone in on your friend's abusive parents. This is no doubt intesifying her depression and I feel someone should step in if you feel it is necessary.

Is there possibly someone - a mutual friend or other family member - that your friend could stay with while you and her boyfriend are away? In any event, I wish you and her well and hope the situation can be improved.
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