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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MyVisionIsDying Offline
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Not myself anymore. What's the point? - July 23rd 2015, 01:45 AM

Well, I never thought I'd find myself posting here but I can't bottle up everything forever, so let me get this vent over and done with.

To put it plainly, what's the point in even trying anymore?
Why should I try when I get it all thrown back in my face again?
But I've tried, I really have.
I've tried to rekindle my interests but I can't, I just can't. Why? Because I can't do them, I can't do anything because I'm so useless.
Watching my favourite YouTubers doesn't appeal to me, I used to watch them religiously before- their videos helped me get through school, they were a saving grace and hell, I couldn't even meet them last September at a convention because of course, with every action comes a consequence and I'm the prime target.
Everything seems to happen to me, because everything is my fault.
I'm not myself anymore.
I don't know how long my love for anime, games and so few movies will last.

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of seeing people from school go on to achieve things and I'm stuck here going absolutely nowhere because I. Am. Nothing.
I am a failure. I bailed out on trying to get a future because I'm a coward.
How can I go on like this? Stuck, paralyzed, frozen in place.

Mum's been asking if I'm alright. I can't go on telling her that "I'm fine." because that's not cutting it.
I don't want to worry her, I want to be strong for her (I'm so dependent on her and I don't want to worry her).
I hardly go to dad's anymore because it's hardly fun, I don't even have proper conversations with dad because what's the point?
I'm not myself anymore.

I'm drowning in anger and fear and I can't swim to the surface.
I want everything to stop. Forever.
What's the point in trying anymore? Why?




The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Dan11 Offline
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Re: Not myself anymore. What's the point? - July 23rd 2015, 01:58 AM

I know you hear this so much but your are worth so much and you have a lot to live for. You are loved by your family and by many people on this site.

You have made many people on this site feel better about themselves and that's is one of the best things you can ever do. You are a beautiful person who deserves to live life to the full

PM me if you wanna talk
I'm here for you whenever you need someone.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Not myself anymore. What's the point? - July 23rd 2015, 03:47 AM

You have a future to look forward to! Don't give up so easily just yet!
   
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Re: Not myself anymore. What's the point? - July 23rd 2015, 11:53 PM

Hi, Shane!

Sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way but I'm glad you reached out by posting this and venting. Letting your feelings and thoughts out somewhere is really important! Even though this is a vent, I hope it's still okay for me to offer my thoughts and advice?

Do you have a journal? Journaling can be really helpful as you have an outlet and a private place to express all your feelings, thoughts and events going on in your life. Alternatively, you could also blog here on TeenHelp! Certain hobbies allow you to express yourself, such as creative writing, crafts, art and music for example. Do you think it'd help to take up a musical instrument or different, new hobbies? Sometimes when you lose enjoyment of things you used to like, exploring new hobbies provides opportunities to find things you're passionate towards which could be really refreshing and helpful right now.

Since your mom has been asking if you're alright, she must notice that you're not quite yourself and she's probably worried about you. You're really caring for not wanting to worry your mom, but that doesn't mean you have to pretend everything's okay, you know? She's your mother, she's going to worry because you're her son and she loves you. That's why I'm sure she'd be more than happy to listen and offer her support to you if you were to open up about how you've been feeling. I think it'd be a really good idea to do so because you don't deserve to have to go through this alone. Having her support could really help and you don't have to always be okay all the time. You're strong in the simple act of opening up.

Why do you feel there's no point in having proper conversations with your dad? Would you feel comfortable also talking to him about how you've been feeling? Perhaps you could implement new ideas in the time that you spend with him so that it feels more fun for you. Such as changing up the usual routine by suggesting that the two of you do a hobby together, go to a new place to eat or go out for a bit, you know? Just new ideas for the two of you to spend time together.

How about thinking of ways you could make your future a happy one, a future you want? For example, maybe a hobby you enjoy could turn into a future career. Setting goals and making plans for your future could be very motivational. You could make a list of goals you want to achieve and take steps in working towards them whenever you're faced with the opportunity. You aren't a failure at all, Shane. You do have a future and a lot more potential than you realize. Focus on what you want out of life, and put your effort into achieving that. As long as you're happy with the things you've done, then you shouldn't be comparing other people's achievements to yours, you know? What matters is if you're content in what you're doing, and that's what you should work for. Being you and being happy in your life. I believe you can achieve that as long as you believe in yourself. You deserve to be happy and you've helped so many others, so just keep holding on, okay?

Hope I helped a little. I know you're going through a hard time but things will get better and in the meantime, TeenHelp is here for you to lean on. Don't forget that and feel free to continue posting anytime. You can also message me if you need someone to talk to, even if it's just a vent. I don't mind at all. Take care of yourself and stay strong, Shane. You can do this.
   
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Re: Not myself anymore. What's the point? - July 24th 2015, 10:44 AM

You are only a coward if you think you are. But i reassure you, you're better than what you think you are. No bailing out on your future and no bailing out on whatever makes you happy because your happiness is important, and you are loved and cared for. If certain doors aren't open for you, look for other doors. That way you'll get to earn happiness your own way, and trust me .. you deserve happiness and you deserve to be happy and loved.

Never think otherwise. You can overcome all of this and none of this is your fault. you are an extremely nice guy and that's why people push everything on you because they don't know how tough it is. We care about you.

Now get out there and say "nothing can stop me " because when it comes down to it, the only barrier that we have is our own mind. If our own mind is a boost to us, then there's nothing we can't beat.Nothing we can't achieve.

HUGS!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Not myself anymore. What's the point? - July 24th 2015, 03:46 PM

Hey there Shane!
It sounds like you have a lot going on in your mind as well as stressful surroundings. Thinking you're not yourself anymore can be especially tough because it feels like you're lost forever. I too have had these thoughts, and I can understand how devastating and difficult to cope with them are.

But I also want to make a point that feeling this way can change, your perception can change. You can feel yourself again. I know it's hard to believe when you're feeling so down, but it's true.
Something I do when I'm feeling like I suck at everything is that I imagine myself doing the activity with a child. If a child makes a mistake, we don't yell at them, we are patient and understanding. So why can't we be the same with ourselves, you know? No one is born knowing everything. We all have strengths and weaknesses and just because you appear to be weak, doesn't mean you are. It just means your weaknesses are tested more, and you're somehow in a more vulnerable situation. I know for me, I am very vulnerable in social situations and can easily be judged as clumsy and awkward. But that doesn't mean I should avoid every social situation or how would I ever learn to do better?

The good news is that skills are learnable. So what if you're not good at something? You're still human and unique and deserve compassion. You may take a snail's pace to learn something but then once you do, you'll own it and no one can take that away from you.
This is going to sound counter intuitive but hear me out. You say you're trying so hard and it gets blown in your face? I have felt the same exact way. I've learned though that on these days to take it slow and not try so hard. I'm not saying to give up. But I'm just saying to not think about it too much and let go as much as you can. Maybe take a walk, read something, clean your room. Something light and doable, effortless (relatively) and something you know you can succeed in. I'm not saying to think positive, but to just think neutral rather than negative. Making your bed for instance is a good place to start. Maybe helping your mom out with housework chores or play a board game with someone. Something that helps you get yourself out of your mind a little. I'm not saying you'll be up in the air and love what you're doing but maybe you can build yourself up slowly again.

Another thing you can do what you used to love to do but don't anymore anyways So if you enjoy that youtuber, watch them anyway and if you get overwhelmed, think about what you'd rather do instead. Maybe there's a recommended video nearby and just freely explore random videos. Maybe you'll find a new youtuber you'll like.

I say this because sometimes "telling" isn't as good as "showing" because the power of showing is that you get to see it with your own eyes. So I hope doing small daily things can show you differently and change the way you see things if even for a short while.

Your mother sounds concerned so if you feel comfortable you can open up to her. I know you don't want to worry her but the worry will grow if you're not open about it. Don't suffer alone and isolated and in silence, you don't deserve that. If you are on good terms with her then see if the next time she asks if you're alright, you tell her no and maybe have a heart to heart conversation about it. It may help to know someone cares like that.
   
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