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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I am going to give up. Soon. - July 18th 2015, 08:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am about to literally just give up. For YEARS i have told myself that i am some monster. And from the past, it seems to be this way. Lets start with the depression, which came from online relationships, believe it or not. I was negative, i told myself "your just some ugly, fat, useless cow that nobody will ever date" at my school. So, i went online, only to be hurt, and sadly i even hurt others. And i feel horrible about that. I am better off dead for always messing something up, or hurting someone :-(. I always can seem to make a small situation into a battlefield, and i never stop dwelling on past mistakes i have made which dont allow me to move on or be happy. Next, lets tak about the messed up part. I used to be really dark when i was depressed. Honestly to the point, that i became obsessed withNazis, Communism, Terrorists and bad stuff like that. And before i knew it i was taking my knowledge of these awful things and starting threatening people who hurt me online with these such things. And i know this was F***ED UP and i absoutely HATE MYSELF for ever believing in these horrible things. You may ask WHY and thats because i was so depressed and mad and upset it drove me to the point where i needed something darker to threaten people with. And i will never forgive myself for doing something this bad, and yet thats not all! Then comes the Masturbation and Pornography problems. This is the HELL of my life. Masturbation... alters my mind and honestly makes me feel guilty and even MORE depressed. When i Masturbate i end up losing interest in everything. And im even trying to become a good Christian, yet i cant stop being sexual! Everything i do i fail at, i have no friends barely at all, the only thing i love and trust is my family. I feel so confused i dont even know what to think anymore about ANYTHING. I feel like i am better off dead as nobody wants some horrible no good filthy pig in their life like me. I am just sorry about everything... i feel so sorry but yet its not enough :'-( im just done. all i ever wanted was someone to love. Some girl, that i could hold, and tell her i love her and make her the happiest girl in the world. Just to put a smile on her face everyday and make her feel wanted. But im just such a mess up... i dont deserve something like that, i i deserve to burn in enternal hell. :'-( please dont get mad at me or hate me... i dont know if anyone can understand what im dealing with but im scared, confused, and just lost. :'-( i just want to feel again... i want to feel love. I want God and Jesus' love...i just want to move on from all the awful events in the past, but i am not letting myself move on, because i see myself as someone who deserves to be hurt :"-( Whoever is reading this, Thank you, and God bless you!

Last edited by ThatRandomTurkey; July 18th 2015 at 08:55 AM.
   
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Re: I am going to give up. Soon. - July 18th 2015, 03:50 PM

The main problem you're facing is caused by what you think about yourself. You need to stop thinking of yourself as someone who deserves to suffer, and know that you deserve better than this. And to be honest, i think that its better if you forget the past, move on to the future, and make friends who will appreciate you, care for you, and heal your wounds. Masturbation, porn or whatever are things that many guys and girls do on a daily basis, and you shouldnt chastise yourself for doing anything like that. This is because you are who you are. Believe in yourself, and whoever told you those stupid words oughta get their brain checked.

You're someone with potential, and you're someone who can make the world better for other people. so don't discount yourself. You are better than you think you are. And you do deserve that girl!

Think positively and the world will start to change for you. be brave!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I am going to give up. Soon. - July 20th 2015, 02:25 AM

Just know someone out there cares about you and loves you and that someone is me
Talk to me
I'm here for you
   
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Re: I am going to give up. Soon. - July 21st 2015, 12:20 AM

You are a beautiful person<3 I forgive you for the mistakes you made. I've made some truely awful mistakes in the past too,but I've been cleansed. Jesus loves you so much and the moment you put your faith in him and ask for forgiveness it is given Satan will try to bring up your past to hinder you moving forward but tell him to back off! You are forgiven and you should move on^^ PM me if you ever wanna talk.

I'm always here for you! Everyone on this site loves you! You are loved!
   
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Re: I am going to give up. Soon. - July 21st 2015, 02:57 AM

i know that in the bible it says not to look on things the things of the past but to look towards the future. God made plans for you before you were born. he thought about you while he was on the cross. your not a mistake. you were put on this earth for reason. God never makes mistakes, making you was definitely not one of them. you were and are a blesssing. were humans we make mistakes, were not perfect dont be so hard on yourself. Without God our hearts are evil, thats how we were born into the world, but God is so merciful so graceful and so loving. despite who you are, God has very high thoughts of you and loves you so much! and as a child of christ i only want to say that i love you too as a person, i see your pain, and God most definitely sees it too. God wants to know you from the inside out, he wants to examine your heart, free you from the pain you have and give you a light to follow, him (: your so much more trust me, trust God when i say that. Honestly all you have to do is confess to the lord and say "Lord i want to repent, i confess that i am a sinner, and i believe you were raised from the grave and died for our sins, and that you are my lord and saviour. its as simple as that (: and thn after that ask him to come into your heart. God works in mysterious ways..i wanna tell you right now that im at a library..random right?..i got a random thought to just want to give advice and was brought to this website..everything happens for a reason, God is reaching out to you. most importantly dont be discouraged if something doesnt happen immediately it takes time..God has PERFECT timing, so patience is key. try to get in touch with a church near you as well (: God bless i hope you feel better. trust in God and pray and i promise you, you will see a change.
   
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Re: I am going to give up. Soon. - July 21st 2015, 03:00 AM

oh and one more thing, the lord with change you from the inside out, your not a monster (: the lord is very forgiving no sin can over come his love
   
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