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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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How do I get through this? - August 11th 2015, 04:34 AM

When I went Through a severe depression state, I was in my bedroom researching the warning signs of suicide. I found a list of 20 and realized that I showed 17 of them. That concerns me because I know that yes, I have wanted to before but that can't happen. I have big dreams and a family full of love, that I can't leave them. Now a days I'm down to only four of those warning signs. I still get mad at people constantly and want to harm myself, but I need to learn to calm down and not let simple things bother me as much. Do you guys have any advice on how to get completely better on my own, without professional help? I know it would be best to go there, but it's hard to bring my parents into this since I'm only 14. Oh and would it be such a good idea to just let my best friend help me like a teenage counselor?
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Re: How do I get through this? - August 11th 2015, 09:08 AM

Hi, Cheyenne!

I'm sorry you've felt suicidal and still have your struggles with anger and wanting to harm yourself. That must be really hard for you but I see so much positivity in your post also. The fact that you realize and acknowledge the parts of your life worth holding on for is such a wonderful thing. That really is worth holding on for. I'm sure your family loves you so much, and of course, your dreams are important and I bet when you do reach them, everything will just click into place.

As for your question, I imagine there have been people to push through difficult issues without professional help because not everyone can/does seek professional help for a variety of different reasons. However, if you feel you're in a state where you're encouraged to reach out to a professional then it might end up being very beneficial for you in learning helpful ways to cope and combat the issues you're dealing with before these issues have time to progress. And of course, support from your friends and family can have a big positive impact as well. Simply knowing people in your personal life acknowledge your struggles and care and will listen when you need to talk can make you feel a whole lot lighter.

Seeking support from your best friend is not a bad plan but replacing seeing a counselor with her support/advice isn't a good idea for you or her. Because a counselor is much more suited to give you helpful advice, guidance and support. Whereas your friend can only offer kind words, a listening ear and her advice/insight on your issues in the perspective of a friend; not a professional. And depending on her in a way that you would a counselor would be unfair to her as well. But don't be afraid to talk to her as a friend because you deserve a listening ear and comfort. A support system can be beneficial for helping you through your issues and you definitely don't deserve to go through these things alone. The fact that you want to tell someone is wonderful and I encourage you to. Which is why I'd like to know if it's okay if I ask why you don't want to bring your parents into this? Having them know of your struggles could be understandably scary and I can see how it'd be difficult to tell them, but I'd hope they'd be understanding of what you're going through as I imagine they love you very much. Having support at home and being able to talk to your mom and dad when you have negative feelings or feel like hurting yourself could do a world of difference for you.

On the note of opening up about your struggles, you can also confide in people at your school such as your school counselor, a trusted teacher or a coach. Click here, it's a thread that explains who you can go to for help. I realize that you probably have a lot of understandable reasons for not wanting to bring your parents into this and seek professional help but my opinion is that you deserve to have support and be able to seek help. Regardless, you're more than welcome to continue seeking support here as well! So many people can relate and understand, so consider this a safe place for you to talk about your feelings.

Being able to cope with and express your feelings in a healthy and independent way is also important too. There are a lot of ways you can take steps in doing so. Small things can upset and anger us, I'm sure many people can relate and sometimes that means there's unresolved feelings beneath the surface that you have not fully dealt with just yet. However, if the reasons you get mad at people often is caused from certain things they do, say or ways they treat you then you're allowed to voice your feelings towards that. Focus on what triggers you to get angry and try finding better ways of handling that. For example, when you feel yourself getting angry with people, make yourself aware of that and figure out all the reasons why and breathe for a moment. Then think of how you can express those feelings in a calmer way to that person, yet not bottling things up. Communication is important but it's most effective if you're able to get your feelings across in a way that the other person will understand and take in consideration rather than feel frustrated towards the angry approach.

When you feel like harming yourself, try to make it a goal to tackle what is making you want to harm yourself. Like, if it's a low feeling you're experiencing, write down the feeling and rip up the paper. Sort of like you're "letting the negativity go" in a way. Or if something a friend said upset you then try thinking of how you want to express your hurt feelings and talk to them. Resolving the situation and making up with your friend would be a much better outcome than bottling your feelings up and ending up harming yourself, you know? I know it must be hard for you, but you deserve to be happier and healthier. Something else you may find helpful is the self-harm alternatives list. I'm not sure if you've read it yet but it's a big list of things you can do when you feel like self-harming and also alternatives you can use when you feel sad, angry, restless etc.

Overall, occupy yourself with hobbies you enjoy and explore new things to keep your spare time filled with what makes you happy and relieves the stress of your struggles. Try finding ways to express yourself. Such as creative writing, music, crafts, art etc. Keeping a journal to write down your thoughts, feelings and things going on in your life can be a therapeutic outlet. Along with that, do you have a pet? Getting a new pet can be a wonderful experience as it allows you to take care of it, invest your time in the pet and also; companionship. You also may find these articles revolving around information on depression and suicide along with ways to cope/how to open up helpful. As well as these articles on self-harm. They're very well written and can be rather helpful!

At the end of the day, we have control over how we deal with our feelings and what we do to take action against it. The fact that you want to learn ways to help yourself overcome this is great and I hope you always keep that enthusiasm. And if you do end up feeling better and overcoming your struggles with support and resorting to coping skills then that's also really great. But if you end up feeling as your efforts to help yourself aren't working anymore, then don't hesitate on reaching out for professional help because your health matters too and there's never any shame in reaching out. Everyone needs help at some point, you know?

Lastly, I'm sorry this turned out so long and I really hope that none of this made you feel upset and that some of it helped. I realize you must be struggling a lot and that opening up is hard. And you know, simply reaching out here is great and must have taken a lot of courage so that's something you should be proud of for sure. Hope you continue reaching out here! You're a strong person so always keep in sight of your reasons for holding on. You have a future and a purpose, so keep fighting.

I hope things improve for you soon. You're welcome to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to!
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Re: How do I get through this? - August 11th 2015, 03:53 PM

Okay wow thank you so much for that message. It may have been extremely long but I love long ones because it helped me. The reason I don't want to bring my parents into this is because they have found out this year about my self harm issues but I'm over that now and it's been 22 days since my last cut. But it's just that they never understand it. My mom wants to cry and is sad but that doesn't help. I don't want her sympathy, I want her support and help me. This year I had the possibility to go to my school counselor but didn't. Now I regret that because it would've been much easier than other counselors. I know that you might have not really looking for me to reply to that question but I'm answering anyway. I am a songwriter and have me ways to express my emotions so that's why I don't understand why I even wanted to cut. (By the way, I think its because when my depression was worse, I lost interest in music and that made me feel guilty and shameful because that is my big dream.) anyway, I want to thank you so much for wanting to help me. For now, I am just going to stick to support from friends, teenhelp, and other kinds of way without professional help. Just for now, but I will if I don't get better soon. Thank you!!!
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Re: How do I get through this? - August 14th 2015, 02:10 AM

Hi, Cheyenne: First off, I want to congratulate you on working toward a solution to your problems and reducing the warning signs you spoke of. You appear to be very bright and aware that you have much to live for. Those are wonderful tools to have when struggling with depression and suicidal feelings.

In regard to your friend, I think it's a great idea to use the love and support of family and friends to offset depression. If you have someone you trust and who is willing to listen and offer advice, that is a terrific thing to have on your side.

I realize it can be difficult to open up to your parents about such sensitive issues - especially if you feel it would hurt them - but I'm not sure it's a good idea to shut them out completely, either. Perhaps you could sit together with them in a counseling session as a way to help them better understand what you are dealing with. Also, if you are able to see a school counselor and still feel it would be beneficial, that could be something to consider as well. Best wishes.
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