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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Notsure Offline
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I cant take it anymore. - July 2nd 2016, 11:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I cant handle life anymore. Nothing is getting better, it's only getting worse. For the past month i have been keeping busy and hiding from emotions. But then yesterday, for reasons i do not know, i was in a depresive and very easily angered mood. So then i was negative all day towards people, without intending to be, and then two of my good online friends got really mad with me, and that really hurt. And it was all my fault. I apologised today, but they didnt say anything and it's evident that they're still at least somewhat annoyed with me. Also im still in a very bad mood.

Im just done. I dont see the point in continuing to live. So many times i've considered ending my life and making plans to. But then i decide to wait and see if things get better. But then it gets worse, so it repeats. I dont want to kill my self, i want to live and be happy and have friends that i know care about me and i trust them. But that wont happen. Every time anything good happens, it just gets messed up one way or another. Also i find it very hard to make friends, especially now that i dont feel like talking the majority of the time, not many people have similar interests to me, i dont trust people and i think everyone is better off without me anyway. So, like many other times, i have concluded that it's better if im dead. And because i keep coming to that conclusion, i think it's better if i just go through with my plans this time.

And please dont say "it will get better" without any proof or something. If you know it will get better for me, then you're capable of proving proof. Otherwise it is only an assumption. Sorry if this comes across as rude, i am just in a bad mood and dont intend for it to be.

Sorry for the poorly structured post.
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Re: I cant take it anymore. - July 2nd 2016, 11:37 PM

Every moment of life is a blessing. The fact that you are living is a blessing. Every person is beautiful in their own way, and by ending it, you are not allowing your true colors to shine. Try to look at yourself everyday and find something that you like about yourself. If you are able to love yourself, you can then be able to love others. Just know that you are not alone in this and many people have felt the way that you do. If you ever need to chat, please message me and I hope this helped you in some way.
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Re: I cant take it anymore. - July 3rd 2016, 03:56 AM

I'm sorry you feel like you can't handle it anymore, and I won't say it's going to get better if you don't want me to. Haha. I know it gets cliche and sometimes you don't want to hear it. That's okay.

Because I don't know what's going to happen. The only person that does is you. Because you are in control of how you react to things, no you can't control what happens to you, unfortunately we all wish we did.

With what happened yesterday, bad days happen, sometimes they just come out of the blue for no reason, Like you said. You didn't know what brought it on. But I do want you to reflect on it. I want you to think about it. When yesterday you started to feel bad, how you handled it, and how you could have better handled it. If we don't examine our reactions and actions to things, we aren't going to be able to change them at all.

I think your friends will eventually come around. Do they know you're struggling right now? If they do - they should understand that sometimes things happen and we say hurtful mean things, that we don't always mean to say. We are human. It's okay to make mistakes. Please don't beat yourself up too badly for that, okay?

I honestly don't believe anyone is better off dead. We're all here for a reason and have the potential to do so many incredible things. Don't throw that beautiful chance away. To create beautiful friendships, even if it is difficult, that's okay. Because you can make them and they can be strong and bring a lot of joy to both of your lives.

You're still pretty young and have all this time to work through what's going on.

Can I ask if you've ever told a professional about this? I know you said you don't trust people - that's okay. It took me four years to trust anyone with my suicidal thoughts and all that. But...You can't do it alone. Because humans are meant to live in a community. With people. With communication. I think you should try to build up towards that.

It could get better. I won't say it will. But it's always a possibility...and isn't that better than nothing? A chance?

"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
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Re: I cant take it anymore. - July 3rd 2016, 10:34 AM

They dont know im struggling right now. Not sure if i should tell them or not. They might just think im making excuses or something.

I once talked to a professional about anxiety, well, i was resistant. I really disliked it, so i dont think i'd want to try it for this. Im a really private person anyway.

It could get better, but right now there's nothing to suggest that it will get better.

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