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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jays Offline
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I don't know anymore - August 29th 2015, 03:11 AM

I feel happy sometimes. I am not always depressed and suicidal, But when I am. I just cant seem to grasp onto anything. All i want to do is hide in music and in my room. I want to hurt my self alot of the time. I know i can't though. I will be letting down so many people. Especially my boyfriend. I just can't hurt him. But sometimes when we are fighting (which seems like a lot more lately) all i want to do is hang myself. I am sometimes struggling so hard to find something to hold me to earth. I don't know what comes after, wether hell or a heave, or a paradise, or something else. I just hope its better than the place here. I don't know exactly why i feel so low at times. I know that they have gotten father apart which is a good thing, right? Its just my thoughts are stronger than when they were closer. I was forced earlier this year to give a guy that i thought was a family friend, oral sex. And i just sank. And right before that, my boyfriend shipped out for BMT. And i just felt so isolated. And when he came back a 2 months later i told him, and he broke things off. I was destroyed. He said that he didn't mean it, he was just angry at the guy, but i just can't get over that. I really dislike that he did that. I love him a lot and he left me in a moment of need. And i just can't deal with that properly yet.

I am in 10th grade this year, i am in 2 different honors classes and i dont know many people this year. But then i have pushed many away, I just don't want to do anything to hurt them if that makes any sense. But i am finding Biology really hard. And the kids laughed when i fell the other day and i lost a little bit more dignity then. And i said something stupid the other day and they called me retard and i just ran out of the room. I just can't handle this bull crap anymore. I just want to hide in a hole and die. I just want to jump off the 2nd story at the school, or hang myself in the bathroom. Anything to stop my pain. It just too over whelming.
   
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Re: I don't know anymore - August 29th 2015, 09:54 AM

if i were you i would just not think too much about what other people think. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. And i also think that that you deserve happiness, and you should remember that everyone has their own good qualities that they should be proud of.

So do you.

Everyone has their reason to be happy, and everyone deserves a chance at forgiveness, and everyone deserves a chance to try new things in order to make themselves happy.

So do you.

And more than anything else, everyone needs to forgive themselves, and to look at things from a wider angle. Everyone deserves to smile, and laugh without a worry in the world.

SO DO YOU.

If your boyfriend doesn't listen to the truth, then you deserve better anyway. And i think its time you slowly opened up, and got to know more groups and also learn to immerse yourself in a wide variety of positive interests that will take your mind off the pain and help you be constructive, and be happy.

I know its tough, but its a start. And i know that deep inside, you have the strength to overcome all of this. You are loved.

I'll always be around for you to rant to, and i'll be a friend. You deserve better than to hurt yourself. You deserve plenty of smiles.

Never leaving.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I don't know anymore - August 29th 2015, 02:11 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're feeling so low right now. Depression can be difficult to deal with, but it is always a little easier when we have help and support. Do you have anyone at school you can turn to? A counsellor or a school nurse. It could be a good thing to have someone there to talk to, someone who is impartial and can help you to deal with how you're feeling.

I'm sorry that you were forced to do that. No one should be forced to do anything sexually that they do not want to. Other than your boyfriend, have you told anyone what this family friend's son did? What he did was wrong and should not have happened. Have you thought about telling your parents if you haven't already? I know it's difficult and I know this guy is someone who is a family friend, but it could stop this from happening again or stop this happening to another girl or woman. If your parents are aware of what has happened they could put a stop to you having to see him.

I think your boyfriend didn't act very maturely about what happened to you, but it's good that he changed his mind and hopefully has realised that this is not something you had a choice in and was not something you wanted to happen to you. Maybe if you were seeing a counsellor your boyfriend could also come along to some sessions, it could help him to better understand what happened to you and it could help him to support you better than what he has done in the past.

I hope you seek some help because it sounds like you are going through a lot right now and you shouldn't have to deal with all of this all of this on your own, we all need some support from time to time, and it really does help to open up to someone and talk.

I wish you the best of luck and I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.
Paige


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Deeds not words
   
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Re: I don't know anymore - August 30th 2015, 05:38 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment. While your boyfriend may not have handled your confession the best way, he appears to have realized his mistake and is likely telling the truth when he says he acted out of anger. Many of us tend to not make the best decisions when we are immensely upset. I can understand, however, how you would have trouble letting this go and why your trust in him may be damaged to some degree. Perhaps it would be best to have a talk with him and explain these things. It could be a way to get things out in the open and help you both to further deal with the situation.

As for what has happened at school, this may sound simplistic, but ... people really are just mean sometimes. It does sound as if there are those who wish to get to know you better and perhaps become friends. We sometimes tend to push people away even when we don't want to for various reasons, including the one you mentioned about not wishing to hurt them in any way. Making friends isn't always easy, but if people are reaching out, I think you should respond - even little by little if you find it more comfortable - and see where things go. Best wishes.
   
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