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fight.for.it Offline
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Exclamation Kill myself? - April 29th 2016, 10:41 PM

I recently tried to kill myself but am doing better at the moment.
A few weeks ago my judo coach bought me a new kit, and said that i can use it when we go to Sweden for a competition. I leave for Sweden in 4days and i cant find it anywhere. I cant bear the thought of having to tell him i lost the 65 kit he bought me. Because I've only worn it at the club so far i am 99.9% sure it is in his big kit bag and that i could get it back, but i am very forgetful and at the moment its just a joke but if i said i lost the kit i think he would be annoyed and i really don't feel like i can tell him that i lost it and i don't know what to do.
I just want to kill myself so i don't have to deal with it, but i don't have any way to do it that i am certain that it will work cause i don't want to have to go back to hospital. I was also doing better with self harm but now I've messed that up as well and i cant do anything right. I cant fricking do anything right and i am sick of it. I am sick of everything and i just want to die now cause i cant do this. I spend all my time worrying and i hate it. I just don't have a way to do it so i have to do this judo thing but i don't think i can and i don't know what to do.
When i find a way im doing it.
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Re: Kill myself? - April 30th 2016, 03:42 AM

I'm so sorry to hear you've tried to kill yourself and that you're thinking of doing it again.

I just was reading this and thinking how I lose things all the time...my keys, my pens, my papers. And I get teased for it and it is an overall bad experience so why would I tell someone I lost something that belonged to them. But then I thought well. Here is the thing, if I had a student who lost something expensive, I would be upset but that would wear out. If my student killed themself, they cannot be replaced no matter what.
I told you I lose small things easily. Well I lost big things too. I've lost school textbooks that were expensive. It was hard to tell my father but we worked through it.

You said you have four days. Try to take a deep breath, have something to eat or drink water, and tell yourself it is going to be okay.

Would you have to tell your coach in order to search the big bag? Maybe you can just ask to see it, but not specifying why so much?

The best way to find something in my opinion is to retrace your steps. Think back to when you first receieved the kit up until the time you realized you lost it. Where did you bring the kit? Did you leave the kit someplace thinking you'll go back layer to get it? Did you try hiding it from someone? Maybe it isn't lost, but just misplaced. Use process of elimination to narrow down where to look and if that doesn't work, look through the places that you crossed off thinking it can't be there because it can be someplace unexpected.

That all said, give yourself a time limit and if you can't find it yourself then notify your coach. Maybe bring up your depressed mood because at least then he is informed of your mental state and how much it means to you to keep what he gave you in tact.

Also if possible, get a search buddy because 4 eyes are better than 2.

You're going to get through this. Please don't hurt yourself. It isn't necessary. We don't want to lose you.
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Samuel Offline
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Re: Kill myself? - April 30th 2016, 05:15 AM

People lose stuff all the time, especially when their distracted with other things.
Personally, I'd casually just say like het that last time u wore it I pretty sure it ended up in your bag would you mind checking because I can't find it.

Easier said than done, but better now than in Sweden
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Re: Kill myself? - April 30th 2016, 12:50 PM

Don't think too much about it because while losing stuff is never good, it is something that can happen. Perhaps someone might have stolen it, or you might have left it somewhere.

But don't let it worry you to this point... I know its a sentimental gift, but sometimes we end up losing things. (I've lost some stuff that's important to me before ) I think the best thing you can do is gather up some friends /family and have them look for it too.. the more the amount of people out there searching for your judo kit, the better. You're not someone who messes up often, and you also aren't a silly person...everyone loses stuff, but a lot of them eventually get over it and move on. It's even worse when your stuff is stolen (There's a chance that might be the case this time ) so it's best not to bring yourself down too much over it.

Better days are ahead, and while I know that this is a setback, it shouldn't completely ruin your day or cause you to do anything drastic. Your judo coach will be happier that you're okay ... rather than see you hurt yourself over something he bought you. Try your best to search for it, but if its lost... its lost. But everyone makes mistakes so its best to just move on.

I hope that things work out, and I also hope that you find what you lost.

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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anxiety, deppresion, kill, self harm, suicide

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