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Lumberjack Offline
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Feeling Unbelievably Mediocre - July 26th 2015, 02:39 AM

Hey so for quite a while now I've just felt really average/mediocre/whatever word you want to use. I'm fairly confident with myself in most ways but since high school I honestly don't really have any friends. I have a few people I talk to now and then but they come and go and it doesn't feel like a real friendship. I have to initiate any sort of physical interaction, otherwise my few guy friends and I just text every now and then and say "hey wanna play X game?" There's one friend in particular who lives close and we'd hangout every few days for months until I decided I just wasn't going to ask him first. We ended up not hanging out for 3 months until I asked him again and he actually asked me why we hadn't hung out in so long... It definitely doesn't feel good at all to always be the one to start any communication with someone else. I feel like I'm being a loser to text him first every time.

The few girls I talk to, I talk to few and far between and when I do I feel like I'm boring to text and I worry about saying the wrong thing and nothing comes from it. I like hanging out with being, just being with someone else brings me joy no matter what we're doing but I always worry about being boring and uneventful. I'm honestly the type of person where I text when I have a reason. For me, I'll ask them how they're doing because I honestly care how they're doing and I've been thinking about them. Then I say we should do something soon. For a lot of people it seems like it's just a nicety to say "we should hang out sometime it's been soooo loooong!" but to me I honestly want to see them asap because I miss them and think it'd be sweet to see them again and do something fun! Then I get into the loop again of having to initiate everything, every time. It constantly happens when people tell me they've been really busy with work (which they have been) and they'll let me know when they're free. Then social media just makes it worse seeing them going out and here I am feeling like a second-rate friend as obviously they have had free time but decided to do those other things instead of doing something with me or inviting me.

It just feels like I'm socially stagnant and I don't know how to remedy it. I get that a lot of what I've said has to do with my own insecurities - I just hope someone has some advice on how to overcome this plateau?

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Re: Feeling Unbelievably Mediocre - July 26th 2015, 04:36 AM

Don't worry about being uneventful if someone likes you for who you are then they are a true friend try to surround yourself with this type of person. hope you feel better
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Re: Feeling Unbelievably Mediocre - July 26th 2015, 08:27 AM

Hey there!

Firstly, I understand why your situation would make you feel the way you feel and also cause your insecurities. When you have friends, it can feel upsetting and start making your mind wander in a negative direction when you always have to be the one to text first and also be the first to ask them about hanging out. None of that makes you a loser or boring but I'm sorry you feel that way, though. Sometimes we can enjoy the presence of certain people, but we don't truly click with them as we don't have much to relate to or much in common. Have you tried forming more of an emotional bond with the people in your life so that maybe you feel more connected with them, therefore finding more conversation flow? Sharing a few small personal things or stories (if there's comfort and trust in telling that person) can result in them doing the same. Along with talking about hobbies or interests you enjoy as that creates the opportunity to have more to talk about.

I'd like to point out that there's lots of possibilities behind why your friends may not text you first. Maybe they have trouble initiating hanging out for a variety of different possible reasons or they've gotten used to expecting you to text first. Could you bring this up with the people you still do hang out with sometimes? In any friendships, you're allowed to voice how certain things make you feel - such as having to be the first to initiate any communication. That obviously bothers you and some benefit could come out of talking to your friends about that so that they can possibly reassure you and/or share why they wait for you to contact them first.

If this keeps up or if you do talk to them about it and there's no changes, then it might be a good idea to put effort into meeting new friends. Such as getting to know co-workers or other students (if you're in college) and also volunteering as that's a great way to meet new people. I don't know you but I doubt you're boring, and you should have the right people in your life that appreciate who you are and also your company. There's nothing wrong with you, sometimes people just don't click, you know? Hopefully meeting new people will give you a fresh, new perspective and a better experience socially. Don't be afraid to reach out, and don't forget to be yourself. Say what comes to mind, your real thoughts rather than speculating on what you're saying wondering if it's the wrong thing to say. And continue being caring as I can see you are quite caring because you seem to genuinely care how your friends are doing regardless of not speaking to them for awhile. Being yourself is the best way to make true friends because you don't end up with fake friends who only like you for who you're pretending to be. Whereas you'll eventually find friends who are true friends because they appreciate you for who you are, and those are the friends that are worth searching and waiting for.

Hope my reply made sense and helped a little. Best of luck with things. Take care.
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Re: Feeling Unbelievably Mediocre - July 26th 2015, 10:18 PM

As the poster above said, it can be depressing when you always have to be the first to initiate contact with your friends. Honestly, I have similarly experienced much of what you are feeling and I understand how it can get you down.

I'm not sure if I can offer any real advice on how to overcome this (I really haven't found a solution myself), but if you feel your current friendships are not strong, it could be worth considering to attempt some ways to get out and meet new people, such as a community club or league of some kind. Best wishes.
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