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faison123 Offline
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Exclamation my story - June 16th 2016, 05:22 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't really know how this works but i know i fit in with the suicidal and depressed group so I'm just going share my story and if someone can relate we can talk and help each other...

All my life my parents had been every strict on me and always compared me to my sister who is the typical #1 child. She studied all the time didn't really have friends to distract her from school and got in to just about every college she applied to. Now I'm quite the opposite, I love to hang out with my best friend and party and have fun and not do my schoolwork. So long story short all of the stress of my parents trying to make me be exactly like my sister just burst and I began to have serious suicidal thoughts for about a week before everything happened. At first nothing really happened and I would just have to what I assumed was a panic attack and cry myself to sleep.

Then one night everything changed--when I was laying in bed once again thinking about ending it all, I got up from my bed and went to my sisters closet where I new she had medicine in her drawer. I took 11 pills that night in an attempt of killing myself. Once I had realized what I had done I felt instant regret and a lot of fear. I texted my best friend "I really need you right now I'm a mess" which I followed with an explanation of what ad just occurred, she immediately told me to throw up and told me things like you can't die I need you here and that she was scared she was going to lose me. I tried to explain to her what had happened but I just couldn't think of a way to explain it. "I just hate my life and everything in it" was what I continuously typed into my phone. Then I passed out in my sister’s bed (she was at college at the time)

The next time I woke up was an hour later to the millions of texts like "HELO????" or "ANSWER ME" from my best friend and all I could type back was "dart I dbsucb."

I remember lying in my sister’s bed just sitting under the covers and screaming and crying hysterically while I tried to end everything and talk to my best friend at the same time. After the first hour of being passed out I stumbled out of bed to go to the bathroom but was hardly able to walk. The medicine was definitely kicking in which caused me to have serious hallucinations and be unable to move properly or speak normally. I can still picture trying to go back to sleep, because that is all my body knew how to do at the time, but my arms kept flailing into the air and I quickly became extremely uncomfortable.

I just wanted everything to be over and be “stress free” with nothing to worry about anymore.

What I never realized was how much this would affect me as well as my best friend. It left me with critical PTSD and anxiety problems. Every now and then (about once a week) I remember May 5, 2016 and how I tried to stop everything that was happening. My best friend was also put through so much just for me trying to make a huge decision about something small. Now whenever I think about that night I just talk to her and she walks me through everything that I love and everyone who loves me and cared about me and how none of them want me to die. I probably wouldn’t have even been here to write this crazy story if she hadn’t helped me.
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Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jordan
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Re: my story - June 16th 2016, 10:25 PM

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you're still here.

It sounds like you have some people who really care for you. My hope is that you choose to lean on them when you're going through rough times. I imagine things aren't all the way better now, but hopefully there's some difference. Perhaps with your friend you could come with a list of reasons to live. I know of many people who have found it helpful to make a list of reasons they want to live/things they would miss, etc. They can reflect on it when things are hard. You can also make a list of pleasant activities and choose to do something on the list if things are getting hard or overwhelming for you again. It helps to do something distracting or self-soothing.

I hope you enjoy TeenHelp. We are a very welcoming community and I hope you can find the help here that you seek. If you ever want to talk to anyone please feel free to message me; I am happy to chat. Take care and hang in there, okay? You're stronger than you know and you're even stronger than you were for still being here. That's a huge accomplishment and I hope you are proud of yourself for making the choice to stay.

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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