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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
.Brittany. Offline
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Depressed.. - July 1st 2016, 10:39 PM

I have been feeling so off today. I am so depressed. This is the first time in a long time that I have considered committing suicide. I just feel like everyone would be much better off without me. I feel like no one cares about me and that no one would miss me if I wasn't here. All I do is disappoint people. I can't handle these thoughts anymore.

I also have been fighting an urge to cut all day.. It's been 7 and a half months since I last cut and this urge is really taking all the strength I have in me.

My mind is racing at 100 miles a minute and is all over the place.. Thats probably why this makes no sense. I just needed to tell someone about what is going on.



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Re: Depressed.. - July 2nd 2016, 09:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by .Brittany. View Post
I have been feeling so off today. I am so depressed. This is the first time in a long time that I have considered committing suicide. I just feel like everyone would be much better off without me. I feel like no one cares about me and that no one would miss me if I wasn't here. All I do is disappoint people. I can't handle these thoughts anymore.

I also have been fighting an urge to cut all day.. It's been 7 and a half months since I last cut and this urge is really taking all the strength I have in me.

My mind is racing at 100 miles a minute and is all over the place.. Thats probably why this makes no sense. I just needed to tell someone about what is going on.

Hi Brittany,

Well done for going 7.5 months free, that's truly amazing and you should be proud of yourself for that!

What are some things that have worked in the past? Sometimes it takes a little reminding how far we've got and the skills we've been using. Something you can try is spending time with a pet, if you have one. Or if not, re-reading something familiar that you've found to be heartwarming. These are little things but can go a long way.

Do you feel like the urges are sudden? Or do you feel like it's been building up? Remember, that having an off day is temporary and it will pass. But it will be easier to do small habit changes in your daily live that are repetitive rather than trying to deal with stress all at once when it's built up.

We will not be better off without you. I haven't even spoke to you directly and I know I'd be sad if something happened to you. Feel free to message me to let me know what's going on, or you can come back to this thread and post what's been going on. That way other users can help too. I know it can be hard verbalizing things when it's in the heat of the moment of racing thoughts and it can feel like no one understands. But we are here to work with you.
   
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Re: Depressed.. - July 2nd 2016, 10:50 PM

What helps me when I feel depressed is acting. Find something that drives you and gives you a reason to live. Try out new things. Rent a movie. Read a book. Do something that makes YOU happy.
I have dealt with self harm urges and I know it sucks, but do everything in your power to stop. Maybe try drawing with a washable marker on yourself instead, that seems to work for me.
Feel free to message me if you want to
   
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Re: Depressed.. - July 2nd 2016, 11:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Three_Blind_Mice View Post
Hi Brittany,

Well done for going 7.5 months free, that's truly amazing and you should be proud of yourself for that!

What are some things that have worked in the past? Sometimes it takes a little reminding how far we've got and the skills we've been using. Something you can try is spending time with a pet, if you have one. Or if not, re-reading something familiar that you've found to be heartwarming. These are little things but can go a long way.

Do you feel like the urges are sudden? Or do you feel like it's been building up? Remember, that having an off day is temporary and it will pass. But it will be easier to do small habit changes in your daily live that are repetitive rather than trying to deal with stress all at once when it's built up.

We will not be better off without you. I haven't even spoke to you directly and I know I'd be sad if something happened to you. Feel free to message me to let me know what's going on, or you can come back to this thread and post what's been going on. That way other users can help too. I know it can be hard verbalizing things when it's in the heat of the moment of racing thoughts and it can feel like no one understands. But we are here to work with you.
I feel like it was building up, I was a little off for a couple days in a row. But then it just got worse by the second. I felt so alone. I had messaged a few of my friends for help and the only one that was around yelled at me then turned off his phone. After that I was alone. Alone with my thoughts. Being alone with your own thoughts is very scary. Being alone also makes your thoughts race. Thats when you start thinking that no one cares about you and no ones there for you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by donutsandpandas View Post
What helps me when I feel depressed is acting. Find something that drives you and gives you a reason to live. Try out new things. Rent a movie. Read a book. Do something that makes YOU happy.
I have dealt with self harm urges and I know it sucks, but do everything in your power to stop. Maybe try drawing with a washable marker on yourself instead, that seems to work for me.
Feel free to message me if you want to
It seemed like yesterday that nothing was helping. Usually I watch a Disney movie and then I feel better but not this time. I don't know how to explain how bad the thoughts were for me.



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stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”


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Re: Depressed.. - July 3rd 2016, 02:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by .Brittany. View Post
I feel like it was building up, I was a little off for a couple days in a row. But then it just got worse by the second. I felt so alone. I had messaged a few of my friends for help and the only one that was around yelled at me then turned off his phone. After that I was alone. Alone with my thoughts. Being alone with your own thoughts is very scary. Being alone also makes your thoughts race. Thats when you start thinking that no one cares about you and no ones there for you.

I hear you, that's something that is so familiar that you describe. I'm so sorry that he reacted in the way that he did. You were in need of support and I'm sorry he couldn't give that to you. I know that it can discourage you from reaching out after a bad experience like this. It is common advice to tell people with who are struggling to reach out but no one really talks about the difficulty of having good results. I had mixed experiences with reaching out myself. Sometimes it took multiple tries in one night which can be so hard to do after mustering courage to reach out to one person and feeling like that energy had just been depleted. Something that you can look into are hotlines which you can find a list here. These are trained volunteers and hopefully you have better experiences with them.

I also wanted to ask if you see a professional counselor? Is that something you've tried/would like to try? If not, there's also support groups that can be for general mental health support or specific groups like mood disorders, OCD, or substance use recovery. You can also try looking into social and and/or community events that provide a supportive environment to be around and spend time doing something you enjoy doing with others.
   
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