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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I Just Don't See Why Not - March 15th 2016, 02:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My depression is kicking my butt badly all of a sudden.

We have a 20k debt to the hospital for when I was suicidal in December. I should actually probably go again, but can't afford to do it.

All my debts will stop bothering my family if I'm not here anymore. I could get a job for a few months to make the money I need to pay for my funeral.

My last of five ferrets is probably being put to sleep tomorrow and I've had him 7 years. My heart is absolutely broken.


I've actually made plans for suicide for the first time ever. I can't afford a hospital visit. Can hardly afford my psychiatrist who I see next month.

I'm absolutely lost. So freaking lost.
   
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 15th 2016, 03:52 AM

I'm so sad to read this Kelly because I remember you from the old days of TH and know how many people you've helped on here. You don't deserve to feel like this.

Are the debts accumulating interest? Or will they remain at that amount?

If it's the latter, then you really don't need to feel so helpless. You have time to repay the money and in the mean time, don't let it push you to the point of suicide. Your family may not be happy with the debt, but they would be devastated if you ended your life and that was one of the reasons.

Is your psychiatrist worth seeing? I know that they are very expensive and if it's not worth the money then perhaps think about a counsellor instead? I had to make this decision when I realised I needed help a year ago and I chose a counsellor rather than a medical professional because I thought, "Well I know what my issues are, I just really want to work through them with someone understanding." I guess that if you are on medication, or you want to discuss something of that nature, then it is best to stick with a psych, but if it is the actual talking therapy that you are after, an experienced counsellor is adequate. Obviously it's up to you; I'm just trying to save you unnecessary expenditure.

I'm sorry to hear about your ferret as I know how much they've all meant to you. As hard as it is, try to remember that everyone who spends time here on Earth must move on eventually. You have given him or her a wonderful life full of love - what more could an animal want?

You can PM me, anytime. I really don't like knowing you are feeling like this.

Please try to stay strong and take each day at a time.

~ Jasmine


Be kind to yourself.
   
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 15th 2016, 12:57 PM

Kelly

You don't deserve to feel this way, and remember that you deserve better. There's absolutely no reason for you to think about things so negatively, because as much as you're going through bad experiences, sooner or later these tough times will pass and be replaced by better times which will see you smile and be happy. You mean more than just money to your family. Every child is a blessing to their immediate family (and most probably their extended ones too ) and I'm sure that you're a blessing to yours too. Debts can be settled, money can be repaid but your children/sons/daughters are a blessing that you'll only have one of, each. There'll never ever be another you because you're so special, and you can beat this.

I've gone through times where I've had to put my pet to sleep too, and they're painful. But what I know is that we've had all sorts of good times together between my pet and me, and your ferret will certainly be happier if it can see you enjoying a life full of happiness. Pets share a spiritual bond with their owners and a pets love is pure.. the ferret will certainly want to see you happy, so remember that you were responsible , loving and caring. That's how you are, and that's how you'll always will be and that's how a person should be in general.

Don't even think about suicide, because you are so important to your family, friends and us. You can beat this and there's nothing standing in your way except what you think of yourself and how it's affecting your perception of how your future could be. It's what you make of it, and you can improve it so much... depending on your actions, you could even make a million kids smile and of course, make yourself smile a million times.

You could also try seeing a less expensive psychiatrist (being paid more money doesn't mean that the person is better) who's more upfront, or nicer in a way. There's probably quite a few of them around and if you can get a hospital referral or being directed to that someone via a friend or a contact whom you know.

Keep holding on and fighting the fight -It's one you can win. Also, remember that I'll always be around!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 16th 2016, 02:29 AM

Jazzy, we have the option to leave the debt as is and let it go to collections. Or to change it to where it will gain interest but it lowers the minimum required payment. We haven't decided what to do. Thankfully, I'm sort of disposable with my credit, as we use my husband's credit for everything. So it's under my name and we will probably let it go to collections. So it won't ruin our main credit line. It just means, on my own, I can't really be independent.

Right now, my psychiatrist is the best thing happening for me. I also have a counselor on the side that I had before my psych, but I've been pushing off our appointments.

Went to the vet today. Our ferret is actually doing all right. He was mostly dehydrated (we now have to do weekly visits for fluids). But otherwise he is doing well. So that was a relief. I thought I had come to terms with having to let him go, but I guess when it comes down to it, it terrifies me. He's our last ferret, so it kind of feels like an entirely new beginning for us. My husband and I have had ferrets since we have been together. It just feels so weird imagining us without them.



Yoshi,

Since my ferret seems to have a little while left, we're going to do a 'bucket list' for him. Spoil him like mad.

Also, I very much like my psychiatrist. I've been through near ten of them in my life. She is by far the most understanding and actually listens to my concerns and thoughts on my medications and treatment. By no means does she let me 'rule' my treatment. But if I tell her I worry about being on benzos due to past abuse, she listens and we talk things over. She also usually spends an extra 15 minutes with me and talks to me about the main things bothering me without charging me for a talk session (I mainly see her for meds and have a very inexpensive counselor on the side).



I feel better today. Not great, but better. I decided to be a bit preemptive today and take my as-needed anxiety pill around the clock today to help me since last night was bad and it seems to have done the job. I'll see how I do tomorrow morning without it, but it's good to know it works if I need it tomorrow.

I emailed my counselor and asked to speak to him sooner, though. Since he's more affordable and my meds have worked up until last night. I think maybe I just need to get stuff off my chest. So we're having a call in a couple days.

Thank you both for your help and wonderful replies.

   
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 16th 2016, 04:03 AM

Hey Kelly.

The debt situation is better than it could be. I realise that it's not ideal as you will have to rely on your husband for credit in the future, but at least the numbers won't keep getting bigger and bigger until repayment becomes impossible.

Really glad to hear that your ferret is going to be okay!

As for the psychiatrist, if seeing him/her is working for you then totally stick with it. Your health is the most important thing right now.

I am glad that you posted tonight and hope that you are feeling a tiny bit better. You can PM me at any time.

~ Jasmine


Be kind to yourself.
   
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 16th 2016, 05:30 AM

Kelly. Please don't do this.

your debt will not go away as soon as you die. in fact, that will make things harder on your family. The way hospitals work, just because someone they treated dies out side of their care doesn't mean they drop the charges. they still put chemicals, time, nurses, and other such things that cost a lot to them into you. they need to pay for all that as well as their staff. Your death will only hurt those around you. besides, suicide is just a change of scenery. you can't get rid of you.

suicidal thoughts will always be there. "it's be better if you were gone." "no one will miss you." stupid lame ass things like that. well guess what? I will miss you. I haven't even met you and already I know your a wonderful person who I want to be friends with. it's not better if your gone. You can't get rid of you. and part of you are the every day emotions you fight.

there was a story I read in third grade. it's lame, but it's also very cool. there was a man once, who had discovered a butterfly chrysalis in his back yard. as carefully as he could he took the chrysalis back to his home so he could care for it. not long after the butterfly began to emerge. He sat and watched for nearly an hour as the butterfly poked a small hold into the chrysalis and began slowly squeezing himself out. the man soon felt sorry for the poor creature as he saw the butterfly appear to get stuck. he decided to help this creature but getting a pair of scissors and cutting the rest of the cocoon open. the butterfly fell from the cocoon, and began to dry it's small wings.
to the man's disappointment however, the butterfly did not survive more than a week or so. what the man could not have known, was that the purpose of the small hole for the butterfly to crawl through was to squeeze all the juices from the body, into the wings, there for allowing the wings the weight needed to carry the butterfly into flight. the man's butterfly, however, would not know such happiness and would live a short and painful life. "sometimes, even when we think we are being kind, we have to realize we cannot battle other's fights. it is what makes them strong. what gives them the power to fly." -unknown

I know it doesn't seem like it, but this really is something that will make you stronger. Please, I beg of you, hold on. let others around you know how you feel, and let them help you. but make sure they don't cut your cocoon. what you need is a helping hand to cheer you on. and I, and i'm sure many others on this site, would be more than happy to help you spread your wings and fly.

message me any time. i'm here to help.

_________________________________________

Last edited by Think with my heart; March 16th 2016 at 07:03 PM.
   
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 16th 2016, 05:15 PM

I'm always here to help And I'm so glad that your psychiatrist is so understanding! It's true that getting stuff and worries off your chest can help to make things better. Most of all, think with an open heart and don't think about how it could get worse, but think about how things could improve and work for that. The path to recovery is one that'll allow you to slowly gather your thoughts, compose yourself and think things like " Okay, I might have messed up , but I can learn from this and get better. "

Allow room for growth, and mistakes. Those are what open your mind up, and enable you to slowly forgive yourself and accept yourself as who you are Someone who's nice, sweet and helpful! Also, the ferret deserves to be happy It's lucky to have you!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I Just Don't See Why Not - March 19th 2016, 07:21 AM

Kelly please don't, just breathe. Okay so I know it's difficult and you're going way too far. Just slow down for a minute and I'm going to see what advice I can give you.

I can promise that things WILL get better. You just can't lose hope or stay isolated. If you have written suicide plans, then I would tear them apart immediately and throw them somewhere you'd never find them. Life may be hard right now but I know for a fact that it will eventually level out and get much better.

The reason I know this is because God is good. I personally have struggles of my own and he has helped me through everything. I pray to him every night and there are always answers better than suicide even if it takes awhile to hear his response. You'll find more solutions but not if you don't search for them. You have to keep striving to do good work and to be the best you can possibly be with the life God has given you. He didn't create anyone without a purpose so that means that he has great plans in store for you. Just keep trying to find it. You'll get there. So many things in this world takes time and dedication. It's part of being in the world which is a blessing.

You should feel good about living here because since you have a purpose, there is no room for doubt. I personally believe that most people who attempt suicide, don't die because God holds onto their life so tight because there is a reason they're alive in the first place. Don't you ever give upon being who you truly are because there is a reason that you're here.

God loves you and so do your family, and friends and problably people here on Teen Help, myself included. Live your dreams and show the world who you truly are because you deserve so much more than what the devil tries to make you believe.

You're so important and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Keep on striving.
   
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