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I dont know what i should be feeling... -
May 18th 2009, 01:23 PM
last night i attempted suicide twice and both times were obviously a failure. i dont what i should be feeling, right now i'm mad at myself for failing but i'm still not entirely sure what i should be feeling. i dont want to be happy that i'm still alive but i cant feel anything at all. i feel nothing. i don't know what to even do... i want to try again, but...
Re: I dont know what i should be feeling... -
May 18th 2009, 03:41 PM
hey dylan.
it sounds like you're going through a lot. but always remember,
after all the pain, the bliss that you will get supercedes everything. and you deserve all of it.
i'm gonna give you a manly hug. and you know, you can tell us everything you're going through. we WILL support you and make you stand strong through this
Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.
we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!
Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !
Re: I dont know what i should be feeling... -
May 18th 2009, 04:19 PM
Hi Dylan
Im so sorry about how you are feeling. Things must have been rock bottom for you. You say you want to try again...isnt twice enough...I mean...if your not meant to die it isn't going to happen.
However what you can do, is try to find reasons why you want to live.
Think about it like this, if you are rcok bottom, you cant feel worse, so technically you will either stay at the same rock bottom, or get better...
Staying rock bottom is easy, but it leaves you with nothing but suicidal thoughts.
If you try and use something positive then things will get easier & the harder you try the easier getting better is.
Re: I dont know what i should be feeling... -
May 19th 2009, 03:26 AM
In this situation I don't think that failing is such a bad thing. It's given you the opportunity to seek help which is something that I think you should do. If your in a bad enough state that you want to take your own life, you can't deal with it by yourself, at least not in a way that would be helpful. Is there anyone that you can talk to? Maybe ring a helpline, I have in the past & they've been more than helpful.
I obviously don't know what's making you want to die but I do know feelings & thoughts wont stay the same forever.
Re: I dont know what i should be feeling... -
May 19th 2009, 04:51 AM
Dylan,
I'm glad it didn't work. I'm sorry that my happiness is driven from the fact that your plan didn't work out, but I can say that your plan would have made the world a darker place than it already is. I know many people who got to see you past the attempts are happier because of that. Even if they didn't know they might not have seen you again, I know having you there made someones day better. Why do I know that? Because you brighten someones day. Without even knowing, we all brighten one persons day. Whether its simply because we talk to them or smile in their direction, you make the world a better place.
There are so many bad people in this world. People that enjoy harming others and seeing others in pain. You're certainly not one of those people. If you are to kill yourself, we're losing another of the few good people left. We need you to help keep this world in a safer state. Each good person we lose allows a bad person to progress. I know we're talking about big numbers, but one person makes a difference. One spoon of sugar can be the difference between too sweet or not sweet enough, or even just right. Life is never promised to be easy, it's worth it.
My life has had its ups and downs. I'm always glad I stay around though. Sometimes, I'm not so glad. Sometimes, I'm close to trying to end my life again. But, you know what? I would more willingly give my life for a period in which I feel good than anything else. Those periods in which we are happy are worth the pain it takes to get there. They remind us of why we stay alive. They remind us of everything the world has to offer. You're so young. Nothing is written in stone. Suicide is a permanent attempt to fix a temporary problem. No one can say your life will always be this way. No one. You can change it all. You can make it as good or bad as you want it. You choose.
I know after not succeeding in your attempts, this is a confusing time for you. Maybe even an emotional time for you. You're not alone. Let us help you. Let us show you that life is worth living. Stop pushing life to the back of your mind. Push suicide to the back, in fact, forget about it. You will never be able to live if you keep the ability to give up as an option. The easy way out will never get you anywhere. Maybe not succeeding in the attempts is a sign to keep going? Maybe they weren't supposed to work for a reason? Maybe you're meant for more than a short life. You haven't even lived life. You've just began. Don't think it's always going to be bad because you haven't lived long enough to see everything or even 1/25ths of what life can be. I believe you can do this and I believe you can push suicide away for good. There is no "right" way to feel after all you've been through. There is a right path to pick after though. The right path is what you want it to be. Keep in might, what you "want" and "need" are two different things. Often, what you want is easy. It's what you need that will hurt, but lead you to a life worth living in your eyes. If you need anything, don't you dare be shy to PM me. I'm here for you and so is everyone else. We want you to stick around.
~Stay strong and have faith.
01 // 10 // 11
Baby stand tall. You can have it all.
Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
Re: I dont know what i should be feeling... -
May 26th 2009, 02:52 PM
Dylan please dont try again.
You can get through this. I know you can! I know lifes hard and it pretty much sucks living in your house but you can do this. Prove to everybody that your worth it that you can make a good life outa your shitty one. I know that you have friends that love you and you dont want to bother them you dont want to hurt them. Talk to them your not going to do any of those things they love and care about you they want to help you, im sure they know somethings up.