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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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peachyswirl Offline
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Completely lost. - May 22nd 2016, 06:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Added the trigger just in case.

I'm so...lost. I really hate high school. I have ever since I started it. It is making my mental health worse. I'm finishing up my 10th grade year in 8 days, but that's nothing really good about that. I still have 2 more years of high school. It is torture. My only friend I have there is my boyfriend and he has graduated this year recently, so I'm alone at school. People either pretend I do not exist or make fun of me. It is very lonely... Now that he isn't there to keep me company during the school day I feel even worse. He was there to help me feel better last year and all of this year but now I have nobody to see throughout the day. That combined with seeing everyone talking and laughing with their friends really stings. I feel like this will never end, this loneliness. I just want to get my life on with already too and not be stuck at school all day doing busy work, but no. I am stuck for two more years.
I have had suicide on the mind lately and yesterday I did an attempt. I would hardly call it that though, I was too much of a coward to do it fully. It'll probably always be like that.

Sorry if this is a little long and rambling, it's just my first time posting and I wanted to say everything.
   
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Re: Completely lost. - May 22nd 2016, 09:51 AM

Hey there!

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, but please know that on TH we are here to help you and you are not alone with your feelings

High school does suck for various reasons and it's often harder to make friends as time as goes on than it is at the beginning when everyone is a little lost and most people don't know each other. There are still many ways to get involved, though, and they might help you with making friends in the progress. Last year I spent six weeks in America and I thought it was amazing how many clubs and after school activities there were. Staying after school doesn't sound like fun at first, but there aren't as many expectations as there are in class and you get the opportunity to contribute to something that lasts, such as the year book or a play in the drama club. Plus you already know that you share at least one interest with the other members, which makes it easier to start a conversation or even form a friendship. Not everyone will instantly become your best friend (in fact few people will), but every attempt will be worth it in the end, just for the sake of a nice talk or feeling like you accomplished something when you go home at the end of the day. It won't be easy putting yourself out there, but know that you are in good company and more people than you think are anxious about being the first to say Hello, even if they really want to.

You are most definitely not a coward for backing away from a "full" suicide attempt and we are all glad that you did because that's not something you would want anyone to do and once you do it it's impossible to take back. You are a very strong person and this world still has so much to offer after high school that you shouldn't give up on it now. It's going to get better, I promise you that, and as soon as it does you will be so grateful you decided to experience it


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Re: Completely lost. - May 22nd 2016, 06:02 PM

Hey there,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Most people do not like high school and have a terrible time. I know mine sucked until I was home schooled. I was bullied teachers yelled at me no one understood me at all. Honestly school is better if you have friends. I would try and come out of your shell and make some friends so next year you can hang out with them.

As for the suicide stuff. If you made an attempt and are a danger to yourself then I think your best bet is to tell your parents how you feel and what you did. They will probably take you to the hospital to be evaluated and to make sure you aren't at risk at home. Or if you do not want to do that then maybe you should call a suicide hotline here is the link to hotlines that you can call and get help. here is a list of suicide chats you can use if you don't like the phone.

If you ever need to talk. I am here for you. You can VM/PM me anytime.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: Completely lost. - May 22nd 2016, 09:28 PM

Hey Peachy, welcome to teen help,

Sorry for all that's going on with you, I know how much high school sucks, 2nd semster I had no friends in any class of freshmen year, sat alone at lunch, all my friends didn't go there except for a few who I never saw. I decided to be home school and it helped a lot.

Now that is an option, but as some others said maybe try to join a few clubs, or chat with some people you share a common interest. Some clubs can be very fun besides the social part to if you find one you have an interest in.

With the suicide, you're not a coward. You were strong enough not to do it, and we're thankful you didn't, on here, your family and boyfriend. Perhaps tell your family about how you feel, or a school counselor. There's also the hotlines as mentioned above.

I hope this helps, if you ever need to talk you can pm me, hope you feel better, and stay strong!
   
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